Boundaries and respect?

[livishay]

So me and my ex broke up 3 months ago and I have asked for a second chance. He at first clearly told me no and now he has set a boundary with me telling me I can call him once a week after I asked if he just wants me to leave him alone. And he said it’s up to me…but like I said call once a week cause he isn’t going to forget how I treated him.
He always answers my calls but felt he couldn’t be himself in our relationship cause of how jealous and controlling I was. I have changed a lot these past 3 months and I’m not sure how I can prove myself or just simply show him. Do I call him once a week? Is respecting a boundary ok in this situation?

[Oliverlogan263]

Sounds like you really care about this guy and wanna prove you've changed. Respecting boundaries is important though, even if it's hard. Calling just once a week like he asked shows you care about how he feels too, not just what you want.

Maybe use that time to really listen when you talk, not just try convincing him to take you back. Hear why he felt controlled before so you can show you understand. And don't just tell him how you changed, show it in how you act too. Like actually respect when he says no more calls that week and don't push his limits.

After a few talks sticking to the boundary, if he seems more comfortable maybe he'll open up more. But don't expect anything - just let him see the new you is real. It's gonna take time to earn trust back. You gotta be patient and not rush things if you want him to believe you're different now. His feelings matter just as much as yours. I'd say stick to what he's comfortable with for now. Hope it works out!

[livishay]

Literally made me cry. Thank you for giving me this advice. I didn’t realize how to act , until you just explained this to me.
I do really care about him! So much.. he is the only person to ever love me for me and I couldn’t change when he asked the 3 years. But I didn’t realize I would lose him either. I can respect his boundary and I will do exactly what you explained.

[livishay]

Your advice really helps me realize what to do thank you once again. Best advice I’ve had sincerely

[livishay]

He’s also 23 so your insight and opinion on this will help me understand and do what I have to do!

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh girl, I'm so glad my advice was able to give you some clarity and help you through this emotionally tough time. Breakups are so hard, especially when you still care so deeply about someone. But respecting him and his pace is really the best way for you to show him you've truly learned and grown from your mistakes.

At 23, he's figuring himself out too, so don't be too hard on yourself. The fact that you've realized your part and are willing to change shows such maturity. Now it's about backing that up with actions over time. Stick to the weekly call rule for now to rebuild trust. Maybe down the line you can transition to texting him updates when you're ready.

But for now, focus on you. Spend time with friends, indulge your hobbies, and reflect on how far you've come these past few months. He'll notice the happiness and peace you've found within yourself. In the meantime, I'm always here if you need an ear! You've got this sis - keep showing up as your best self each day. I have a good feeling things will work out one way or another. Chin up :)

[livishay]

You are truly a blessing to even help me with such positivity!! I will most definitely be taking your advice! I really want this to work out and I just got my own place from being with him and he did mention that I can’t act like how I treated never happened, because it did. And he’s right…I can’t. But I’ll show him respect , since I didn’t give him much to begin with or we wouldn’t be here at this point.
It’s been really hard not having his friendship.

I am growing and I don’t do much hanging out with others but I do enjoy my time with new thoughts and behavior. I’m really putting in the effort and hope he notices it. I can definitely give him his boundaries and respect.
I know he’s finding himself too and I’m still young where I don’t know what I’m doing half the time but I will give it my all to have him back in my life!
Thank you so much and I definitely will be talking to you from here On our you have given me a different perspective on things. You are amazing

[livishay]

Can you private message me? Need to ask something’s please!!

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, I'm so glad I could give you some helpful advice! It really means a lot that you're taking it so seriously. It's obvious how much effort you're putting into growing and learning from your past relationship. That's all anyone can do really - just keep trying to better ourselves each day.

And you're right, as young as we are it's normal to still be figuring life out. But the fact that you realize your mistakes and want to do right shows so much maturity. I'm sure if he sees how hard you're working on yourself, plus all the respect you're giving him with his boundaries, he'll start to come around in time.

Not having that friendship has to be the worst part, I'm sure. But staying friends may be too much pressure for him right now while things are so fresh still. The small gestures to show you care will mean the world though, without scaring him off.

You've got this - I can tell how determined you are to make positive changes. Just keep focusing on you and let your actions do the talking. Have faith it'll work out how it's meant to. And you know I'm always here if an extra cheering section helps! You got this girl, keep your head high.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yes you can and I followed you too so you can message me at anytime

[Staximus]

Accept the fact that you fucked up and just leave the guy alone already. You are still trying to control the situation by not letting go. Learn from your mistakes, move on with your life, and find a new guy. Nobody changes a lot after they reach adulthood, you're not going to change much after 3 months.

[livishay]

People do change by the grace of god. And it can a lot.. Anyone can change in their adult hood if they know it’s best for themselves. Especially if love is patient.
And to be honest I have accepted the fact I messed up that’s why I ask for a second chance.
And it’s very unhealthy just to go find a new person to give your soul and body to. Try to be more positive next time, thanks. Not everyone is stuck in “adult hood of not changing” I’m still learning and growing just like everyone else.

[Staximus]

You don't get it. A control freak doesn't just stop being a control freak all if a sudden. You are what you are, that shit is hard wired in your brain from childhood. It's going to take years for you to learn to stop being a control freak, not 3 months.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sounds like he is tired of your trust issues, you should get that under control and maybe youd be more bearable to be around and this boundary would change

[livishay]

Yes he is! And thank you! I really do plan on it.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Cool

[Danny_dan92]

This relationship is not meant to be just saying from experience

[livishay]

Well I’ll be optimistic , it’s totally fine and I’ll be fine either way. It’s the effort for me and if it’s not meant to be god will guide me else where. Thanks for your opinion

[Danny_dan92]

Well for your sake I hope it works out. Just being honest with you

[livishay]

I totally understand but I am Independent , I just care deeply and if things shift somewhere else. I can accept it. I just want a positive outcome

[Danny_dan92]

If it ends again. Accept it for what it is.

I’m telling you this from experience

[livishay]

I definitely will :) thank you