Like almost every conversation where we might disagree on something she goes I don’t know if I want this in my future or maybe we are not compatible
Maybe it isn’t meant to be. Tell her next time. Then just break up. It seems toxic. If there is a problem with what you’re doing and you’re in the wrong then stop doing that.
depends on what she’s wanting to break up over. Every petty little thing.
No. I don’t personally think someone who really wants to be in a relationship would keep saying they will break up. Point blank.
Sometimes people aren’t meant to be. But it’s kind of immature. Tell her. Then break up then. You keep saying you are. Then do it.
She is sabotaging the relationship, because it's not comfortable for her. Like many abuse victims, she's actually used to and comfortable with being abused and being with an abusive person - that's her "normal" - and so when she's in a healthy relationship, that's uncomfortable and weird for her, and scary, so she's sabotaging the relationship so she doesn't have to be vulnerable.
The problem is: if she's not getting help for her trauma, then she's going to destroy this relationship eventually, and it doesn't sound like she's interested in getting help. As such, the only good option you have is to get away from her. I know it sucks, but you can't have a healthy relationship with someone who isn't healthy and isn't willing to get the help they need to become healthy.
Maybe she doesn’t have time for drama. I don’t either and if my future boyfriend and I disagree about something huge, I truly wouldn’t see a future there. Your girlfriend is trying obviously because you two aren’t broken up but when my ex and I would discover differences I would truly tell him we aren’t compatible and I broke up with him because of that. It wasn’t to control him or manipulate him, I was truly serious and I was done trying. Your girlfriend is trying.
She was ready to break yup because I forgot her lip balm when I went to the store I mean she absolutely flipped out. It’s almost if I can’t be human and accidentally forget things
I’m sorry but your girlfriend is a stupid biotch and YOU should dump HER. Lip balm like seriously? I truly hope there’s more to her issue with you than freaking lip balm🙄
But she was ready to breakup because I forgot her lip balm at the store
No it was that serious she shut down and wouldn’t talks at all
Over lip balm? Omg. Sorry but I think your girlfriend has personal issues she needs to resolve (maybe on her own).
Sorry dude
And thanks !
I mean it depends how often you’re disagreeing and WHAT you’re disagreeing about. If it’s minor things, that’s one thing and then she’s being wishywashy or trying to be controlling.
If it’s more serious things, maybe you aren’t compatible
I respect you for not remarrying and always being faithful. God bless your beautiful soul.
These are minor things and I don’t do that
You don’t do what?
@MaxRobespierre thanks
So she threatened to breakup after I forgot to get her lip balm at the store and is saying I’m always disappointing her
Yeah that’s over the top. Maybe you should rethink if you want to live that way
Opinion
33Opinion
Sounds like the Smell of Her Freedom. xxoo
She’s pretty controlling, right.
Am I just doing something wrong
Like if I see her getting ready to do something that could lead to issues I try to help her and she considers it giving her a lecture
Duh lol I think
I guess she is trying to set boundaries in some way and literally saying what she doesn't want in her future and indirectly what she expects from you... well someday she is probably going to see you for who you're and realize you aren't the person she made up in her head and finally really leave
Her mom constantly tells her it’s not right you abuse him and he is a great man and it pains her when the thought of breaking up is talked about because her mom tells her you probably won’t find another great guy like him
Yeah she should leave or you should break up if you don't want this anymore
So here’s the thing she has had childhood trauma and she’s been through previous abusive relationships and I can see that there’s mental health issues but she won’t acknowledge them. When she has angry outbursts she says I’m gaslighting her, but I can’t give up because I know what’s the root cause of all this
And now? Who hasn't childhood trauma? She should work on them, definitely but that's her own problem
I only see, from this little and no knowledge of you two etc, that she is trying to stay and do the right thing, especially since her mom is pressing her the whole time how good you are but one day she will probably gain the inner strength to realize what she wants and I don't think it's going to be you
Tried talking to her? Explaining how you feel if she threatens you that way?
Tried to set boundaries for your own?
Cause the thing is the guy she came from called her horrible names and sexually abused her which also messed her up because still to this day he has the power of her to not call him a rapist. When she told me I was like I’m sorry you went through that and he’s a fucking rapist who belongs in prison because he would manipulate her Into sexual acts or guilt trip her into it.
Is it possible that this was so normalized in her brain that when she dates a normal regular guy like myself who is respectful and treats women with respect that it’s a shock to her brain because I feel like some of this factors in
Look, yeah it's bad, but it's not reason enough to excuse shitty behavior.
And yes, like if a girl grows up with an abusive father, that's what she learns love to be like but again it does not excuse anything. It's of course horrible but she has to work through that. She alone. Not you coming and trying to safe her or something.
Not trying to save her because when she threatens to breakup I force her to acknowledge what she won’t acknowledge. I like look what you are running from is gonna continue to haunt you and sabotage each relationship you are in. You can fully blame me and say I trigger you all you want but when you run into the same issues in your next relationship will you blame him as well. This is my tough love conversation with her to try to shake her to reality
Goosh, if I were her, I would have left your ass already. You sound just like her mom! You and her mom are also emotionally abusive
There is literally no good in all of you. I hope she gets away and starts working on herself
How am I the bad person for not accepting blame for the actions of another guy. I haven’t done anything wrong to her why should I subject my mental health to the anguish of feeling like I have done something wrong when I’m innocent. We have addressed her what about the fact that my family sees me more sadder depressed, because I get called random horrible names such as a stupid motherfucker, you won’t find another girl. Also keep in my mind I’m on the autism spectrum as well
Cause you're blaming her and guilt tripping her, just like her mom
She will. Ur telling one side lol
It’s possible
Ur delusional
U r a bipolar guy rite
@Sexymodelnoidiots no I’m not
She's either using it to try and control you, or she's realizing that the relationship isn't what she thought it would be and is considering ending it but can't make up her mind to do it. It's most likely the second option because if she was trying to control you she would probably just straight up threaten to leave. Either way if this is happening often then the relationship is basically already over.
So one day she can plan a date the next she’s ready to break up
It means she’s using how you feel about her. It’s called “emotional blackmail”, and it’s shady af. People who say or infer the equivalent of “If you really love me, then you will do what I want you to.”
It’s a way of controlling someone else using their feelings as a tool for your personal advantage. People who love others don’t use them like that, they want what is best for the person they love.
It's a power thing and she doesn't like conflict and doesn't know how to resolve differences. Maybe she's passive or avoidant in her style/training. It could be core value differences, but sounds like it is most anything.
Most people just want to hear "yes", so that is a solution.
Its a big problem, but it's a cornerstone if you both learn how to get past it.
I think she is telling you how she truly feels. Maybe you guys aren’t compatible hence there’s not much of a future. A lot of times couples hold on but the relationship actually ended a long time ago which leads to toxic situations. I’ve been there too. You guys need to have a conversation and see if you really see a life together. If the conversation doesn’t go anywhere and one or both of you aren’t really feeling it you should break up. It’s not fair to either of you.
Well if you are disagreeing that often, perhaps you two are not compatible? Either that or she might be the type to use that threat as a means of control.
I never faced threats of breakup all that often. I did have a girlfriend who was annoyed that I was chewing gum loudly and she said that most women would break up with a guy for that. I was like... "What?"... She immediately apologized though. LOL
I used to do this. I did it because it was true, we weren’t compatible but I didn’t want to be alone and go through the process of meeting new men and starting over with someone else. Shit’s exhausting. Needless to say, I don’t do that anymore. I get less attached when I date so it’s easier to walk away when someone isn’t compatible with me.
time to move on, it will never get better.
Next time she says that tell her you know, you are right, life is too short for this and get up and leave.
Some people just need that kind of drama in their life, I do not.
Life is too short, go find someone that acts like an adult.
It means she wants to manipulate you; if she has to go "nuclear" on every small disagreement, that is a red flag. Stand strong and call her on it. If she threatens you, go with the flow, or ignore the threat and act as if it is not a big deal.
Just something to note: the one who cares the least about the relationship is the one in control.
if you’re so desperate NOT to breakup with her it seems like she’s using that to her advantage to manipulate you.
do you want to be her puppy? Next time she pulls that crap tell her “you know what? I think you’re right.” And hang up. See just how important you are to her really.
Sounds like she's trying to use the threat if breaking up to control you or she's just looking for an excuse to break up. Tell her it's over, leave her. It sounds like she is not happy and is done with you. You might as well break up with her now before she starts fooling around with other dudes behind your back.
Sounds like they trying to have power in the relationship. She threatens to breakup to make you do what she says. And unless you say "fuk it" and call her bluff, she can use this as much as she needs.
I'd guess she feels powerless and uses it to bully you into submission.
It's not clear if she's not committed to you or whether she is but she's just using it as a convenient weapon.
I guess you'd have to call her out on it to find out.
She broke up with you a while ago and now she's just getting the most out of the control she has over you until she can find something better which might be never because so guy wants to have a controlling bitch.
The next time she says that, you tell her you are thinking the same thing and maybe you need to take a step back.
Watch her reaction, then decide what to do next.
So, if she knows you don't want her to leave you, she will do it every time to scare you and get her way! If, she doesn't know how you feel about the relationship ending, then: she is saying what her heart truly feels. She uses the arguments to say what's on her mind. Pay close attention to her actions.
Sometimes you feel like you want to break up, but then make up, time after time.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/VIL-3Ny3vvE
I've been in that possible before and he ended up being my blocked ex boyfriend. That means you should get away from such an unrealiable, toxic person
It’s time you break up with her. She is like this. Either her or no way. You’ve to give up yourself in trying to be with her. This is not good for you. Not a healthy relationship she will hurt you
Is it bad mental health
Yes and I strongly think she is not doing it on purpose to hurt you. She sounds not happy in relationship, So she is preparing to be with or without you.
Sounds as though she is an emotional manipulator, next time she uses the 'break up' threat take it at face value and withdraw, go 'radio silent' don't phone or text and closely watch her response, one of the strongest move you have is silence, or if she is arguing with you is to not engage in her argument and walk away. That will drive her nuts!
Eh that’s petty and won’t work if she’s actually a manipulator, cause a lot of times they come back and then just do it again. I had an ex like that. If he can’t talk to her normally and set a boundary where she doesn’t behave like that then I think they should just break up. Silent treatment is childish he shouldn’t go to her level if she is actually a manipulator. Also if she’s had trauma in the past SHE needs to work on herself he is not responsible for that. His best bet would be something like “til you heal let’s stay friends. I’ll be there for you at times if you need support or someone to talk to but I don’t think a relationship is a good idea for you at this time.” That way he keeps her at a bit of an arms length in her healing process. I’ve been through trauma too honestly sometimes while your trying to heal it’s important to have good support systems if he would be comfortable to be a part of that. Of course though he would need to decide if that’s comfortable for him too cause his mental health is also important and is hard if you still have feelings for the person. It’s a tricky situation but I feel trying to have a conversation and setting boundaries to start would be good. Communication between both people on how they are feeling is the answer in most cases.
She definitely has the fearful avoidant attachment style.
How so
That’s when you say then go… fuck this childish bullshit. Never say something your not prepared to follow through with.
It means it’s your time to call it off from a toxic ass relationship. My boyfriend used to do this and eventually he did it. I suggest you to dump her before you getting dumped which will leave you 10x times more devastated.
My boyfriend used to say* this.
On your update: no someone who really likes you would never threaten you this way! I wish you the best no matter what. 💫
It means she will never be in a good relationship and you need to break up with her.
Leave her then, you dont want this nonsense now and certainly not in the future
that she is a grade A manipulator and that makes her emotionally abusive.
It means you're not her first choice... Which is not good if you ask me...
It means it's time for you to brush up your pick up game as you're going to be using it soon.
What she's doing is abusive. Thr correct response is to tell her where the door is.
It means you dump her and find a lady who is less drama.
It means that she is very manipulative.
You honestly need to leave her, she clearly isn't ready for an adult relationship.
She is not really into you if she keeps threatening that sorry to say.
As per your update
No they wouldn't.
Her mom constantly tells her it’s not right you abuse him and he is a great man and it pains her when the thought of breaking up is talked about because her mom tells her you probably won’t find another great guy like him
I've been in your shoes before... exact scenario...
So here’s the thing she has had childhood trauma and she’s been through previous abusive relationships and I can see that there’s mental health issues but she won’t acknowledge them. When she has angry outbursts she says I’m gaslighting her, but I can’t give up because I know what’s the root cause of all this
She needs counciling
Give her a little experience, make a break.
Well if it happens more than once, you need to do it for her.
she is toxic and manipulating you
Am I just doing something wrong
no, i think that it's her, she is controlling and trying to keep you down. Don't do that, my boyfriend threatened to kill himself if we broke-up and i was guilt tripped into dating him, and i wasn't happy
Like sometimes I don’t feel I will ever be perfect enough that I’m chasing an impossible goal
no, if you were in a good loving relationship you shouldn't feel like that
But she calls everything toxic so what’s really toxic
thats weird? She is being the toxic one
It means you should break up with her tbh.
But why
It means you're a bitch.
It means you should find a new girlfriend.
It means that she is a hoe.
she's had enough of your BS.
It means that you should break up with her
That she's manipulative.
It means you need a wake up call
It means you're being manipulated
s toxic
What makes it toxic she claims other things are toxic, like her previous relationship
That you should breakup with her ASAP
Leave
She’s me
She's manipulative.
She wants marriage
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