When a relationship ends, who is to blame for why it ended, you or them? Why?

Question

Moose304 · Accepted Answer

About 10 years ago I was fly fishing with some friends in West Virginia. During one of the evenings back at the hotel we were having dinner and the subject turned to one of my friends that had just ended a relationship. He said she was a fantastic lady who treated him well. The problem was he in a lot of ways just like me, a confirmed bachelor who has no plans to ever marry. He grew bored and sometime later she told him they needed to talk. She was starting to see a man that she later married. Nothing physical had happened but she knew their relationship was going nowhere. So they had a last dinner together and he drove her home. This subject always reminds me of this song. Sometimes it's no one's fault.

jwmiller95 · Accepted Answer

Whoever causes it to end for the morally wrong reason. I. e. whoever cheated, got bored, gave, etc

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

Ooh, that quote was deep... some people aren't ready to hear that!

To answer your question- you really can't base who's the blame without knowing both people, their situation, and why the relationship ended. Oh sure, I could blame all my exes for things ending- and in my defense, one of them did cheat so yeah, he WAS to blame! However, you have to look at yourself too: keep in mind you gave said person a chance, meaning you might have missed some blaring red flags due to: loneliness, infatuation, lust, etc...

For example- all my friends and family KNEW my exes were bad and things wouldn't work out between us. Why? They saw conflicting issues that I missed because I was so head over heels for the twits, I missed or refused to accept them. Yet when things ended, I was so busy finding faults with the guys, I didn't think, "Huh, maybe I should have listened to my friends and not dated x..."

AviatorTom · Answer

Why does anyone have to be blamed? Sometimes, it's just time to end a relationship. My then-wife and I amicably divorced after 20+ years of marriage, with 3 kids. It was time. We've both moved on... she's remarried and I have a long-term SO.

Paris13 · Answer

Me. For Beginning Something I had Discovered from the Veryyy Start, Not Being Able to Get Past it and Harping on It. Even After the Break up which I Initiated. xxoo

ZackBan · Answer

Mine ended a while back and I wish she made it my fault. At least that way you know what to work on to be better.

But during my relationship I kept things fun and positive, I listened and even communicated (although she assumed I was hiding parts of myself) but I was opening up more and more every day.

And the sex was amazing to me. And the best she's ever had to her, and that's not just because she told me but there where a lot of undeniable "physical" evidence of it.

She ended it because some bullshit spiritual stars didn't align. That we somehow met on the one year anniversary of her previous breakyup and I asked her to be my girlfriend on Valentine's day (which is what her ex dad as well) and so she started building all kinds of things in her head about destiny and why these things happened that way.

Her solution: to dump me.

So as far as who is to blame, I should blame her but I can't she wasn't a bad person I do wish she was more cerebral than spiritual at certain times but her spiritual side used to be part of her charm

DermalPunch · Answer

For my last relationship I was triggered into a lot of behaviour that was uncharacteristic of me because I was with a very evil person who abused me and used my trauma to harm me.

Dealing with a manipulative and sadistic person I used manipulation but never sadistic.

It was over before it begun because the person probably has NPD. Not just a narcissist but a serious personality disorder.

Marriage wise, I blame myself for letting things fester. But ultimately, they refused to address the issue and in the time since separating have proven that they would be the same gaslighting, mentally torturing type of person.

Really, I know I am a good partner and I know how good men feel to be with me in a relationship.

My trauma goes into my art. Having good communication turns men off it seems. I have a way of making people feel safe and comfortable with being vulnerable. Then that's when the freak out and be as cruel as possible to me because feeling safe and them getting attached easily is apparently something I did wrong.

A lot of men are very insecure and walking around with a lot of pain and for some reason I seem to have punching bag written on my forehead. I mean figuratively.

I've have greatly deprioritized finding a life partner at this point. I'm evolving and getting past my BS and people don't want to do that. They want to keep you down at their level so they don't have to face themselves.

People are stuck on ego and fear mode. I know because I was too!!

Anonymous · Answer

The one who ends it, Arranged marriages use to be the norm for most of the world, and still are among the world that still has functional families. There are 2 benefits to this system that made it soo common for so long in successful cultures:

1: It allows parents with a life time of experience to pick qualified partners without irrelevant emotional garbage. So Susy (on the basis of outdated emotions) doesn't end up with a dumb jock who's viable means to support her ends in his 30s.

2: It leaves no pretends that the relationships is about the feelings or desires of the 2 parties but rather a productive cooperation for the propose of family and mutual security. So you work out your problems and don't make complex demands of each-other, focus upon the basics.

The modern world has for 10,000+ years Not been the hunter-gather stone-age for which you emotional judgement was evolved. We have rules and organization, the physical strength and attractiveness of the jock is nothing compared to the technical capabilities of the nerd. The nerd will be able to buy whatever you and your children need. You will have to support the dumb jock.

Screenwriter · Answer

Due to the fact that there are so many complications that can arise between people because of addictions, emotional and physical trauma, it's amazing that there isn't an 85% breakup rate.

People need time to get to know each other to see if they're suited. But it's the fact that people are guarded and HIDE their problems in order to get partners that there is a 50% failure rate. IT takes years to recognize that you simply can't stand to be in a relationship where you are unhappy with a partner who is in a rut, or that you are in a rut and need to get out of the relationship for your own reasons.

Everyone wants companionship and love. But some can't do it due to the aforementioned problems. Best case scenario is to get therapy, recognize your problems, work on them, and do your best with future relationships NOT to repeat them.

grega239 · Answer

That quote almost describes me.

Im not manipulative thou. Probably because i dont need to be.

Im inconsidate especially to myself.

Im appreciative to my mom.

Poor communication skill because i communicate only if i have to.

Insecure and lack empathy. Id call it indifference.

Past trauma is a major reason for the above. Betrayal will do that.

Bad at sex... no practice=no skill.

As for whos to blame for my last relationship being a shit show. Both and no one. We were too different and our idea of what a relationship should be were not the same

SakuraBlossoms87 · Answer

My last relationship ended because the guy pretended to be more than he was, but in reality he was passive aggressive & half of what he said was nothing but smoke & mirrors. I suspected early that a lot of what he said was malarkey (pointless talk) because he would contradict himself subtly in almost every conversation.

So when the relationship ended - it was a relief.

Who was to blame? Myself for wasting 2 months instead of saying at the first coffee date look this an't gonna work and simply blame the distance. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt... it just got worse than my initial assumptions.

lightbulb27 · Answer

what? I concluded we both were. the real thing is to take responsibility and make a solid decision, that takes courage and strength. The mess started before that decision and both own it for sure.

yes we are all flawed humans and as well, different. Fitting together different people can take work, finding out whom/what works best for us to keep the stress at the right level and the right amount of challenge.

exitseven · Answer

I had one relationship where it was her fault. She did not pay much attention to me. We had a long distance relationship and even when I would go to see her she sort of just used me like I was a fashion accessory. Finally I called her and broke up with her over the phone Another girl dumped me and went back to her old boyfriend. I think that I was to blame because I was hard to be around at that point of my life

Kabluie · Answer

It can be a give and take, sometimes it's just a variety of factors that add up. Will say one of my previous ones which I've eluded before, was no one's fault. Such as health reasons, factors we don't always control. We actually agreed on that too, and the way it ended was such.

hsshannah96 · Answer

If you lie to me we are THROUGH. Even if you lie saying you don’t have social media and I find a Snapchat (this happened recently).

inhua · Answer

it's the man's fault always because according to society "real men" take responsibility for everything including things outside of their control much less things within their control

for example, if a girlfriend/wife is attracted to 6 pack abs and the man doesn't have any abs and his girlfriend/wife cheats on him, it's his fault because he should've got those abs so she wouldn't have to stray. she's not evil for not being attracted to him and doing what she feels is in her best interest

another_curious_girl · Answer

I feel like this question would be to broad to answer. there are many ways a relationship could end up failing. lack of communication, boundaries were not set or respected, a person my have unhealed trauma, lack of money management or even just neglectful behavior like cheating or ghosting. I give a broad response though, who ever was the most disrespectful was the most at fault. It doesn't matter who started it, whoever exultated the problem past the point of no return is in the wrong

Gent207-2 · Answer

It takes two to tango but only one to cheat, lie, steal and abuse

molonski2 · Answer

There should never be " blame " , both have decided that it didn't work for them , there is no " blame " , it simply did not work out for the couple.

sheikalana · Answer

It really depends. In some relationship I was the one to blame in other relationships they were the ones to blame. We're humans and we all make mistakes.

thatshydork · Answer

Depends on why you split. Was there a big blowup? Was it a mutual decision? Did you guys decide you were better as friends?

Anonymous · Answer

Well I never been in no stupid relationship, so I don’t know 💅💅💅.

Never gotten cheated on or anything like that 💅💅💅. I swear if I even get into a relationship, seeing how trash men are. I’d probably just cheat in case he does it later on. 💅💅💅

TaureanBull81 · Answer

In my last relationship I had enough of my exGFs unresolved baggage 🧳 and mental health issues. Much happier leading the singles life over the past two years now 😊

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

Both, one party should never feel like a victim.

richardcory · Answer

I think its better to think in terms of compatibility rather than "fault".

Fireguy17 · Answer

Since I have never had an argument with myself it is usually both parties are to blame. No one is ever perfect.

SnowedIn · Answer

I have car loads of faults. I know I bear a lot of blame if a relationship ends.

jshm2 · Answer

Depends on circumstances. But in that pic, the asshole already has her excuses planned out!

Bully-O-Frog · Answer

Both parties in most cases. Guy cheats, yeah he's a cheater. But having been neglected for so long that he became suicidal, cheated because affection saves lives. Didn't leave the woman who neglected because suicide threats from her with paranoia to boot.

Who's more in the wrong? The situation is FUBAR from all angles.

worldscolide · Answer

Its usually a bit of both, unless there is abuse or cheating involved. Then its squarely the fault of the cheater or abuser.

LiamJHayden · Answer

No one. If we aren't meant to be we aren't meant to be. If she is not into me or vice versa, why waste time and energy?

Kacka · Answer

not matter why or whos blame it was more then others. clearly it happen , it wasn't healthy relationship , healthy ones don't need to worries about how not to broke... and whos fault it gonna to be :D

CrazyKittyStyx · Answer

I agree with a lot of people here, I don’t think anyone should necessarily be to blame for a break up, everyone has a part to play,. Even if one person cheats it’s never just black and white.
What really matters is how you both handle it.

DiegoO · Answer

I didn't trow any blame on her, but I know that her insecurities—like my expectations—, played a major roll in the detriment of the relation.

Deformate · Answer

Ia this a joke? Who's to blame? Assuming there was a definitive action thay caused the splot, the person who performed the action. It could be a mutual split. Nobody's fault, just a relationship that ran its course. It could be anything and without any context or an example, you asked a question that sounds like you're either trolling, or instigating.

Anemone978 · Answer

Both.. but the men I like tend to be really cruel I suppose that is why I stay with my husband.. he is mean but he never betrays me..

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

I wasn't in the relationship by myself. Sometimes things just don't work.

ImHere22 · Answer

That's an impossible question to answer with zero information

Drumlin2001 · Answer

It's usually complicated, blame on both sides to varying degrees.

TallAnon · Answer

Does it matter? Just do your best and try to be a decent human beimg. If it doesn't work out, that sucks, life goes on.

spartan55 · Answer

Blame is always shared to a certain degree.

elontesler3 · Answer

in a democratic society everything is always the mans fault, since he was born

AɴᴋᴀʀᴀBᴇʏᴇғᴇɴᴅɪꜱɪ · Answer

I think men are usually blamed. Women never think they are wrong.

Stressyalaire · Answer

Why does it have to be either one or the other?

Fuentes · Answer

Lol them always

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

Wouldn’t it depend on the context?

WhitneySnow · Answer

It could be either. Depends on the partner.

normandi · Answer

No body to blame shit just happen

gothbxtch · Answer

placing blame is unhealthy usually

Christoff92 · Answer

Depending how the relationship ended.

boobliker · Answer

the one who fuck up!

whistlingwh0res · Answer

Love liars and succubus

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

99/100 times it's the female's fault.

TooHot2Care · Answer

Yup.

When a relationship ends, who is to blame for why it ended, you or them? Why?

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