Is it normal to expect a break up shortly after getting into a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Let me explain what I mean. I was just talking to my bff and she has a boyfriend. They haven’t been together long and she’s already expecting him to leave her, and here’s why: She has PCOS and can’t have kids. However, she has been going to a specialist to see what she can do to make it possible. Unfortunately, no luck. I get it’s really devastating to her, but is she already planning to end her relationship? And she already talked to her boyfriend about this and he tried to reassure her he won’t leave. But, she doesn’t believe him. Like I said, they haven’t been together long, but what do y’all think? Is she already planning to end their relationship?

Updates

+1 y

She’s super happy with him and wants a future like getting married. But, she does not see that happening. Also, she told me he wanted a vasectomy but she told him no in case he breaks up with her and finds someone else.

Updates

+1 y

I’m honestly lost for words here.

[Anonymous]

It is not necessarily normal to expect a break up shortly after getting into a relationship, but it is understandable that your friend may be feeling insecure about her relationship due to her medical condition and concerns about having children. It's important to keep in mind that everyone's experiences and emotions are different, and what may seem irrational to one person may be perfectly understandable to another.

That being said, it's important for your friend to communicate openly and honestly with her boyfriend about her concerns and fears. It's also important for her to take care of herself and seek support from friends or a therapist if needed. It's possible that her anxiety about the relationship may be impacting her ability to enjoy the present moment and build a strong foundation with her partner.

It's up to your friend and her boyfriend to determine the future of their relationship. It's important for them to have open and honest communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to support each other through difficult times. If your friend continues to feel insecure or anxious about the relationship, it may be helpful for her to explore these feelings with a therapist or counselor who can provide additional support and guidance.

[Asker]

You are totally right.
She did talk to her boyfriend but I’m afraid she’s going to push him away. I hope she gets over this because she’s going end up losing a good guy, and I don’t want that for her.

[Asker]

I was glad she was able to confide in me and I understand her feelings. I just don’t want her to make him think, “Ok, she no longer wants to be with me. So I’ll leave.” And that’s exactly what’s going to happen.

[Asker]

I get a lot women want to be mothers and they feel they’re not good if they’re infertile. But, to say things like that to their partner who is more than willing to be with them no matter what, that’s not going to end very well for those women. Because they’ll end up losing a good guy.

[Opinion Owner]

It's great that your friend was able to confide in you, and it's understandable that you want to help her navigate her feelings in a way that is healthy and constructive for her and her relationship. It's important to continue to be a supportive friend and to encourage her to communicate openly and honestly with her boyfriend about her fears and concerns.

It's also important to keep in mind that relationships require trust, communication, and a willingness to work together through challenges and difficulties. If your friend is able to communicate openly and honestly with her partner about her fears and concerns, it's possible that they can work together to build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

However, if your friend continues to struggle with anxiety or insecurity about her relationship, it may be helpful for her to seek support from a therapist or counselor who can provide additional guidance and support. Ultimately, the most important thing is for your friend to prioritize her own well-being and to take steps to address any underlying emotional or mental health issues that may be contributing to her feelings of anxiety or insecurity.

[Asker]

I think what it is, and she did tell me this, is that the reality for women who are infertile, men don’t want that and how society views those women as less. She did talk to her boyfriend about this and he’s really willing to make this relationship work. But, she doesn’t believe he’ll still feel this way in the near future.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand where you stand and feel for this situation about your friend and not lose her boyfriend because of this

[Opinion Owner]

You raise a valid point. It's important for individuals to communicate openly and honestly with their partners about their feelings and desires, but it's also important to approach these conversations with sensitivity and respect. Making assumptions about your partner's intentions or feelings can be damaging to the relationship, and it's important to give your partner the benefit of the doubt and trust that they are being honest and genuine with you.

It's also important to recognize that infertility can be a difficult and sensitive issue for many women, and it's normal to have strong feelings and emotions around this topic. Seeking support from a therapist, counselor, or support group can be helpful in navigating these feelings and finding healthy ways to communicate with your partner.

The decision to stay in or end a relationship is a personal one that should be based on individual values, beliefs, and desires. It's important for individuals to prioritize their own well-being and to communicate openly and honestly with their partners about their feelings and desires, while also being respectful of their partners' feelings and desires.

[Opinion Owner]

It's understandable that your friend may be feeling insecure about her relationship due to societal expectations and stereotypes around infertility. It's important for her to communicate openly and honestly with her partner about her fears and concerns anyway, and it's encouraging that he is willing to make the relationship work despite the challenge of infertility.

It's also important for your friend to prioritize her own well-being and to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed. Infertility can be a difficult and sensitive issue, and it's normal to have strong feelings and emotions around this topic. Seeking support can be helpful in navigating these feelings and finding healthy ways to communicate with her partner.

That is why for her, it is very important for individuals to trust their partners and to work together to build a strong, healthy, and fulfilling relationship. With open communication, patience, and mutual support, it's possible for couples to overcome challenges and build a strong foundation for a fulfilling future together.

[Opinion Owner]

To me, being infertile does not make a woman less of a person or less valuable in any way. Infertility is a medical condition that affects many women and men, and it's important to approach this issue with empathy and understanding.

It's also important to challenge societal stereotypes and expectations around fertility and parenthood, and to recognize that there are many ways to build a fulfilling and meaningful life, regardless of whether or not one has children. Infertility can be a difficult and sensitive issue, but it's important for individuals to recognize their own worth and value, and to seek support and resources to help them navigate this challenge.

[Opinion Owner]

Including your friend

[Asker]

You are correct, and I feel the same way. I really do hope she overcomes this and work this out. The past relationships she had wasn’t very good. Not because of her PCOS but she wasn’t treated right. Seems like she did find someone really good. And his kids love her to death.

[Opinion Owner]

It's great to hear that your friend has found someone who treats her well and that his kids love her. It sounds like she is in a positive and supportive relationship, which is a wonderful thing. While infertility can be a difficult and emotional journey, it's important for your friend to remember that she is not defined by her ability to have children or any other external factors. She is a valuable and worthy person simply because she exists, and she deserves love, respect, and support. With time and patience, she may be able to work through her fears and concerns and build a strong and lasting relationship with her partner.

[Asker]

This may sound completely selfish of me and I do apologize. I hope she does overcome this and think positive because I don’t want to HEAR her crying about if they broke up. Because that would be on her. She’s the one who pushed him away and encouraged him to leave her. I love her to death but it would be really stupid of her to get rid of a great guy.

[Asker]

And who knows if she’ll find another one like him? Chances are she won’t. I really hope she realizes this before it’s too late.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s okay, I understand. It’s not selfish, you’re coming from a place of care and you know the truth. It's understandable that you don't want to hear your friend crying or hurting, and it's important to be supportive and caring towards her. However, it's also important to remember that your friend's decisions and emotions are ultimately her own responsibility.

If your friend does push her boyfriend away or encourages him to leave, it's important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. Your friend may be struggling with her own fears and insecurities, and it's important to listen to her and offer support without judgment or criticism.

It's also important to remember that finding a great partner is not the only measure of success or happiness in life. Your friend may find fulfillment and happiness in other areas of her life, even if her relationship doesn't work out.

Ultimately, it's up to your friend to make her own decisions about her relationship and her life. As a friend, you can offer support and guidance, but it's important to respect her autonomy and agency in making her own choices.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah. Believe me. I don’t get what goes through some peoples heads. I really don’t.

But look. It’s normal to see something not working out. Sometimes I been surprised and people made it longer then I expected.

More often thennnjt. I can see it

[Anonymous]

Having pcos doesn’t mean you can’t have kids. That’s bullshit. So either she’s not seen fertility doctors, her doctor should have their license revoked or the cause of her infertility is something else. Pcos is one of the causes of difficulty to conceive that’s treatable. Some women with pcos get pregnant naturally but for those not ovulating you can use ovulation inducing medication (a pill for 5 days at the start of the cycle or injectibles) or IVF and then you have good chances of conceiving. I have pcos and have conceived both naturally and through IVF. I have 3 kids. If you’re going to a doctor who says you can’t have kids because you have pcos they don’t know what they’re talking about and you need to find a new doctor.

[Asker]

She did take something to help her ovulate but I guess it didn’t work. Also, she has scarring. She’s completely infertile.

[Anonymous]

I'm aunt can't have kids somethingto do with after being raped as a child. Guy after guy left her. At first they didn't want kids but after a few years realised they did one time a week before their wedding. She actually met a widower with 2 young kids, she's 35 and he's 65 but it works.

[Twalli]

If he's wanting a vasectomy, he doesn't see his future with kids. I got one because I don't see mine that way. It also allows me to date girls of any age I find attractive because they don't lose value past 30, since kids aren't something I am looking for anyway.

[Asker]

He already has kids from a previous marriage.

[Asker]

But, they wanted to start a family of their own.

[Twalli]

You don't need kids to have a family.

[Asker]

Oh, I agree. But, in this case, she wants kids. And telling that to a woman who wants kids isn’t the smartest idea.

[Twalli]

True, but it seems like she may not be able to have kids. He's pretty much stating that he's fine without having them if he gets to stay with her.

[Asker]

Unfortunately, she won’t. She even was trying to get a hysterectomy but her specialist said she couldn’t or she’ll end up having diabetes. And I don’t think anyone wants that. Her boyfriend is truly wanting to make their relationship work.

[Twalli]

Honestly she seems unwilling. I didn't go into my relationship expecting success. Most relationships fail, but I didn't intend for it to fail. The fact that it is successful and will probably result in marriage is luck (because it is my first relationship). So I think I people shouldn't expect a break up, but should be aware that it will probably happen.

[Asker]

I honestly hope one day she won’t think that way anymore. Throughout her past relationships she hasn’t been treated right. I would hate to see her push away a good guy. Infertility is a really sensitive subject for women and I totally understand that. But, what are the odds she’ll find a good man like that again? Especially, if his own kids love her.

[Asker]

There are options like adoption and surrogacy but not many couples want that. Which is understandable. But, her boyfriend is so willing to work on this relationship no matter what. And I would hate to see his kids hurt if they ever do split up. Also, what are the odds that he’ll find someone who’ll accept kids like she does?

[Asker]

His ex is a good mom and her and my bff get along so well. They even hangout. How often does that happen? Not very. In fact, that’s really rare.

[Mansearching]

As just answering the question, no its not normal.

[LovrUFFAllls]

To expect? no.

[Asker]

I was really sadden to hear that. Like, I get women who are infertile feel less like a woman, but it isn’t their fault. I’m so glad she found someone she’s happy with, but to hear her say she’s ready for her boyfriend to leave, tore my heartstrings.

[Asker]

And for her to tell her boyfriend that straight up. I mean, how would your react if your girlfriend said that?

[Asker]

*you