My girlfriend cheated on me with another guy while drunk and wants me to get back with her?

Question

I have been dating my girlfriend for 8 months until we broke up about 3 weeks ago (another reason by her which i found out was a cover up for what she did) and our relationship has been fine until about 4 months ago, when she became friends with this one guy, which i didn’t like. I told her on multiple occasions that his intentions weren’t good and that i heard from his friends that he wanted to hit on her. I of course told her this and she didn’t believe it, and told me that she knows how he acts and how he would never do such a thing. She also said that if i trust her and love her that i wouldn’t get worked up with this because she wouldn’t ever do anything as she is not interested in him. She kept hanging out with him multiple hours a day even when i told her not to. Fast forward to to a couple days ago, when we were already broken up, i was told by a friend of the guy that she cheated on me with that she cheated on me while i wasn’t in the country for the summer vacation, and while she was still dating me. After i confronted her she got defensive and didn’t admit at first, but when shown a picture of the hickeys that she gave to the guy, she admitted. She said that she broke up with me because she felt guilty but couldn’t tell me the truth. So we were together for about a month after she cheated. She has been nagging me for the past days saying how she didn’t remember what happened as she drank too much, and that she has no interest in him and that she would do anything and stop seeing anyone if i gave her a second chance. She told me that she would prove me wrong and that she would change and she would never do such a thing again. I still love her and i don’t know if i should get back with her or give her some time to fix herself.

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

Look, I’m not averse to second chances. I don’t believe “once a cheater, always a cheater”, that’s silly. People make mistakes and are fully capable of redemption and correction.

That said…. this situation is pretty sketchy to me. Like you read it the whole way, expressed concerns, and she burned you anyway. And it was done pretty deceptively as well, she waited til you were away to hookup with him…. that’s pretty foul.

And if y’all are 18-24…. I don’t know that you necessarily meet your future spouse in that time period. You COULD, but I feel like we’re all kind of flying around at that age, plus all kinds of impermanent life variables are in play…. basically, I’m not inclined to hang onto any relationship for dear life at that age.

I don’t know, man, after all the indignance on her end at your objections and lack of trust in her, just to turn around and do exactly what you feared? Thats kind of tough to overcome for me. I can maybe buy a drunken mistake, but this has a feel of premeditation to it. She didn’t even admit it to you until you presented her with visual evidence. I appreciate that she was guilt-ridden, but she wasn’t honest about the breakup reasons either.

You also have to think what life with her AFTER this will be. She’ll be in kiss-ass mode the next six months, for sure. But will you trust her when the guilt starts to wear off and she thinks she’s back to normal? Would she do it again? On one hand, maybe she learned her lesson. That’s entirely possible. On the other hand, maybe it’ll happen again. Or if it doesn’t, can you believe it yourself? Even if she doesn’t, will it still haunt your thoughts that she MIGHT?

It’s all up to you, man, I don’t know you or her, what you guys are about. But eight months isn’t really that long of a relationship. I’ve been with my lady 17 years, 8 months is the blink of an eye to us. So I wouldn’t let that influence the decision too much. The “New Car Smell” hasn’t worn off of someone yet, so I even respectfully question if you truly, TRULY loved each other at that point. Like would you stay together if one of you was in a serious car accident and was left quadriplegic, and the other was left to be a full-time caretaker, and there’s no sex, there’s no normal life or normal relationship, their body withers and they don’t look like the attractive person you once knew? THAT’S TRUE LOVE. If you wouldn’t do that, or she wouldn’t…. you ain’t really in love. So think hard about that albeit unlikely scenario, because that can tell you about your real feelings. Don’t marry anyone you wouldn’t do that for and don’t think they’d do for you. Like New Edition sang back in the day, 🎶Sunny days, everybody loves them…. but can you stand the rain?🎶

With all that said…we may have an answer on her end already, if she can’t clear the pretty simple bar of remaining faithful when she commits in a relationship.

Best of luck, man. Love can get you through some real tough times, so consider that…. but also consider the depth of the love in question.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Move on. She should have proven to you in the beginning that she would never do a damn thing w another man. If his friend didn’t tell you would she have? Probably not. You’ll never live this down. Especially if you two get in an argument chances are you will always use this against her. Men look at cheating in a different way than women. Women usually want to know he loves the girl he cheated w. In most cases the answer is no. Men want to know things that certain to sex. Did you sick his dick? Did you swallow? Was his dick bigger than mine? Did you let him do things to you I’ve never done? Etc? She’s tainted my friend. Yes sad to look at it that way but a lot of men look at it that way. That visual will always be engrained in your head to wonder what they did. The other thing is if she’s blaming it on alcohol that means she has an alcohol problem if she can’t control how much she drinks. Which means she needs to stop drinking. Have some respect for yourself. Move on. You will never regain the trust you had w her. It’ll always weigh on you. Especially if she doesn’t respond or text you back right away you’re going to wonder if she’s a someone else doing something. She obviously had no respect for your feelings in regards to how you felt about her hanging out w this dude. Lack of respect. Lack of consideration of your feelings on her part.

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

Think of it this way; the future mother of your children became so roaring drunk that she had sex with another guy that she had been hanging out after you'd cautioned her about him... If she was so drunk that she had a blackout and he raped her, then she should report him to the authorities. Right?

I sympathize with how you must be feeling. I'm sure she's hot and makes you feel like a king just often enough that you would miss her for a bit. But this has red flags all over it. The bad part is that she is so irresponsible that she could become pregnant and claim you are the father. Even if the paternity test proves otherwise, you'd likely feel guilty and some kind of obligation because she was your short-term girlfriend once.

As an objective bystander from the Internet, I urge you to hold your position. She really, really isn't worth it. Find someone - anyone - else, even if it's just a brief rebound fling. You need a distraction and you need to completely get her out of your life. No second chances; she already had a chance to do the right thing and blew it multiple times by continuing to pursue this guy.

Listen. You have time. Work on building your career and financial stability. Write down a few things you want in a woman, and date a few different women to learn what you like and don't like. Make a game plan for your life, and go for gold. Take this experience as a learning curve, not as a failure.

I wish you the best, man. Not all women are idiots... :D

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

A hickey might be evidence he had sex but it is not evidence he had sex with her. There are literally 4,000,000,000 people that could have caused the hickey if the hickey is real and not painted on with make up colours. It’s obvious to me you have a brain injury and nobody believes your lies about me.

Summeroflove · Answer

FUCK NO….. once someone cheats they will do it again and never expect that by the time you caught them it was their first time because there are probably incidents you don’t know about.

Tell her you don’t care she chose to do what she did, if she wouldn’t have been that drunk maybe she would have made better choices and don’t want anything to do with her anymore. Tell her to stop bothering you or you’ll block her and if she keeps it up you’ll take legal action.

If she comes back saying she’s pregnant or something get a DNA test done to see if it’s even your kid. Never get with her again there are better women. I don’t care what excuses she throws at you if she genuinely took accountability it wouldn’t be excuses. She made a choice to get drunk and do what she did. So she can fuck off

Finchie40 · Answer

Dump her and move on man , never take a cheater back onto your life , she will more than likely cheat on you again or you will end up cheating on her , so it’s best just to end it and move on

melnc · Answer

Giving a whore another chance is not a good idea.

Anonymous · Answer

Says you are 18-24. Your girlfriend was monkey branching looking for a guy she thought was better than you either he wasn't or he wouldn't accept her because she a cheater, that doesn't matter but what does is that you can't trust her in the long term. You could go another 10 year get married and have kids and she decides to cheat and move on with another guy and you'd have no idea how long she was cheating or how many guys she cheated with in the ten years.

I was in a similar situation in college with my ex fiancée. She cheated and wanted to get back together but I knew it was over in long term because she couldn't be trusted. I remember the feeling when I found out she'd been cheating, my blood ran cold and I felt physically sick. I continued on with her for a year until I was ready to move on, basically for sex. She had great big tits. Cold of me but f*ck her, I owed her nothing.

morganherrel · Answer

make sure you work together with her to solve the underlying problems: respecting your boundaries, telling the truth, etc.
give her a chance to agree on those things with you and then dump her if she fails
guys don't have many options in the current dating market, so be grateful for what you have unless you are ok with being single

lightbulb27 · Answer

This is not a responsible nor sensible person.

Alcohol will create weakness, but it's her responsibility to honor what you said to not be around him, and certainly not drink. The only exception I'd see is if he drugged her.

move on, she will be someone elses headaches.

Nirmroth · Answer

Trust is something special you only hand out once. She broke it and you will never be able to build the same trust again with her. Just imagine what happens if you ever travel without her again and she goes drinking etc, you would always be worried that she cheats again.

Dont be a doormatt and have some pride. Next weeks or months will hurt but you will get over it and find someone as much if not more loveable who doesn't cheat on you.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

You'd be insane to take her back.

Even if she genuinely made a mistake (she didn't. She just didn't think she'd lose control of the situation), having someone that naive around is a liability.

You can't afford to have someone around who jeopardizes your interests like that.

JesseP1nk · Answer

Fuck that. Why people think if they get drunk then that excuses their shitty behaviour? You honesly think she is gonna respect you after you take her back with this shitty behaviour. She lied to your face! Forget about her.

ManInChains · Answer

Do you want her to do it again? Than take her back. If you don’t want her to do it again, don’t take her back. It’s simple. Honestly, I don’t care what you do. She’s not my problem. If she were, she’d already be gone

Billlewis · Answer

I'd accept her back with open arms, and when this happened to me, within hours, I was literally begging her to keep seeing him. Obviously, I'm a little different than most guys in this regard, but in any case, I'd take her back.

Bricealan · Answer

Well, mine did that twice, and I caught her in the act once, in her apartment, and broke off with her, and in retrospect, regretted it. That said, we were not in what is called a 'committed relationship'

Whitewulf · Answer

Kick her worthless lying ass to the curb step on her neck on the way out and never look back. She is only heartache to you. Guaranteed she’s cheated on you before him.

Account · Answer

"I still love her" Love yourself and have some dignity.  For fuck's sake people...

LiamJHayden · Answer

Too many decent women out there to volunteer for that drama.

DextroShade · Answer

Bro, she's for the streets. Just use her for sex if you can while you look for someone else.

Anonymous · Answer

I've been in your situation, If she's done it once she'll do it again, cut your losses, you have little invested move on.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

Do you love yourself and respect yourself? If the answer is yes, you drop her.

Anonymous · Answer

Dang! If she did that to his neck IMAGINE what she did to his dick!

Anonymous · Answer

Make her wear her hair in pig tails. And fill her throat making her eyes water and she throws up loads of spit but you keep doing it. She’s gonna be sorry then

Staximus · Answer

Only a retard would get back together with this woman

msc545 · Answer

Get RID of this toxic woman before she wrecks your life.

noohair · Answer

Almost everyone deserves one chance. Is she almost everyone for you?

Avicenna · Answer

No way

JoeRob67 · Answer

Let her go she will do it again

strateguy632 · Answer

Dump her!

Dongie · Answer

Nope

Anonymous · Answer

Don't do it

My girlfriend cheated on me with another guy while drunk and wants me to get back with her?

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