How can I deal with my boyfriend who is always threatening to leave me?

[Anonymous]

[ThinkFitness23]

Sounds like you love this person and simply leaving is not the option you want?


Threatening repeatedly likely means he wants to take control of the situation, by saying this (threat) he’s looking for the upper hand by putting you on the back foot.


I get the impression that he knows you love/want him and is using this as a tool for you to “fall into your roll show your love for him” (submission), he’s then take control and importantly feels wanted. Something is making he’s feel guarded/insecure find out what this is. Likewise understand his queues and behaviour patterns and “catch him before he falls.


At this time he likely does feel that he wants to leave you but this is momentary, it’s easy to judge him here but really if you love this person and they have many other good qualities then you need to address his feelings and why he’s feeling this way.


Often this leads you back into childhood, it could be the case that he had a troubled relationship with his mum for example and if he see’s or feels that you remind him of any of the traits associated with this trouble relationship then he goes into defence mode and sometimes the best form of defence is attract or so it seems.


All the best, feel free to follow and let me know how you get on I hope you find this helpful.


Lastly can I ask, is their a type of thing (maybe something you disagree with or argue about) that sends him into this mode or is this completely random.


TC…

[Guy13]

Let him go. Who knows what you will both discover on the other side: I am guessing that you will discover that the grass is greener over here as compared to the weeds from which you emerged. Conversely, I imagine that he will find the weeds were better than the quicksand where he found himself.-This mat take awhile to reveal itself.

Expect the Sporting to continue in ongoing manipulation and control. Social Media, Text, and direct words of "missed' in manipulation. He will definitely reclaim you. He sounds a little bit Narcissistic trending to sociopathic. YOU do NOT want to stick around and find out as not all things need to be fully experienced.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Quite simple… you don’t put you with it! Someone who does that is manipulative and controlling! You don’t wait for him to make the threat a reality, whether he really would or not. You make his threat a reality and break up with him. Do you really want to be with/stay with someone who constantly threatens to break up with you? That doesn’t sound like a healthy or loving relationship at all.

[Account]

If someone does that, no matter who they are, point them to the door. They are free to leave anytime, also tell them that if they threaten you one more time, you are going to be the one who will leave.
What they are doing is quite controlling even if they cannot realize it.

[BlueScorpio]

Leave or tell him yo leave already. That is manipulation, control tactic.. if he's going to leave then he should dine it by now. Stop letting him jerk you around and tell him he's free of his duties.

[Summeroflove]

Bye!!! Tell him bye. What’s stopping him? There is someone else out there

[Rose89]

I was in an emotionally controlling relationship once. He would make me feel guilty for wanting to break up because he cheated on me. But unfortunately I dragged it on for a whole year, he would even use the whole “going to kill himself thing” But eventually I got away. And it didn’t take me long to feel so good and feel like myself again. I felt like I wasn’t the same person when I was with him as he really tore me down. But I didn’t notice while I was with him. It was when I had finally broke up with him (and kicked him out of my place) I noticed. These days I’m very happy.


I know how difficult it is. But I feel any form of emotional abuse should be a major red flag. And you should get out immediately and find someone who respects and loves you.

[lightbulb27]

That's part of a negotiation. he's threatening to pull out of the agreement unless "xyz" occurs. Something is very painful.

The answer is in the formula of your relationship. you both have to learn to communicate better, work out differences, and still feel ok.. which probably means growing up some so you respond rather than react.

It's hard work sometimes until it's no longer hard work but process. I'd guess most people give up and move onto someone else and repeat the process until they find better or they change. The problem is really "us", but we don't see ourselves so well. By your age, you are developed and people don't want to see themselves or their issues, or change that much.

Welcome to the world of "mating and reproduction".

[TheorionMage]

Call his bluff.
YOU have value, YOU bring a certain richness to HIS life.
HE WILL FIND... YOU have a FAR easier time auditioning HIS replacement's talents,
than he does, finding your's~

'UN-learning' is among life's MOST difficult processes! ;)

[MementoMori777]

I believe you are holding yourself back from a potential husband by keeping this guy around, he is either not planning on marrying you because to get divorced is a harder process or he Is lying through his teeth, either ways you should find someone that won't put the life of you relationship on the line for stupid shit, I feel like if I offered this guy a thousand dollars he to break up with you, he would and it shouldn't be like that

[Coyote12]

I know it's hard but I would 100% leave your boyfriend first then. It's not emotionally healthy for him to keep saying that. If you do on sure he'll be shocked and ask for you to stay. I'll just call it off and find someone who isn't emotionally abusive.

[Coyote12]

Let me rephrase a part 😅. It's not emotionally healthy for you when he keeps saying that.

[tonamimargaux]

I agree 💯

[hIopinionated_]

Leave him. And not because he’s threatening you but because it was over the moment he felt it (even without expressing it to you). He’s either manipulating you or serious. Either way, you don’t need that in your life. You need stability and loyalty especially if you’re already that person


Let him go

[watercolor_lions]

You are in an abusive relationship, and sadly, the best thing to do is to leave.

He will use abandonment to control you, without ever actually leaving. If he does, it's just to convince you he is and won't last very long.

I assume he also uses guilt to get what he wants?

[whereismyjohnny]

He is being manipulative and that doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. By saying that, he shows that he doesn't respect you and doesn't care if he hurts you. You said ''always'', so I guess it's been going on for a while now. Next time he says that, hold the door for him and let him leave.

[FilmGuy93]

You recognize that that is a huge sign of toxicity, right? Like if every little disagreement ends with him threatening to blow up the relationship, that is extremely unhealthy behavior. The way you deal with his antics is to leave him. That isn’t gonna get better

[TheVigilantOne]

A bit of context would help in this instance.


But without any context all I can really say is leave him, threatening you is abuse and shouldn’t be tolerated in any relationship, if someone is threatening to leave you or threatening to kill themselves if you do leave them that’s emotional abuse and shouldn’t be tolerated, leave.

[Anonymous]

Wow everyone of these comments are a bunch of morons. Not once did anyone on here ask why he was threatening to leave you? What caused him to say that? What causes him to say that? What was the argument about? No one even once asks questions without just saying dump him. But I 100% guarantee you that if the roles were reversed everyone of these morons commenting would be saying Talk to her about it talk it out work out your disagreements blah blah blah. This right here goes to show you just how fucked up and brainwashed society is into hating men.

Now I'm going to ask the questions since none of these braindead morons on here didn't bother to ask. Why was he threatening to leave you? What were you two arguing about? What were you fighting about? How many times has he said this to you? What brings on the arguements? Is it something you do that he doesn't like or something he does that you don't like? Were you or him cheating?

[serious_miss419]

Threatening to leave someone is not a healthy way to communicate.

[Opinion Owner]

@serious_miss419 again dumb dumb if you actually read my comment you'd see i asked why he was threatening to leave which you and all these other idiots on here never bothered to ask

[serious_miss419]

Oh the irony Mr Sir

[Ms_Facesitter]

Leave him. Not threaten to leave, but actually leave. Someone who has to threaten to get what he wants is not someone who you want to keep around, may it be a boyfriend, family or just a friend. That's toxic and controlling behavior. Something you should avoid. You staying with him for as long as you have is him manipulating you, trying to guilt trip you by threatening to leave. You deserve better. So go ahead.

[Spiritofn]

It's the age & also people who grow up in their hometown don't know what loyalty means naturally.

People who grow up moving place to place loyalty is the only thing they'll ever dream to have, they long for love and stability really badly. Never being a first option cause they weren't their first.

[Spiritofn]

*because they never were the first option.*

[Marklaw12]

Fuck him more.

Ask him, what does he want?

One day, just tell him to go fuck himself and your threats don't bother me no more. I will find a man that loves me for who and what I bring to a relationship.

Go to that girl who you really want instead of you threatening to keep leaving. I'm sick and tired of this shit.


You be bold girl. If he's an abuser make sure you don't say this in the bedroom, say it in a public place.

[DubiousIntentions]

Say c'ya! See if he is bluffing or just full of poo. Sounds like he says it just to get his way.

[Bre_0611]

Stop being with him. He's letting you know how he feels through just those threats. Don't let anyone treat you that way. You're not some animal where someone can just threaten to take something or give it back.

[HazyDaze63]

You beat him to it. What he is doing is emotional bullying. It is not going to change. He knows it works too control you. I was in a marriage like that. You deserve better

[Little_Bumblebee]

I would say, leave him first.
That's not a healthy relationship to stay in, and it's very manipulative.