Why do men chase you until they get you, and then leave?

[Anonymous]

So this is a genuine question. I’ve only ever been in one relationship, and we split 4/5 years ago. I thought I loved him, until I met this new guy soon after. We started off as friends but there was this intense connection/ chemistry between us. It made me question if I ever even loved my ex. Just over a year ago we began sleeping together, we were best friends on top of this little side sexual thing we had going on. He was the best person, so nice, so polite, so gentle, so loving. Eventually the past few months I guess I have been going on at him more, asking to see him more, wanting to spend more time with him. He stayed around but avoided or changed the subject when I asked. He said he wasn’t ready for a full relationship but it already seemed pretty relationship like to me. Eventually I felt him pull away a little, he stopped texting every morning like he has for years, so I got angry and I double texted and rang over the span of a week. Eventually he phoned me and shouted like he’s never shouted before, he told me I wasn’t his girlfriend, and I’m an emotional wreck. It hurt so much, I didn’t think he could be so cruel. I told him I loved him and he put the phone down on me. I’ve never felt pain like it. I blocked him afterwards and thought it was best to leave him too it, but this recovery hurts more than the end of a 12 year relationship. He was my best friend, my go too, and he switched with no warning. I feel used and not good enough, I feel like I’ve been played and laughed at. I can’t eat or sleep, I can’t even imagine a life without him but I have too. Why do men treat woman this way. I have only ever been nice to him, fair enough it wasn’t set in stone, but I always spoke of feelings and love, and if he didn’t feel that way the decent thing would have been to of walked away. I always felt like he loved me, he just wasn’t ready to say it, I always felt like I was waiting for him to want me, I feel so stupid and so hurt.

[ManOnFire]

Things becoming sexual too soon was the issue. When a woman sleeps with a guy early on, most dudes get bored and then ditch. Whatever you had with him did not start off on a serious enough foot. You obviously started feeling more for him and he didn't.

However, you were still pushing it by constantly double texting and then calling, like you were basically demanding an answer from him. It looks stalker-ish and obsessive for you to have done that, but I understand why you did, it just wasn't the right approach. And even though he shouted at you on the phone and said some awful things, that was still a lot better than what most women do to a guy when they're ready to ditch, which is ghost him completely, leave him on Read when he tries to text - or don't read his texts at all, block him everywhere, block his number, with no explanation. This leaves most men reeling with hurt, confusion, and anxiety, which women don't care about him feeling. So in some sense think of it as a blessing that he at least communicated by shouting at you, even if it was extreme. At least you know what's what now.

You're in a horribly painful place at the moment and I know it's excruciating for you to get through, but just take it one day at a time, and realize that he ended up being someone you wouldn't want a relationship with anyway. Imagine what pain there could be later on down the road if you really did tie the knot.

[Colon_Colonizer]

You fell for the ol' chase and release, didn't ya? Men are like dogs, baby, always chasing after that juicy bone, but once they get a taste, they're off to the next hunt. You see, the thrill of the chase is what gets those dudes going. They spot a fine lady like yourself and they just gotta have ya, they gotta catch that bone and mark their territory. But once they do, the novelty wears off, and that bone ain't so juicy no more. So they leave, in search of a new bone to chase, a new thrill to keep 'em going. It's a vicious cycle, like a never-ending carousel of horny dogs and juicy bones. But hey, don't you worry, you're not alone in this dog-eat-dog world. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and some of 'em are bound to stick around for more than just a quick taste. You just gotta find yourself a man who's not just after the thrill of the chase, but one who's in it for the long bone, I mean, haul. Keep your chin up, baby, and remember, you're a catch, even if those dogs don't know a good bone when they see one. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go rub one out to the thought of a pack of horny dogs chasing after a bone-shaped sex toy. Woof!

[sage2021]

Hey, this guy participated in your relationship for years!
He didn't say no to sex. Of course not. You were his ace in the hole.

Truthfully, I think he sounds pretty messed up in the head.

He might even be married or has commitment phobia. They are men who can't love.

He can say anything he wants to but a relationship is a two way street. And not all his way. Screw that.
He sounds very immature and truthfully, if you had kids with this guy, because he is so immature I would be afraid to leave his alone with the kids if you two had kids.

This guy has been hiding in the bushes too love and actually has worn out his welcome with you.

He sounds very boring too. Way to serious, yet in an immature way. He doesn't know what he wants with you after years of being with you.

And as far as you seemingly stalking you - No! He brought the worst out in you and you responded with a normal response to a guy that came unhinged. He doesn't have his act together and you should care less you aren't his girlfriend. He's not such a big catch. He just think he is.
Some guys are like that. They just take 3 steps backwards and disappear.

[PeachyPie93]

It hurts when a friend or someone you trusted hurts you like this. I feel so bad for you because I know how painful that can be. But just realize he is the one with the problem not you. That is why with men you really have to listen to what they tell you and take it as fact. If they say I am not ready for a relationship, they mean they are not ready for one with you. Do not hear that and think he means I'm not ready for a relationship right now because more often than not they just don't want to date you at all. They want to either continue sleeping with you or if they haven't yet, they want to leave the possibility open. Men are almost never brutally honest with women unless they are not sexually attracted to them which is the annoying thing. It's funny because I had friends that we got along great they were always nice, we joked around a lot but when they realized I was never gonna fuck them they started being mean and would call me dumb and other things for no reason. You really have to be careful with men because if they can play you they will.

[Malwi93]

yessir

[DishLady]

Real men don't do that. Childish guys, jerks and players to that... and often try to make it seem like it was your fault to boot. Ridiculous.

[TommyMountainFigure]

"I guess I have been going on at him more," & "I have only ever been nice to him"

A bit conflicting that!

Leaving that aside for a moment, I have been pulled up on something I tell people often. That is, you can never tell how good a relationship is until after your first big argument. That is when their true metal is shown. Two people very much in love will still fight because it is human nature to argue sometimes, BUT and this the key.. Do you hold back slightly or do you go for the jugular.. THAT is how you tell if it is true love or just not meant to be!

I'm very sorry you had to find out the way you did, but and this is only a guess, looking back at those two lines of text you wrote up top, is it possible he changed because you did?

[Altheavas]

I’m sorry you’ve been through this. That would hurt. He sure didn’t want a relationship with you like he said.
Unless a men act desperate, and wanted to marry or snatch a woman, but they usually don’t waste time with their intentions when they know what/who they want.
I can’t speak for everyone, it sounds selfish, it’s okay to be selfish, unless you have a ring in your fingers ladies consider yourself single. I do not mean not having or respect an exclusive relationship. Don’t get attached. Even with a ring, stay secure, and prepared cause they changed their mind fast too!

[BetaBucks]

I think he just didn't see you as LTR material, and you never made it clear that this was your expectation from the beginning. He was obviously happy with just friendship. Obviously he appreciated the sex too. Just that he didn't see a future with you. Only he would know why. We can make a bunch of guesses here, if that's what you really want.

[Anonymous]

He just wanted sex. Sounds like someone men just want to have fun w, nothing serious. For some reason I think there’s more to this. That you’ve only been in one relationship. Never married. No kids I take it. Raised some red flags. Maybe that’s what this dude seen in you so he just went for the sex, nothing more.

[Asker]

Well I didn’t state my life story. Yes one relationship, and I do have children from that relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. He knew about your kid? If so chances are he doesn’t want to be w someone who has a kid. Regardless he doesn’t sound interested in a relationship.

[Asker]

He told me he couldn’t take on anyone else child. I dunno, that wasn’t the issue though they have a dad he didn’t have to be anything other than a friend to them.

[Opinion Owner]

You say he didn’t have to be anything else to him but a friend, but that isn’t true. A man has to be more than that even if she’s saying she doesn’t expect him to. Example. If someone broke into your house while your son was there as well as your boyfriend, would you expect your man to protect not only you but your song as well? I’m sure the answer is yes. So you’re expecting him to put his life on the line for your son. If he showed up w food for just the two of you, would you be ok w that? Chances are the answer is no.

[Asker]

That’s true, but he has children also that I was willing to care for and welcome into my life. I guess ultimately he didn’t like me enough to move forward with things. I feel pretty shir about it, but he’s clearly not as nice a person as I once thought so I’m feel less like I’ve lost something and more like I’ve gained a new sense of perception. I won’t beg, and I’ve left without giving further explanation. I just plan on healing and bettering myself, so one day when I bump into him he will think she looks good! And I can blank him like he didn’t exist:)

[Opinion Owner]

Well first of all I don’t think you need to get back at him. That’s childish. I don’t get why women do that. They want to get in shape or whatever to look better just so they can make a man regret it. Not necessary, just move on. As for him having children too. I honestly think single men are different from single women. Most times it’s cause the girl has the child so she’s got a lot of things going on. Not that men don’t want their children, the law just favors women more when it comes to who should have the child. Two, most men who have their child don’t want child support from the mother. We’d rather do it all alone, because it’s just one last thing we have to deal w as far as dealing w her. Women on the other hand almost always go after a man for child support. Even than she’s still nagging him about things. Men don’t tend to do things like that cause again one less thing in having to deal with her. There is a difference.

[Asker]

Absolutely nothing wrong in taking care of yourself and moving forward. He was nothing special anyway and I shouldn’t have even gave him the time of day. His exs weren’t all that either, I’m not 10/10 but I was definitely the one who downgraded. Knowing your worth isn’t getting back at someone, it’s positive and productive thinking. I’d rather more forward with this mentality than sat at home over eating, crying, drinking and letting myself go. No thanks he doesn’t get to do that to me.

[Sugar100]

My question is if men leave after sex or after the chase, why many girls r married and the men don’t leave her after sex then able go have babies together? I don’t understand this.

Or some are in relationship for many years and they don’t leave girl after sex or after the chase and still together?

[tzdc21]

I'll tell you why. Because the women that are married were willing and able to provide enough value to the guy's life outside of sex for him to consider keeping her around. See many women don't really know and unfortunately don't care to learn what it is that men desire for a relationship, and why would they? The options all come to you, all you have to do is exist and you get approached. So there's no problem getting a man for a woman, but keeping him is a whole different story.

Now some guys are just into hookup culture and don't want to commit. And some guys want a relationship, but they get bad vibes from the girl after they have sex (unfortunate reality, but I have to admit that it's true) and leave afterwards, and some guys just won't bother with her at all. So that is another factor in all of this.

But the main factor is that the women who are willing to put forth the effort out of the gate to at least try to learn what the man likes, what he lacks in his life, and adjusts herself to the situation so that she can be an indispensable piece for his life, those are the women he's gonna commit to. But the ones that don't, well...

[Sugar100]

@tzdc21 so what for example are some things that men lack in lives?

[BetaBucks]

@Sugar100 I can give a few examples, but it's highly dependent on the individual. Nearly all guys lack admiration and lovingness. which is why the most common service escorts provide is the "GFE" thing where she just treats the guy with love and respect. Most guys lack nurture, so things lack cooking and acts of service are highly valued. Some guys lack the sense of adventure and achievement, so having a fun girl, who seems like a great catch (mostly about being attractive) is a big addition to their lives. Some guys lack companionship. Especially the introverts, or just unpopular type. They don't have many or any friends, and just want someone to do things with. Hobbies, videogames, travel, whatever.

There are definitely more, but these are the ones I see the most. And they are by no means applicable to every guy.

[Sugar100]

@BetaBucks i do all of that and no guy see me as the one 😓 I’m an introvert too I want companionship badly 😓

[tzdc21]

That depends on the man. And it's not just what he lacks. It's what he enjoys as well. Acclimate yourself into what he likes to do as well so he'll look forward to doing something with you. Here are some examples: If his place is always messy, clean it without being asked. If he likes playing video games, try to play some with him to share a hobby. If he has a business and he struggles with the emails and appointments, schedule them for him. You gotta analyze the guy you're dealing with and then run with what you have to work with.

[tzdc21]

But let me tell you, the fact that you're asking this question already puts you light years ahead of many women because a lot of them will never even bother trying to learn so at least you're learning and more important WILLING to learn.

[tzdc21]

Not all women, but am alarming amount

[Sugar100]

@tzdc21 this new guy travels each month for job. What can I do?

[Sugar100]

Last time we met I gifted him food. Maybe he was hungry but I had leftover food I didn’t want waste & he took it happily.

[BetaBucks]

@Sugar100 I'm sorry you're stuck in that position. The only other thing I can suggest is maybe you're aiming for guys that are too attractive. Like, you can go down a point or two and see if that works out.

Besides that, there's some self reflection that can be done. Anything from poor hygiene, to abusive personality, to bad history, to the appearance of mental instability, can really turn away guys. If you have some trusted male friends, they'll probably give you an honest answer.

[Sugar100]

@BetaBucks I don’t go for hot guys. I already went dow few points,, this new guy is average nerdy not that attractive.

[Sugar100]

Even ugly guys only want sex and no girlfriend.

[BetaBucks]

@Sugar100 then I would do what I said about the self reflection. There are countless men looking for love, so the question is what about yourself is leading men to avoid you. I know it's easier to blame men, but it's the same thing I tell men that are struggling in the same way. At some point you just gotta look in the mirror. Literally, then figuratively.

[tzdc21]

I'll just tell you right now, all guys do not only want sex from women. Some yes, but many actually don't. Have you actually asked this guy what he wants and what he likes as well? And are you actually comfortable with a guy that leaves every month? If you're not, then it's quite clear what you have to do.

[Anonymous]

It hurts more than the end of a 12 year relationship? Did you have a 12 year relationship with an ex or something? Cause I know what it feels like to end an almost 13 year relationship and I feel like I’m dying.


I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you two but it’s better you know now than later. He’s not serious about you and seems like he was just using you.

[Opinion Owner]

I posted an answer to the wrong question my badddd

[Opinion Owner]

Nvm it was the right answer

[Account]

The moment before achieving victory, during it and maybe a few moments or hours feel good afterwards. I imagine the same goes with people. I am sorry for being so cynical but that is just the way it usually is.

[Asker]

Is there no compassion for the others feelings and emotions. How can we go from speaking everyday for 8 years to silence.

[Account]

No there is none. It really sucks but people can pretend for decades till they get you. I am sorry, but this world fucking sucks the only form of compassion you can get is from family and friends and only if you are lucky enough and they happened to be good people. From a significant other, you have to be looking a needle in a hay and I truly mean that.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he liked you as a friend, liked the sex when it was offered, but didn't want the added expense and responsibility of an official relationship.
If you'd have left it as it was, maybe he'd have been as nice as he had been.
But you didn't. And he didn't.

[Anonymous]

It would be interesting to hear his side. For fairness. Men need to be lured to be happy. If they feel pressure it's the opposite effect. Then you amped up the heat at the end and it severed the line.

[Asker]

His take would most likely be… we was only ever friends, I told her I didn’t want a relationship, I thought we was on the same page, I thought she understood it was just friendship and sex, I never made her any promises, she got too serious, she drained the fun and started talking of depressing feelings and emotions, I just wanted to have a good time and she came with negetive energy.

When my response would be, we have been extremely close friends for years, I told him I loved him before we ever even kissed, he told me he fell in love with him best friend, he told me maybe in the future we could be something, he made all the first moves, he got me pregnant and he wanted me to keep it, he texted me every morning, he rang me everyday, he purposed me, he knew I wasn’t someone who just had casual sex, he knew I viewed sex as bonding, he knew exactly how I felt, he encouraged it, he was everything I wanted to get what he wanted, he knew I would fall in love, and when I did he ran in the opposite direction.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Some guys like the chase even more than they like actually having sex. It's pretty fucked up. Like a weird disease.

[HalalCabello]

Switching like that he seems like asshole. I've had a similar experience & it was painful I haven't dated since.

I don't know that's just depressing to me how they can act like that...

[handsomelad70]

I'm a man, so I can say that most men love the pursuit of a woman;then after they snare (sorry, ladies;don't mean to make you seem like prey!!!) her, they sometimes lose interest.

[Ms_Facesitter]

"Just over a year ago we began sleeping together" Here it is. He wanted the sex, nothing else.

[noohair]

Men used to have to make a commitment to a woman for sex. It was usually courtship and marriage. Women wanted freedom and equality. This is what freedom and equality looks like.

[Tomisworthless]

Women like to play hard to get unless the guy is 8 or 9. Men should never chase, the women that like you will come and if none like you then your calling in life isn't to reproduce

[Julian7312]

They meet you but then they can't handle opening up emotionally, making themselves vulnerable. A lot of guys have trouble with that

[Asker]

I dunno, he really did. We was purely friends with slight flirtations for the first 4 years, he opened up about everything and anything, we told each other stuff we have never told anyone. I had never felt as close and secure to anyone, then just over a year ago we began sleeping together, it made us closer physically but I felt he put a wall up emotionally. As soon as sex began I wasn’t allowed to talk about feelings or emotions like we did before, he would change the subject or just shut me down mid conversation. He knows how to open up emotionally he just didn’t seem to want to give me himself physically and emotionally and I was only allowed one or the other. He has said in conversation if I have both it’s a relationship and he doesn’t want a relationship. I’ve left anyway and he doesn’t care.

[Julian7312]

In think you did the right thing. Kudos 🙂

[Jamie05rhs]

What do girls never listen when we explain this to them?

It's about sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Period!

[LiamJHayden]

I don't chase. I cold approach. Wide net, lots of throws, not laser pointer and weeks invested.

[jahaims]

Anyone chasing is immature and is seeking validation not a relationship

[Asker]

I told him I loved him long before we slept together, so me getting attached was always going to be a thing he was aware of. I thought we was going somewhere, and I thought with what was happening meant something, but clearly it wasn’t mutual. It just hurts to think I was so wrong, and I’m I love with someone I didn’t even know.

[Jay-_-]

See that's the definition of dudes that like the chase. Men don't do this, SOME MEN that you've come in contact with do this.

[stratford]

It's not just guys, girls love the thrill of the chase too.

[TheWombRaider]

It's like when you lose something and you're looking for it once you find it you don't keep looking for it. You already found it.

[Crazzyyworld]

Because he was rejected by someone so he has to return the favour to someone else

[Anonymous]

Why do women have a certain experience with one guy and then assume they're all like him?

[Anonymous]

Last I checked, most men don't chase any more, mostly because most women aren't worth it any more

[Daniela1982]

It's the thrill of the hunt.

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆