Why am I haunted by a reoccuring spectral (being ghosted by boyfriend)? ?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a dude for 3 years now and whenever he gets mad at me he likes to ghost me. He'll ghost me for several days and then pop back up. I have told him how this affects me and he does it more knowing that it bothers me and I don't understand why he does it. He gives me bogus narcissistic answers and it's getting to the point where I have thought about going out on other dates. If I don't hear from him for a week I don't feel like we are together. I haven't went out with anyone and I feel bad for thinking about it. When he pops back up he acts like he did nothing wrong and he lectures me about how I should be if I want him to love me. He gets mad if I go out and dont tell him about it but when I do tell him he assumes I am doing something and tells me I am a liar and calls me names. It doesn't matter who I go with or where I go. I have been out maybe three times in the last year. He also gets mad when I go to therapy or just for walks. He says he doesn't want to break up. He won't get serious and I am hurting from his actions. I won't bother him when he starts the ghosting but it seems like whenever I have gotten over the first hard lump and start to move on he pops back up. I don't want to deal with this but I do love him. I can't seem to just not let him back in. I feel stupid and I know I look stupid but I seriously do not know how to make him not take up space in my head. What I do? Why does he do this? I doubt it but will he ever change? How do I get the real answers and how do I make him either stop or get real and how do I enforce the boundaries?

[melnc]

His behavior is manipulative and disrespectful. He ghosts you to keep control, and when he comes back, he avoids accountability and blames you. This pattern won’t change unless he decides to change, which doesn’t seem likely. You deserve a relationship built on trust and respect, not emotional chaos.


Next time he shows up, don’t engage. Be firm about what you want for him and if he refuses, consider walking away. Your worth isn’t tied to him, choose yourself.

[Abbycado]

That is a type of behavior that is unlikely to change if he does it a lot. You either learn to live with it or move on.

He might try to change, but my money is him going back to old ways in the heat of the moment.

[Nikki1989]

He won't change at this point. It is time to move on.

[In_Trance]

Stop...