Can having pregnancy depression deem you an unfit mother even if you don't have depression after the baby is born?

[Anonymous]

If you had what you believe to be pregnancy depression while you were pregnant (felt super anxious and worried about your baby, got panicked for no reason usually about your baby, was a little more sensitive/emotional, etc.), would that cause you to be deemed an unfit mother if your case had to go to court for a custody battle? If you were FINE now and only ever had any issues like that during your pregnancy, would you be ok? If you agreed to take a mental evaluation (and passed it with no issue) would that allow you to still keep your child?

If there was never any REAL medical diagnosis of pregnancy depression and you just THOUGHT you had it based off of an online quiz, would that get thrown out in court?

I'm just trying to look at the angles here because I may have to go to court with my ex over our child. I never had any official diagnosis of pregnancy depression or anything during my pregnancy, but an online quiz suggested I may have it because I answered that I had feelings of anxiety/worry related to my child, blamed myself whenever something went wrong, and felt panicky at times without a known reason. The results said that I may have it then.

If we were to go to court, could he use printed results like that against me, even if I had no MEDICAL diagnosis?

[TommyMountainFigure]

If we are talking about courts in civilised countries, you need NEVER worry about that!

[Asker]

Court would be in the USA since that's where I'm from. I was just wondering if he got nasty and decided to try to use that printed result, would it be thrown out or would they take that into consideration? It was NOT any sort of official medical diagnosis at all. It was just an online quiz that asked some very basic questions then generated a result.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Moods swings during pregnancy are perfectly normal. No court in the US would even entertain such a case, let alone give you cause to worry of their decisions!

[TommyMountainFigure]

I have just read through your question again and I think you should counter sue on grounds of mental abuse. I reckon you would have a great chance of proving it too!

[Asker]

Honestly, you're right and make a fair point. I don't even think I HAD pregnancy depression. I've never had a history of mental illness. I've never been hospitalized. I've never made any attempts to hurt myself in any way. I've never been deemed a threat to myself or others. At one point, I did break down and tell this ex that I wanted to die/not be alive anymore. I was still pregnant and I was very hurt by his actions. He was not treating me good and was basically blaming every last thing on me. I was left feeling really sad and hurt and really did believe the manipulative moves he was using. So, I just said that I screwed everything up and people would be better off without me and said I didn't want to be alive. He immediately started to attack me more, saying how I was awful and selfish for wanting to hurt an innocent life (the unborn baby at the time). He was really mad at me for it.

[Asker]

I regret going to that level. I'd obviously never really do anything to myself. I was just feeling so incredibly hurt by everything that was going on at that time. I never had any sort of medical diagnosis to prove I had any sort of mental illness/issue. I even talked to the police that night (he made me) and they literally thought it was a prank call. They didn't deem me a threat to myself or others and saw absolutely no issues. They said they didn't even have any proof to go off (like there were no texts showing where I said anything), so it was just a "he said, she said" situation and they were just going off of what my ex had told them. When they left, they said "clearly, there is no issue here, so we'll get out of your hair and let you enjoy the rest of your evening". They confirmed there were no weapons in my possession (I've NEVER owned a weapon and never will, especially with a child now!) and confirmed I had no plan or method of doing anything.

I fear if he recorded the phone call part where I did say that stuff, the court my decide to use that to prove I am unfit or something. As I said though, I spoke to the police during that incident and they deemed it as a prank call. They did not see a single form of evidence that indicated I was in any danger or a threat. I actually think they were annoyed that got called because they did not see any point of needing to visit me. They surely made a report of that, right? So, could the court go back to that date (I have it wrote down) and see the report and see that no, I was not in any danger?

[TommyMountainFigure]

You were suffering intolerable amounts of abuse. There were only 2 options available to you.. 1 was to crawl into a shell, the other was to lash out.. which you did.. I don't mean with your fists, I meant in a way you knew would hurt him. If anyone should be seeking to take the other to court, it should be you taking him.. Police do not like getting involved in what they deem civil matters, unless there is a danger to life.. they probably saw the argument as nothing more than a civil argument..

[Asker]

You have reassured me a lot, thank you. I felt so stupid after I made those comments. I'd never, ever hurt myself or my child. I would never be able to end my own life (I'd seriously be too "chicken"). I know that is far from worth it and there are far better methods to handle things.

Like you said, I was being attacked verbally and emotionally. With all the hormones already surging, I was being degraded, belittled and essentially called a total failure who screwed everything up. I was really hurt. I started to believe it WAS all my fault and I had broken up our family. It made me really upset. I had tried to reason with him, he refused. So, I said all that stuff about wanting to die/being better off not around. It was a weak moment, and I never had any true means or plans to "accomplish" anything.

Police even deemed me totally fit and not a threat to anyone. That should certainly be enough credibility to show I'm not dangerous. I could pass any mental health exam no issue. I have witnesses that would vouch that I've never been "crazy", I've never been violent, I've never had any diagnosis of mental illness.

I just don't trust him. I feel he would be the type to record something like this or have someone on his side record it just to peg me as the "psycho" who doesn't deserve custody, despite that being a million times FALSE. I was afraid one weak moment may cost me my child.

After speaking with you, I see how unlikely that is. Especially with all the proof I've got against him. I'm sure even those responding officers present that night would be willing to vouch that NOTHING was amiss and I was in no shape or form a danger.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You're welcome.. I maintain, if he DOES try and sue you or issue court proceedings against you, you MUST counter sue on grounds of mental abuse.. HE should be the one worried about it.. not you, and I guarantee you his lawyer will advise him not to proceed, because I'm telling you. he will lose, and lose royally!

[Asker]

Thank you. I confided in close family and friends about my fears and they all LAUGHED when I suggested he may try to take me to court. They all agreed he would never, ever stand a single chance at custody and could NEVER win in taking the child from me. They said he would be laughed out of court and it'd be an open and shut case with ME winning.

I should mention I do have ALL of this (plus other things) documented and I do have witnesses to support and vouch for all the claims and stories. Then with the whole "she's suicidal" crap, I'm pretty sure there's a POLICE report to back that I was found to be totally fine and not a threat (surely they documented that call/interaction and noted it was written off as a prank call). So, yeah. I doubt he would have a leg to stand on in front of a judge. We live in a state that is very "for the mom" anyhow. A mother REALLY has to do some crazy things to be deemed unfit. If a mom actually LOSES custody in this case, she truly is a terrible mother. A lot of times, these women are drug users, alcoholics, truly violent (and with evidence to back these claims like abuse charges), unfit (refuse to keep their house clean, refuse to properly care for their child, etc.). It takes a lot for a judge in this state to actually give custody to the dad or another family member. It's almost always the mother winning unless there's HARD evidence proving she isn't fit. There is NO proof I'm unfit. None at all. In fact, it's the opposite. There is plenty of proof I'm extremely fit and a wonderful parent.

[TommyMountainFigure]

If I were you, I would lock all that away in a draw and get on enjoying your life.. It strikes me as if you have been worrying about this for FAR too long.. It's now time to put it all behind you. it really is!

[Asker]

I'm certainly much more at ease now. It was bothering me a lot. After the call was over, I thought to myself "oh, you FOOL! You said that ON CALL! What if he or someone else recorded that? You'll be in so much trouble!". After speaking with you and other people, I've discovered I actually haven't got a thing to worry about as far as that goes.

Thank you again!

[TommyMountainFigure]

You are very welcome, and thank you for MHO

[Asker]

Absolutely! You've certainly earned it!

[Asker]

Just wanted to come by to give an update -

We are so far still exes/separated. However, he did text me a couple times. He is taking interest in the child we share. Asking me for updates and stuff. He has been brief, but civil, and has not mentioned ANYTHING that happened between us. He's even been so civil as to thank me for providing updates.

My guard is indeed up. I'm just kind of wondering if I need to look out for the potential of him possibly trying to weasel his way back in/ask for another chance to be together again. I understand checking in on the child, but it's a little odd he's texting like that and being so civil now.

Example - he has NOT texted me from work since we've been separated. That changed today. He texted me from work this morning. He wanted to know how the child was doing and asked me to text him tomorrow to let me know how an appointment goes.

So, I'm not sure if he's just trying to suck up and be "father of the year" and make a show to seem that he cares, or if he maybe IS trying to ease into contacting me and communicating with me again so he can ask to work things out/get back together.

What do you think his motive is with this?