Boyfriend leaves me after every fight. How should I deal with it?

Question

Last time we broke up, he told me that he is in love with someone else. Then he told me that he lied... I know that it was a lie. But everytime we fight he leaves... Do you think it is time to totally break up for us?

CaptainOverthink · Accepted Answer

Depends.. it sounds like you'll need couples therapy. But like, you've got to weigh in how things are when you do get along, is it worth it to stay together? .. or are you just avoiding a real breakup because of the hassle of being single again.

I get most comments say to break up, but that is the easy option, to escape and refuse to try and put work into it.
It says you are in your 40s on your profile and you know we can act young and be young all we like but change comes harder as habits die harder and if we get stuck in the habit of taking the easy road all the time then we just never come around to fixing the issues ahead of us. Just brush it aside for later.
But who am I to say when enough is enough. This is your life.
Nobody is special, we all get old in the end. I'm sure you can find some examples of couples around you that shows what happens when we just don't deal with the drama before us. Maybe if nothing changes you'll not become "them" but a version of them, unhappy or some kind of "it could have been worse".

The point is, something needs to change and only you know who you want to be and who you'll fear you'll become.
Good luck!

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

He doesn't understand relationships, how to be vulnerable in the face of emotional threat. I had that problem, it's hard. I know others like that. Id be surprised he doesn't go off at times.

It's up to you if you want to work through it. at your age... maybe give it some time to work through this to learn and grow, that's what is required. If he won't do it, make it clear he needs a different type of woman that is going to be a lot more "plain" and boring.

why you are fighting is another issue.

Leaving sucks because on your side, you feel like you are communicating, but to him, it's like he "lost the big game", it's painful, and doesn't want the pain... he wants safety.

Relationships are work sometimes... lots of ways to do that.

FictionalCharacter · Accepted Answer

Is it a routine of you guys fighting?
Also why do guys constantly continue fighting?

Before a argument escalates, you need to stop yourself and ask your boyfriend “why are we fighting? What are we gaining out of this? Do you want to fight? Do you like seeing me yell at you? Cause I get hurt whenever you yell at me. That you take a last shot at me and leave me here with the pain. While you go off and heal. Can’t we just discuss what is really bothering us, without attacking each other? You are my partner, you’re supposed to be there for me. We should not be enemies. Cause if we’re enemies now, then we shouldn’t be together. If all we’re doing is hurting each other. Is this what you want?”

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yeah, I’d be done if I were you. He definitely feels like the prize in your relationship, with his love being more valuable than yours. He recognizes that you will take him back each time he does this, and the goal is to make you shut up entirely or else risk losing him, which is preposterous. You should be able to talk freely without concern that he’ll leave you for it, and he shouldn’t be allowed to leave each time something is wrong.

Summeroflove · Answer

I think you should just stay broken up… doesn’t seem you get along well and well…. Imagine you wake up 5-10 years down the road. You’re married to him…. How would you feel?

Ehhhh. If you’re breaking up and getting back together I assume neither one of you is really that happy. Plus if you someday got married imagine how that would be?

Paris13 · Answer

Get rid of Him. Next, He will Be Blocking you on Social Media and More. Guy Likes To Taunt you. xxoo

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Obviously, you can but trust what he says, so why would you want hot to stay with him? Think he’ll eventually change?

Finchie40 · Answer

If he is leaving after fighting with you then he clearly doesn’t value you , it sounds like he is fighting with you to give him an excuse to leave , so he more than likely is up to no good when he leaves especially if he doesn’t come back that same night and try to resolve the conflict with you that same night. My one ex that lived with me would leave after a fight and not call me or come back home , she would show up the next morning and say she slept at her friends house , It was all bullshit , I told her she does it again to not come back to this house that her shit will be on the front lawn , she did it again so all her shit was on the front lawn and I locked every door and window and told her to Go fuck herself , When people have to leave after a fight they should walk in a separate room , leaving is a selfish act that shows someone true character that they only care about themselves , whether they are cheating or not , they are childish people , so yes dump him

SarahS98 · Answer

Get rid of that unstable, manchild. Some relationships are a joke nowadays. More people are dating just for the sake of dating, falling in love with someone else just because there is an argument in your relationship and breaking up for anything.

razelove · Answer

He's probably hoping to fight, break up, get some tail on the side, maybe an upgrade. Then when it doesn't happen, he comes running back to you.
Next time it happens, just don't let him back in. Unless you enjoy it, then do what you, but it seems really demeaning regardless.

Spade_01 · Answer

Umm... you should've done away with him when he left you for the first time. A fight's issue needs to be resolved, not make you leave and come back and definitely not telling your partner that they love someone else. That's so toxic. End it as soon as possible.

SirJohn42 · Answer

Well not good he's acting immature. Its not good to yell things that aren't true.
Especially when you admit you lied. Its manipulative and its very wrong to try and hurt somebody when upset. Its not healthy.
Leaving because you fight is even worse.

Now its upto you do you take the emotional abuse or dump him. Because sounds like he won't change his attitude. You deserve better. You deserve a man not a child who throws tantrums.

loveslongnails · Answer

It was a long time ago, a VERY long time ago. When you say "every time we fight", it makes me wonder if you spend way too much time fighting in the first place. You're 40 years old - do you need this shitty childish behavior? A man who can't talk a thing through with his girlfriend at this stage in life, is not worth keeping around. Give him the boot - yesterday.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

"Last time we broke up" never ends with happily ever after. You broke up the first time for a reason. Maybe it got rectified (rarely), but more than that it's time to read the writing on the walls. You aren't compatible.

TheThingALing · Answer

What exactly are y'all fighting because of? I imagine it wouldn't likely be a case of y'all fighting for something different each time but rather y'all fighting for the same 1 or 2 issues that never seem to get resolved

OfMiceandMen · Answer

If this is a frequent thing, like more than once or twice a month, then you'd both be better on your own or with someone else.  If there's more downs than ups it's not a viable relationship anymore.

devilish-cutie · Answer

it really depends on are you ready to work trough his issues of becoming more emotionally mature, but work is for you too cause you ended up with him usually for a reason... you need to find a way to communicate better

Daniela1982 · Answer

Stop taking him back ya goof! There are better guys out there for you.

kevypatyy7 · Answer

Next time you fight, am sure you be the first to leave... Okie just kidding. Just make sure you are in a room that is locked when fighting so no one gets out. You stay there until you both calm down after talk things out...

Anonymous · Answer

"boyfriend leaves after every fight" "last time we broke up" "he told me he's in love with someone else" "he lied". key words of a terrible relationship. girl seriously? fucking leave already!

Sparkie460 · Answer

He is being immature instead of staying there with you and work it out. He thinks the problem will go away and you will forget about it if he leaves. He's being a coward for not facing the problem head on and working it out with you.

Fireguy17 · Answer

quit taking him back. Send him on his way and get someone that won't play games. You deserve to be treated better than that.

Anonymous · Answer

Lol should have broken up line time ago you two sound immature. Make it sound as though you two argue every week or even twice a week. What are the arguments about?

Gent207-2 · Answer

You need to break up with him once and for all this will only get worse.

itsalyssaagain · Answer

Yeah if he does that, that’s super disrespectful. I know you care for your boyfriend but you have to put yourself first.

sheenagwapa · Answer

i'm like this... no one is perfect you know we all have our flawas

TomMarks · Answer

Clearly the same thing is happening over and over. Don’t subject yourself to any more crap. I’d just stay broke up.

worldscolide · Answer

two things. Dont stay with a liar.. And maybe take a step back and figure out why you're fighting so much.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

It was time to permanently break up a long time ago...

Mangospacho · Answer

So, if his first response during an argument is to just pack up and leave everytime, what’s the point of staying with him?

Danny_dan92 · Answer

By breaking up. Your relationship is clearly bullshit

Massageman · Answer

Split up - unless you LIKE banging your head against a brick wall!

LiamJHayden · Answer

I would never put up with that manipulation.

linka_pat307 · Answer

Start valuing yourself.. You don't need someone's love to live..

Anonymous · Answer

Its probably best to break up with him unless your violent when you get in fights him. If so, its best he does leave. Stuff like that almost always puts guys in jail even if its the woman's fault.

Anonymous · Answer

Funny I have never in my life been given a second chance with a woman. Never.

serious_miss419 · Answer

It’s becoming a cycle for the two of you. It takes two.. but it takes one to end it.

slatyb · Answer

Stay broken up next time.

boggboss · Answer

Ofc it is lol u guys are prolonging it

Babygirl_S · Answer

I would break up for good.

zagor · Answer

Maybe by finding a more stable boyfriend?

Iron_Man · Answer

He’s a clown move on

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Be at peace and quit fighting.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

How about you stop picking fights with him?

nawtee_me · Answer

Relationships take work. Don’t fight….

riverrat3 · Answer

don't let him come back any more

Anonymous · Answer

A woman that has a boyfriend at 40?

BrookeS · Answer

Dump his ass

shades777 · Answer

Takes two to tango

In_Trance · Answer

stop fighting

Anonymous · Answer

He is lying

Boyfriend leaves me after every fight. How should I deal with it?

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