How do I break up with a suicidal man?

Question

So my boyfriend is suicidal and a long time ago I started losing feelings I am scared to break up with him because I feel like if I do he could kill himself. But here's the thing I've lost feeling a long while ago I would have broke up a while ago but his suicidal feeling is stopping me I also have a crush on someone else because he has been treating me right and he knows I like him and he likes me too but I had to say no since I am still with my boyfriend and I'm no cheater no matter what. So y'all what should I do? And am I a D*ck for wanting to break up even tho I'm not happy. I don't understand what to do right now because I am terrified that if I break up he kills himself and I don't care who you are I don't want you to feel yourself if I like you or not and that's the ONLY thing keeping me with him.

Realistic07 · Accepted Answer

So I want you to understand one thing I think you already know. You are in an abusive relationship. He is holding you hostage by holding his own life hostage.

I want you to understand some facts. It is not your problem what he does with his own life. It is not your fault that he does himself; because of his own mental disorders. You do not need to feel shame or guilt or even bad for leaving.

He should be ashamed for having put you in a position like he has put you in fearful of leaving an extremely negative and abusive situation situation bu manipulating the reality that you are a human being with a human kindness. Basically he’s using your kindness against you.

It’s OK to be kind. It’s not OK to be taken advantage of, or to let anyone take advantage of you. Not only is it bad for you, but you are perpetuating his own insanity onto himself by enabling him to treat you in this manner. This makes his delusion even worse to such a degree that he doesn’t have the ability to rationalize what he’s done to you or himself for that matter.

Now we get down to the nuts and bolts of the issue. How do you get out? Well, first of all If you live with him, and you have time to actually mitigate Issues then have a get out plan, and I mean that in the most realistic way. Have a place that you’re going to live away from him, Save money, get your own therapy because it’s really important when dealing with abuse, if you need transportation get that before anything.

Now let’s say you’re not going anywhere you either don’t live with him or you do live with him, but you’re set there and you’re not going to leave. Then there is a possibility you mean, what can you do immediately, and yes, I am also going to give you the immediate answers. If you don’t want to deal with it even right now simply call 911.

You see the cops deal with suicide all the time, and it’s not your responsibility to be a therapist that he does not want to go to either way. That said as a constable human being it is your responsibility to seek assistance for that person. Calling the police is a great first step. If you feel unsafe calling the police is a great first step. If somebody is abusing you by continually threatening to commit suicide, calling the police is a great solution.

Now I understand you may not want to, you come up with 1 million reasons not to “what if he actually does being one of them”.
To which I say “it is not your damn problem!!!”.
Stop making his problems your problem because by doing so you’re making his problems worse and your problems worse.

You want to actually put it into it put an end to it in the format that is available which is 911. You are not helping this injured animal, he is injured because he chose to stab himself metaphorically, and he wants to stab himself literally, or jump off of something, and or do something stupid. It’s not your damn problem. Say it with me “it’s not my damn problem” do it again. Hey, I know you’re not actually doing it. You really really need to do it.

If you don’t understand that you are not a hostage and currently you have every bit of freedom to leave then there is a problem. You have been traumatized by someone and that’s not cool. Which is why you definitely need that therapy. PTSD is a pain in the butt and you should not get into another relationship until you deal with that. That is a different conversation and neither here nor the conversation right now is about you getting out.

If he decides to do something himself, that is his problem, And his fault. Shame on him for using your feelings to try and make you feel like less he is a Manipulative jerk, and needs mental assistance that you are not able to provide; because you are not a professional therapist. Every state in America provides therapy to those of high-risk, And if he is high risk, the police are going to be able to handle it.

If he’s not that high risk, you should just handle you and leave. It’s not your problem. Call the police as you’re leaving. Say the guy I was with threatened to kill himself if I left so I’m leaving and I just wanted to make y’all informed of that because this is not cool. Do you know how they will respond? It will be insane the response time is pretty on it.

So it’s OK to feel bad about somebody who wants to make you feel bad about them because they’re too pathetic to deal with their own life. That said they are just feelings and not reality. The reality is somebody is using a manipulating you to convince themselves that you belong to them like they own you. The sad part is that you’re letting them do it because they know how you fear and what you fear and they are willing to use it against you.

It amazes me that there are so many movies about people using others insecurities against them yet we still live in the society where it gets done to people all the time. There are even Animated films with characters like the bogeyman from Jack Frost.

Worst case scenario, he really does follow through with it, but Guess what that’s not your problem. That’s the sick action of a sick person with sick thoughts who needs Proper mental help and hasn’t gotten any in a really long time.

I hope this helps you and really it’s just three numbers there feel free and hit them. It’s OK it’s not your problem What people do to themselves just like it’s not your problem. If somebody jumps off a building you didn’t tell them to jump off a building. You didn’t want them to jump off a building, but they were planning on doing it. It’s not your fault the children are dying. It’s not your fault that somebody went spelunking in a cave and they never came back. It’s not your fault that the economy is bad.

It will be your fault. If you continue to let people manipulate you knowing that there is a way out. So before you make all your excuses about how you want to save the sky divers from themselves, And how you want to be very humane to people think about what being humane really is. If a dog has a problem, you take them to a vet if a human has an illness mental or otherwise you take them to a doctor of some format.

If you can’t take the person to the doctor, then you bring the doctor to the person or you force the person to go to a doctor. Force can be difficult sometimes, but in this specific scenario, the force you can apply is nice and gently on the 911 Prompt, your smart phone, and or regular phone.

Say it one more time with me “ It’s not my damn problem!!!”. Now that you understand Please just live your life, if you want to leave leave, if you want to stay stay, if you want to Move move, but just do what you want to do.

Remember words are just words, and actions that are not your own are not your responsibility; Because you’re not his mother, father, sister, brother, or his Therapist. You’re just the person letting yourself be trapped by someone who’s just really good at manipulating you.

Remember, just as people can manipulate sadness they can also manipulate kindness. He’s just good at manipulating both.
I do hope this truth helps you in Moving forward.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Well here's the thing the moment you break up with him he's going to start manipulating you into believing that's what he's going to do and if he says it out loud to you you need to call the police and have them come pick him up and put him someplace safe are you tell him that's what you're going to do if you say one word about suicide and promise in that yeah I'm not taking any more of your crap this is what's happening you're not charging me anymore I need to get on with my life you have brought me down to your level and I'm not going through it no more if that's what you want to do do it but I will try one last time and I will call the police and they will come pick you up and they will put you into a mental home because that's what they will do and you have to be strong enough to do that if you was a good friend if he was a real boyfriend to you at one time that's loving him by doing that so you have to do one last good thing for him and then walk away hold your head up high if he wants to get better maybe somewhere down the road after he can prove everything to himself first and then you maybe fifth or sixth seventh down the road but do not put up with that crap no more you need to get out of that situation cuz this bringing you down and you don't need to do that you have a life to live and you your destiny is to be happy not putting up with that kind of crap because a lot of different ways he's playing you because he knows that you're going to walk away eventually who cares don't listen to him call the police let the police deal with it you did your part

JSkye · Accepted Answer

I went through a very similar scenario a few months ago. The guilt on me was crippling.

The thing is, you cannot be responsible for other people's emotions or actions. Thing is, if you are really uninvested with him, it's just hurting him that you are staying with him. You have to break it off and hope that helps finds someone that makes him happy.

When I went through this, it took me about half a year to break things off. I have never looked back. I can't look back, because I can't know what happened after I left. It's an overall horrible scenario, but you can't let someone else hold you down and control you like that.

Unap0logetic_ · Accepted Answer

I think it’s manipulation. I would get his parents and or some other adult involved with it.. I dated a guy like this when I was around your age and he ruined my life.. It’s not worth it girl, if you no longer want to be apart of someone’s life, then don’t. Put yourself first, ALWAYS.

Finchie40 · Answer

Try to get him help by telling his parents’ he is suicidal , then be honest with him and tell him you no longer want to be with him anymore that his depression and suicidal thoughts are a turn off to you and end it with him , if he doesn’t take no for an answer , then tell him you met someone else and that it’s over between you 2 . If he tries to threaten you or harm you in anyway , call the cops on his ass

Makeushiver · Answer

A letter might be the proper way to go about this. Its not something that is your responsibility and he could well be using this as a way to control your behavior. You might want to suggest the possibility of continuing to speak occasionally as long as he understands there is no emotional commitment- though he might choose to say okay thinking he can talk you back into it. If you do write to him, apologize and re-assure him that you feel badly for any hurt feelings. Make it clear however that you are moving and will be dating people.

nawtee_me · Answer

If he hurts himself that is on him and not on you. First thing is does he show signs of hurting himself? Does he have a plan? Most people that claim they will kill themself are just looking for attention. They don’t have a plan because they don’t really want to go through with it. They just want the attention and want things their way.
Saying that he would drive out to the lake knowing he can not swim and would try to make it to the middle is a plan to drown himself. Just saying I feel like killing myself isn’t a plan to do anything but get attention.

BadApple69 · Answer

You are not responsible for him or his mental health. You can’t stay with him forever because he is sick… that would only make you suicidal also.
It horrible to say but you need to nicely say goodbye and then don’t look back. If he is truly suicidal then he can do it for any reason or no reason at all. I know it’s hard to separate yourself but he is his own person and the choices he makes are his own.
Good luck!

Friendlybro79 · Answer

You have to ask your parents for help. If he's your age, both being minors, this is a hard thing to deal with, for anyone, adults including. Get your parents involved and his parents. He might need help. If suicide is being used as a threat you need to get adults involved. Please do so and good luck.

RHK36 · Answer

You're already cheating on him mentally with new guy. New guy is a walking red flag for trying with you knowing you aren't single. Ditch your lame fake suicidal boyfriend and the new walking red flag who's so thirsty to smash that he's waiting for you to cave to him. Staying with your current boyfriend will make him more suicidal the longer you drag out the broken relationship. Find someone better to date then those two sorry clowns. If you keep dating losers then you are the problem.

Juxtapose · Answer

People are 100% responsible for their own actions. He is trying to manipulate you and hold you hostage.

You should break up with him straight up and make sure to record his suicidal rant. Send that to the police and consider your work done.

Anonymous · Answer

As someone who is depressed, they're going to do it, no matter what. they're looking for any excuse to do it. whether it be you breaking up with him. or someone fucking up his McDonalds order tomorrow. Just threaten to call the police on him and he'll stop, it always worked for me. best of luck

OtterMan68 · Answer

His problems are NOT your problems. The best you can do is ask him to seek help.

If he says he'll kill himself if you break up with him, then he would rather you stay with him out of guilt than love. What does that say about him? It's childish and selfish.

What he does after you break up is 100% on him.

4ngelic · Answer

he probs wouldn't kill himself over that. but if you're scared about it, after you break up tell someone about his suicidal thoughts. you really shouldn't stay with someone if you're unhappy and dont love them anymore

Caroline91 · Answer

Go to your school psychologist and ask for help.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Sounds like you are playing all the cards right, breaking up with him is what should be done if you have no feelings for him just try to make it as less stingy as possible

Anonymous · Answer

(The serious answer is get an adult to help you right away.)

How Do I Break up with a Suicidal Man sounds like it could be a song to the tune of Nobody Gets Too Much Heaven No More or How Can You Mend A Broken Heart and I did not realize until this very moment they were both Bee Gees songs.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/2sN05AMV9gY

slatyb · Answer

You can't be hostage to his threats of self-harm. Break up with him. What he does is not your responsibility.

DextroShade · Answer

Threatening to kill yourself to keep a woman with you is literally the most pathetic thing a man can do. Leave this loser, if he dies that's not on you.

Agape93 · Answer

Just leave. You aren't responsible for. his actions, and 9/10 it's just a manipulation tactic to keep you scared and with him.

lightbulb27 · Answer

At 15, I suggest you go talk to guidance counselor, parent, or therapist for guidance.

Anonymous · Answer

Just break up with him. If you are concerned that he is suicidal, call the authorities & inform his parents. His being suicidal (which has nothing to do with you) is not your responsibility. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Just remind yourself that if he kills himself over the break up, it'll be on him; not you.  This is a classic emotional blackmail tactic.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Your 15!! You don't need this and it's NOT on you. Save yourself and what he does is not on you. At all.

Anonymous · Answer

"I also have a crush on someone else" "I'm no cheater" that's very believable indeed

noohair · Answer

You are not responsible for what he does. But since you know about his threats to kill himself, I might suggest you get your or his parents involved. Good Luck.

Anonymous · Answer

Get your parents to take care of it for you.

Dongie · Answer

Get out before you want to follow him down. You have to consider your own mental health.

Staximus · Answer

Is this guy an adult and is his family aware of this situation?

Bigantdog69 · Answer

Hopefully he will kill himself before you have to.. unless you've driven him to have suicidal tendencies.. you need to ride it out with him

Ironco · Answer

Speak to his parents or his close friends, get him help

Pterodon · Answer

Just leave. You’re not responsible for another’s actions

exitseven · Answer

get this guy into therapy and then say goodluck

jahaims · Answer

Tell his parents so he can get help

OddBeMe · Answer

Fuck. 15 yr old suicidal? Parents?

Daphne96 · Answer

Tell he’s loves ones he’s parent etc.

Consent · Answer

he sounds like @verified

katiesmuff · Answer

Quickly!

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Be bold , quit him , no fear

How do I break up with a suicidal man?

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