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If the girl doesn’t get her way or has a argument I ask because a frequent theme was I don’t know if I can be with someone in the future who doesn’t do this
Updates
9 mo
Over time I became really dejected and not feeling hopeful because it seemed she was always ready to leave or talk of leaving after each threat my trust just eroded
Updates
9 mo
So part of me believed that because I wanted a relationship for so long that I had to weather the storm
What Girls Said
No, it's manipulative.
Yeah I was asking because it was my first relationship
No. I suggest you find someone mature and stable.
So this wasn’t stable, I ask because this was my first relationship
It is not normal. It is not stable. She was saying that out of extreme insecurities. Two things should never be used as tools. Relationship status and sex.
So one thing I noticed is it things were going her way the relationship seemed to be find but if I was upset or something was bothering me It didn't matter
I'd say she had her security shaken in the past. Parent, boyfriend. She's locked in defense mode. She thinks you are going to abandon her so she's throwing that out there in an attempt to control it should it happen by saying it first. (Which is usually the case, her details might be tweaked a bit)
So she comes from a broken family her father was addicted to drugs and alcohol and constantly fought with her mother. She lost him in 2010 due to diabetic coma. Her mom is an alcoholic she came to visit us once and brought a case of beer cause she can easily drink 10+ per day. Her mom and her stepdad would fight and beat on each other. Her sister who has borderline personality disorder would beat on everyone in the family and call horrible names. So prior to our relationship she was dating a guy who would pressure her into sexual acts the more she told me the more anger I felt for her. So it essentially was rape because she said she felt pressured and manipulated however she never called it that and still to this day is friends with him on Facebook and when she broke up with him she found out he was engaged to a girl who had his child she begged to go back to him even offering to be a side chick. Throughout our relationship she showed she still had him on literally every platform Instagram, facebook, Snapchat
That is a lot.
How do you feel being in a relationship with all of that added.. trauma? Can you live with someone who is unstable? I can imagine it must be draining? Never know what her head space is. I imagine she must flick around emotions a lot.
You sound like a good man to stand by her. But keep in mind your comfort levels too. Be safe.
It was hard when I would bring up clear mental health issues and seeking treatment she would accuse me of gaslighting even though she would have full meltdowns kicking screaming and hyperventilating when she didn’t get her way. She would hit me call me bitch, other names her favorite was nuisance she also hit and abused our dog she also called him nuisance nothing ever progressed her friends would also take her side and say I was gaslighting her. Her mom was seeing how she was treating me like shit and then suddenly flipped to defending her. It was a absolute mess it made me question my reality of what was real my mental health started to suffer because it got to a point where she knew she could do whatever she wanted and people wouldn’t believe me and take her side. I was never allowed to breakup with her early 2021 her sister was living with us and constantly going against what we said she was doing drugs in the apartment eating our food and it was starting to become too much cause my then girlfriend wouldn’t stop her so I said I wanted to breakup well my girlfriend had a meltdown and the sister threatened to kill me.
Damn man. It has to have traumatized you. Have you reached out to counseling for yourself? Even an evaluation? I would. Don't get me wrong. You've written this out clearly and seem to know where everything sits. But it might make you feel better to unburden in person with someone. Release it. Let it go. Because that is a lot.
They can give you professional advice.
I think why this sticks with me the way it does it was
My first and only relationship
You're going to have to start fresh.
Give the girl a chance to show what a normal relationship can be like. With hopes she's a bit more stable and you haven't picked up a "type" from this.
So it ended last year so she was being verbally abusive I was driving to the grocery store and she wouldn’t stop calling me names, and yelling at me. So I politely asked her to to please stop she wouldn’t so I said I would pull over so she could exit the car because I don’t have to tolerate the abuse in my own car. She goes I’m not gonna exit I was like fine I can have the police assist. She kept going so I eventually pulled over to a side street and refused to keep driving and asked her again to exit. She walked home called her mom and broke up with me saying she couldn’t be with someone who kicks her out of their car and makes her walk home totally ignoring all the abuse she was doing to me it was the same with her mom and friends they totally ignored that she was being abusive and rather blame me
It's only a shame you couldn't have ended it first. Therapy would be helpful. Take care of you.
I think the most messed up part is I endured all I did for so long and in the midst of enduring all that and my mental health going to shit that people were openly blaming me like logic went out the window. People were painting a picture of I was causing the abuse i was getting