Are you or your (ex) partner/s usually to blame for the relationship ending?

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Who is to blame?

No one likes to take the blame for the reason why the relationship failed or ended, but I guess it's good to reflect on it so you can change if needed...

So, thinking back to your past relationships, did the relationship end because of you or because of your (ex) partner?
Or was it mutual/both?
Why did you break up?
If applicable, have you changed?

Thinking back on my past relationships, I always found myself attracted to the guys who had some mental issues. Great at masking it, but later found out the struggled a lot and it caused issues in the relationship. I was always the one by their side, but they'd push me away due to these mental issues that they left unresolved. I was always the one to get broken up with because they just needed to fix themselves and couldn't maintain a relationship. I wouldn't say either of us were to blame for the relationship ending, but the reason for the breakup was always because of their own issues.

I was the reason for the break up in past relationships.

My (ex) partner/s were the reason for the break up in past relationships.

It was a mutual break up/both of us were the reason.

Not Applicable/Never been in a relationship.

Results.

[HighlyVolatile]

I always saw it as a somewhat mutual thing. The bulk of my break-ups resulted in our relationships becoming long-distance as a result of one of us having to move to a new place for our work (often me, since I had to move to new cities all the time living in company-rented apartments and hotel rooms for my work).

The bulk of mine ended peacefully like this through a mutual agreement after realizing that the prospect of us being able to live together with our careers pushing us in opposite directions -- and sometimes as far as on the opposite sides of the world -- seemed almost impossible without one of us giving up on our career goals which both of us neither wanted to do nor ask of each other.

I did have a few that ended poorly. One involved an ultimatum to choose between my ex or my friends, and I just refused to comply. That's an admitted stubbornness on my part but I stand by that decision since I never wanted to be with a partner whose communication style involved coercing me this way.

The worst of my break-ups involved a heated argument that escalated and escalated, and it was definitely immature on my part to at least contribute to the escalation. But it takes two to tangle here so I saw it as a combination of both of us being immature at the time. I've since learned the hard way to never fight with a lover as we lose even when we win. I think I did manage to dodge a bullet there since she was a most difficult girlfriend with no friends of her own save for her older sister; her temperament tended to ward people away from her and not just me. Yet I am certainly not without fault in that breakup and had my share of lessons to lean, as in all things.

[HighlyVolatile]

* But it takes two to [tango] here so I saw it as a combination of both of us being immature [...]
* Yet I am certainly not without fault in that breakup and had my share of lessons to [learn], as in all things.

[HighlyVolatile]

I've generally been less concerned with fault and more about trying to learn from the experience. If we focus on faults, my default mindset (probably more Japanese than anything else) is that everything bad that happens to me is my fault. If I use an analogy, say I am driving on the road and I make no mistakes and someone rear-ends me when I come to a stop. By legal standards it's not my fault since I didn't do anything wrong as far as mistakes. Yet it's still my fault in the sense that maybe I could have eased into the brakes better and reduced the probability of that happening. There are still potential lessons to learn, so everything is my fault in a sense as I see it.

[HighlyVolatile]

That's actually really difficult to communicate! I don't know how to explain it well. But that's a kind of old-style Japanese way of thinking; pointing fingers at blame is considered in very poor taste even if we aren't the direct cause of something. At the same time, I spent many years living, studying, and working in the US and so I know how alien it is to think this way in some other cultures, so I sort of think somewhere in the middle and adjust my sense of communicated accountability based on the culture. But in essence, everything is my fault even when it's not.

[Kaneki05]

Most of them wasn't my fault. I think though a part of me always blames myself either way. Then the one's that were mine I've learned from my mistakes. Well I've learnt from all I would like to think.
The one's on my behalf was due to a thing called limerence which I am fully aware of now and 100% work on it as soon as I spot it.
You see I am mostly logical than emotional, but limerence is for sure a emotional thing so what I have to do is try to remain logical otherwise it's bad. Though also tbf limerence does have advantages with it like making a super close connection.

One of the main problems of it been emotional over logical is getting attached quickly someone who has nothing in common thus will lead to ending of said relationship after it's gone on for a bit and one realises as such.
Another is getting attached to someone who don't like you or even worse they are taken already. You see if one remained logical they would go 'nope it ain't gonna work bye.' however someone with emotional will go 'Dammit I cannot stop thinking about you.'

[Smoke-n-Growls]

For me, my first relationship was a mutual blame. I was still growing into who I really was, and had a LOT of shit to get together.

He did cheat on me, but he never admitted it - the sidepiece did. She was also twice his age and married. And at one point both my ex and my boss.

In my second relationship, it was his fault. He was lazy, but worst of all didn't tell me when he needed help and fell through on all his promises. Basically, he didn't own up to or put in effort for things he wanted - and it ended up being such a pattern that I couldn't see him growing into who he wanted to be.

I left him. No cheating, but the fault in this one lies very much with him. I was clear about where I was in life and what I wanted - he was all for it, but misrepresented his capability and willingness to rise to the occasion. He wanted a mother, not a partner. But he didn't know it himself, either.

So the second I see as a learning for both of us, since he taught me how to be myself and be authentic in a relationship. But he also learned he needs to be an adult and get his shit together to keep a relationship.

[DarkCarousel]

One was mutual. We had different goals for life. It was a hard breakup because we had known and loved each other for a long time.
One was him breaking up with me. I had some deep insecurities and we were very emotionally incompatible— him being closed off and me being too expressive/needy with my feelings.
The other two were me doing the breaking up. One was physically abusive. The other was a “functional” alcoholic.
I put a lot into my relationships. But that doesn’t mean I’m a perfect partner. I’ve taken the time to heal from my relationships and think about what I could have done better or differently. I’m cautiously optimistic. I may be ready to start dating soon.

[Finchie40]

I am not saying I am perfect but it’s usually the girl’s fault these days , Most girl’s do not know how to remove selfishness , they only want you to remove selfishness for them but they can not for you , The second I tell her what she is doing is disrespectful she will turn it around that I am controlling and insecure , but the truth is she is the one that is being controlling and insecure , it’s her way or no way , becomes a one sided relationship, It’s hard for girl’s to admit they are wrong for their actions , She doesn’t want me to do certain things like having friends and going out with friends but when she meets a friend it’s ok for her to do , Girl’s easily exclude their partners , she doesn’t prioritize him like he prioritizes her , a guy that loves his girl will limit his friendship with friends to spend more time with her and value her a girl will only do that on the beginning but eventually make Friends and start excluding her man, Double standards do not work in relationships and most girl’s today do not grasp that , Most girl’s have the grass is greener on the other syndrome in her , Most girl’s aren’t content with what they have , It doesn’t take us men that much to please us , it takes her a whole list of things for her to be pleased. Money is mainly the girl’s objective in a relationship , if her man loses his job or business she will be drawn to another guy that has money and status , her current man becomes worthless to her because she compares her Life to others , Most guys fall for a girl for her beauty and her personality he doesn’t care about where she works or how much money she makes or what kind of car she drives , he is focused on her beauty and personality, Girl’s are
Focused on what she can receive from a guy , if he fails at any of those things she was first drawn to he will become worthless to her

[midnightmoon05]

Mostly it takes two to be in a relationship, it takes two to work it through … if it ends… both are responsible…I am stating the type that are serious.

some would go in without being clear of their intend…its the fault of the one who is not clear so one must move on as soon as that message is shared or not shared by some point…
some are clear and would say they are not interested in a serious relationship and just want to see how things go… then you have to take the initiative to decide.

[Lliam]

Looking back on my early relationships, beginning at age 16, I was mostly in it for the sex, but also loved romance, infatuation and female companionship.

I wanted committed relationships with nice girls, not conquests or hook ups.

I didn't want to get married or have kids, so when things got too serious or I started feeling like I had had enough, even though I never cheated, I eventually moved on. I was busy being carefree, having fun and experiencing life.

It wasn't until my mid-30s that I started thinking of finding a life partner and settling down. The only shit relationship I ever had was when I was 35. The most amazingly magical relationship was when I was 37. She was the first woman I loved with all my heart and she loved me. We lived together for over a year but circumstances forced us to part.

I met my future wife when I was 40 and we've been happily married now for over 25 years.

[NathanDavis]

I never actually "broke up" in my previous relationships, there were no fights, no drama or things going really bad and sour, so there were no blaming and no pointing fingers...

we just completed cycles, especially on my first relationships for which I was younger and way younger... we always had this happening by mutual agreement and because it was for the best to both of us and our lives, and plans and all of that

and this is a big part of why I am still in touch with them and in very good terms, a couple of them even are my best friends and this is how I see them, as my longtime friends rather than my ex-girlfriends

so no, I don't blame life either, nor the Universe or something like that... there's just nothing to complain about, nor to regret or any of that, lol

[TexasRed95]

From what I have been told I'm the reason I can't get in a relationship. It's very hard for me to show affection and I think that's because I was abused by my father for years. Basically for me if I say I like you then I really LIKE you and think we would be compatible together. At the start that's the extent of me showing affection is saying I am interested in you. It's hard to describe but I look at our positives and negatives and think about how we would work out very critically. And apparently women don't like that at all.

[DiegoO]

I made several MyTakes related to the LD relation I had. The last ones were about why the relationship failed. I must admit it was tough but I do accept that I severely damage the relationship before she ever did. The relation was online and I cheated online. After that nothing was exactly the same, but in my defense (not to justify the infidelities), even before I cheated, she was insanely jealous, and I am talking about day 1, from the first time we met in a chat, she always had this huge insecurity with my social life, in RL and online. After waiting 4 months wanting to see her on cam, I snapped and said to myself "fuck this, she´s playing with me". Again, I am not justifying what I did, I just wanted to explain how things were developing back then.

[Anonymous]

There was only one relationship were I believed I was legitimately at fault for the break up. I even owned up to it the day she dumped me. I blamed myself for the longest time for self sabotaging a good thing. I didn’t put the same amount of effort and respect into the relationship as she did.

Then I found out not too long ago that the whore cheated on me and used that incident as a catalyst to break up with me. That gave me partial relief from the self blame but it also deeply depressed me.

Every woman I have ever dated has done something extremely selfish and conceited. Every single one.

[Msputiton]

Only had 2 break ups. First 1 he was talkin to other females (We were 14 going on 15 so i blame it on maturity)

2nd break up her parents forced us to breakup when we were 15. (Neither one of our faults)

Now that we old enough to do what we want we are back together.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Good on you you both for sicking to your guns!

[Msputiton]

@TommyMountainFigure 🥰

[Isismoonie]

I know for my first two relationships my exes were to blame. One was a narcissist, the other was a jealous and possessive jerks


My last relationship maybe was me for the most part because I didn’t want to end the relationship even though I wasn’t satisfied. He ended it when he was finally done with our constant disagreements.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Its not you its me, and I mean that... either I did something wrong or I can't handle something he did or does... so either way its me and I am okay with that.

I don't have a problem taking blame for anything, even things I didn't cause, it does not change anything in the end.

[lisaagreen]

tbh i think its both of us. we never stop learning in a relationship. in my case it was mistakes thats been done from both parties due to lack of communication. I think its never one person s fault in a relationship because i believe every action is counted and its not fair to blame only the mistakes that initiated the breakup. But it does mean that one person or the other crossed the line after sometime. and as i said , we keep always learning from past relationships and past mistakes. Hopefully that made sense.

[melanieeeB]

Uhm well the first "relationship" was , looking back, not a real serious relationship and that's also why I ended it, it had no future and the on/off was annoying as hell.

My last ended, cause he realized that he isn't developing any more feelings and sees me more as a best friend (that he ia attracted to) but he didn't see a future with me anymore

[DermalPunch]

I didn't vote. I will never claims perfection. I think that I am always willing to work things out while my past partners don't care if things fester. I won't stay if a persin refuses to work on issues. Sadly I've been with a lot of narcissistic types who just like the veneer to look good to the outside world and don't crave true intimacy.

[glennos89]

I think it's important to reflect on your own mistakes after breakup instead off blaming the other. There is nothing to gain in pointing to your ex but when you reflect on your own actions, you can learn from it and be a better person in your next relationship. Because in the end nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes but if you don't self reflect you'll be having the same issues over and over again

[mobiusforniner]

I was dumped in two relationships. My second ex became my wife. Weird how that works.

I dumped three girls, all for different reasons. The first, it was because I wasn't feeling a connection. The second, because we moved apart and stopped talking. The third, because I was madly in love with her and I couldn't be.

[Valso]

It was always the partner, though on one occasion I kicked her out (figuratively speaking bc we weren't living together) because she thought I was her property and could control every aspect of my life - whom to speak with, whom to meet with, what to wear and even what to watch. Big mistake... But either way she was the reason.

[Anonymous]

It's usually my fault because I refuse to give in to their control tactics. So they end up getting angry at me and I end it. I'm not gonna be controlled, I'm not gonna argue about it, and I'm not gonna tolerate the childish bullshit that always results.

[AviatorTom]

Our divorce after 20 years of marriage was mutual and amicable. Neither one of us was at fault. It was just time for both of us to move on, and we have. I'm happy where I am now and so is she... we still stay in touch.

[crossdressingrihno]

Honestly I've had both relationships where I was the problem and relationships where my partner was the problem

Both were fairly common back when I actually dated people but I don't do that anymore

[Mk32123]

My first relationship, I’d probably say I was more to blame as I was growing and only aged 16. At that age when hormones are developing and you’re growing into yourself then things can go crazy so I’d definitely say it was me with that one. With my second relationship aged around 22/23 I would say it was him as he was afraid of commitment (and this has shown in his relationships following me). I think it’s easy to put the blame on the other party which is what you will see in the comments here.