Did you ever intiate a breakup with someone you loved so much?

[gayesblog]

How did you deal with it? I'd like to read your stories...

[Ozanne]

Yes, and it was very hard.

I met a man who was extremely good-looking. (He looked like young Russell Crowe to me.) He was shy and didn't seem interested in love, from me or anyone else. We became friends first, and I was okay with just dissipating my feelings if it had to be that way, but eventually he opened up to me and we became close.

I learned after we finally got physical, he confessed to me that he was sexually abused as a child by a male relative. The story was disgusting, and it explained so much of the problems I noticed. His distrust in absolutely everyone, his inability to get close, etc. Throughout his adult life, he was seeing a therapist monthly because of it. I even took part in a couple of sessions with him to help.

There are so many awful examples of such toxicity he subjected me to, and I patiently waited to see if he would indeed "get better", as he promised me so much that he would try to do. From attacking me in his sleep (being choked out, being hit in the mouth), to just plain disdain toward me, and outright doing his best to embarrass me in front of people, I tolerated it, because I thought, "What sort of louse would I be if I broke up with this broken man?"

Finally I had to save myself. After three long years of putting up with his abuse toward me, which he strangely felt entitled to do, I analyzed my situation and decided that I had no choice.

Even our breakup was abusive on his part. It took months to be rid of him.

Finally when I had to see him one last time to give him something or get something of mine at his new place, when I got there, he looked so forlorn and broken. It was the same look I remember when I first laid eyes on him. He was so attractive, yet appeared to look as though he simply needed love.

I gave him a quick kiss-on-the-cheek goodbye and said "take care" and goodbye. He looked so sorry to see me go. But I never saw him again. To this day, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I hope he found a way to cope in life, but at the same time, I don't give a shit what ended up happening to him.

[Inbox]

@Ozanne I literally just dropped off my ex love of my life at her new place only an hour ago and I can tell you that love is just so powerful, but I made it clear that there are red lines I will never cross, such as domestic abuse.

Any man or woman that lays a hand on you intentionally to harm you is automatically cut out of my life. The problem is when feelings or even love get involved, it tends to screw with our ability to be rational (matters of the heart are never rational). Unfortunately, the abuse typically only gets worse with time and in many cases, women don’t come out of it alive.

I’ll always miss and love my Anna banana and we only broke up due to her not wanting children (understandably so). She too was a victim of domestic violence and it always makes me angry that there are weak ass men like this in the world and the damages it causes to men and women over the long run.

In regards to your ex, his emotional problems are understandable, but the physical abuse is inexcusable barring certain exceptions (e. g. involuntary, self defense, etc)!

[Ozanne]

@Inbox Hi, Inbox, thank you for your thoughtful, encouraging words. I can't agree more! I had written and rewritten my comment many times, and one of the things I wrote before was the detail about what the physical abuse was.

My ex had night terrors, so he wasn't even aware that during his sleep he was attacking me. Nonetheless, I had to deal with it like real abuse, even though he didn't recall a moment of harming me.

I asked him to sleep in the spare room, which he did. But after a time when we thought we'd try sharing a bed again, he went right back to attacking me in his sleep.

It truly was a quick ending for us after that, when I realized that not only was I waiting for nothing, but treated so poorly by him during that time, and now -- physically harmed?

He wanted so badly to "get better", but it just wasn't happening. He only got worse, and I'm no professional to have known what more to do. That's why I say, I had no choice but to save myself.

[Inbox]

You are welcome. I'm sorry to hear about all this though. Better to have loved than not loved at all as they say!

[provokeesmokee]

I was engaged to a guy from an LDR. Seeing just how badly he handled his attempted international move to my country saved me from making a mistake and marrying him.

But as much as I saw and knew that continuing to be in a relationship with him would be a mistake, it was still really hard to realize loving him wasn't enough to make the relationship work. He wasn't going to be able to make a relationship with me work, and I wasn't going to be able to make a relationship with him work.

I had a serious talk with him before I flew back home, left him with the ring. That conversation and that whole unexpected trip back to his family home (he'd given up his apartment) was all hard. I'm sure on both of us, but from my side it was both desperate and painful.

I took two weeks to myself to really think it out. I cried for most of each of those days, while still working and still unpacking from my move to what should've been our home together.

I spoke to my family, my friends, and my psychologist. Then I kept thinking and reflecting. And it consistently came back: I'd seen him as he truly is and I can't live with that. I loved him, I held him in my heart, but it would only fester into resentment if I kept the relationship.

So I broke up with him. And now after more reflection and more lived experience, I can say it was for the best. I'll cherish the good times. Better they stay fond memories than fuel for resentment.

[ZackBan]

I did. And to keep it short: it was a dilemma between real feelings and a relationship that had reached it's ceiling.

The woman was much older than me and she lived in a different country. She would often make the trip over to stay with me for a week or so and then leave, we kept up via videocalls in between visits.

Eventually I realized that I'm wasting valuable years of my youth turning down experiences from women my age that could turn into something more engaged and sustainable all to hang on to an idealistic fantasy that me and that woman would ever be together on equal grounds.

So even though I loved her, I ended it.
And I got dumped later in life but it didn't hurt as much as being the one to dump someone you still had feel for

[AaronKrieger]

Yes, I broke up with her, since I needed a mental break, but I had also foresaw future problems that'd happen if we continued dating long-term.

She is an amazing girl and I have never had chemistry like with her. It hurt like a bitch breaking up with her and afterwards I suppressed the hell out of any negative feelings it'd cause me. This worked like a charm, but I felt a little dead inside for a bit due to it, lmao.

[OlderAndWiser]

Two Days Ago, I Closed A Chapter In My Life

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No, I always believed love can be the medicine to anything.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

And if you love someone enough, anything can be solved.

[Lilibet]

I did. Sometimes people that we love are treating us just wrong. My ex was way older than me, but he was super smart and loving. At the beginning his family especially his mom was so supportive and happy that we are together and after few months she became super jealous that he was spending more time with me than her. Whenever we did go she had to go with us. After that he started lying to me, going out in the evening and I was alone with his family ( we did live together). Finally I was crying every night. One evening I went to my parents house and my ex went somewhere to see his friends and he supposed to pick me up later at night, he didn’t, he didn’t even responded me or picked up when I called him. Next morning I was just exhausted of how poorly his family was treating me and he himself, I went to our house and took all my belongings and left. I loved him so much, I was hurting for months after, I was drinking a lot and just spending lots of money, I didn’t even worked at that time. Was just so heartbroken. But now I’m so glad I left, even tho I loved him, he wasn’t good for me and I wasn’t happy with him

[Rei13]

I technically initiated the breakup with my last serious relationship. We both cried. He travelled a lot for work and we did not handle long distance well. I really did love him and he will always hold a place in my heart. We have both since moved on. It took me a long time to heal. I kind of got lost initially spending time with friends in RL then video games and playing with new people online when the pandemic hit. I met a lot of great people and feeling that void with social interaction helped. I also went to the gym for a short period of time after the breakup and that helped too. The gym is my new coping mechanism years later as it is probably the best one, still game tho lol

[Marklaw12]

No. My heart can't take it.

One loved me so much she asked me to marry her.

I was so young, I wasn't ready. I think I somewhat regret it. She also wanted papers. So I might have misread her.

She's so happy now with two kids.

She still texts me for advice here and there and I make sure never to abuse it or open doors.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I told her about my opposition to the use of abortifacients like Plan B early on in our relationship. So when she asked me to help her sister get it the relationship was over I just had to end it. It was difficult and messy. We got back together three times. Before I suggested going no contact. That seems to have ended things completely; but if she came back I don't know if I could resist her if I am still single.

[lildkman1090]

Yes after 10 years I chose to leave because we were fighting so much at some point we were going to kill each other

[FreyaRed]

I kicked someone I loved but was it really "so much"? I doubt

[whirled_up_girl]

No, I was never the one doing the breaking up part.

[mobiusforniner]

Yes. Still hurts. If you want to hear about it, message me.

[msc545]

I have done this with women I loved because of their behavior toward me. I always felt relieved afterward.

[KrakenAttackin]

Ha! This is so female. "I love him too much"😂😂😂

[Anonymous]

Only once. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But it needed to be done.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you have to break a heart to move forward. Life was never meant to be easy.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Why would I break up with a person I loved?

[shades777]

yea shit happens

[eagle1951]

yeah once