How to deal with husband that always flips things to evade lies and manipulates me in order to stay with me?

[Mel111]

I found an inappropriate message from my husband in his archived Facebook messages. When I confronted him, he denied it and acted defensively, claiming that he would never try to contact her since he knows her through his ex's family. He even suggested that I might have sent the messages and threatened to tell my family that I'm trying to spew a false narrative about him because I am possibly cheating on him. Knowing fully well that that's false and I would never do such a thing, but he knows he can control me by threatening to tell lies to my family. The messages said “I want to f*** you,” and "are you home?". He has done this many times before and has cheated many times, I just don't know what to do anymore since I feel trapped.

I've told him I'm open to a peaceful breakup and don't want anything from him. There's no point in staying together if he continues cheating. I don't want my family to know that he cheats either, so I prefer not to tell anyone even if we do separate.

[Blunky]

Stop dealing with him until you serve him the divorce papers. If he's already treating you like this, what possible outcome do you see being good besides getting away from him? He's only going to get worse at this point because you keep staying with him after all the crap he's done. Best way to deal with manipulators is to take action against them rather than listening to their fake words. Loss of control over a person is what makes them quiver.

[Mel111]

Thank you, I agree. I am guilty of letting him step all over me and do whatever he wants. I am just scared I guess. We've been married for about 6 years, he's actually been getting drunk more often, coming home late, and I think it's a sign that I have to take action. He's actually upset with me and just left after our fight, he left with my car. Things will not ever get better.

[Blunky]

Yikes. It's totally understandable to be scared of ending something you've worked hard on as well as suffered immensely through. No one in their right mind plans for a divorce but enough is enough. He's going downhill and trying to drag you with him. Don't let him ruin the rest of your life because he wants to ruin his.

[Mel111]

You are so right about this, it will only get worse. I really appreciate your kind words and thorough advice, thanks. 🙏

[Blunky]

You got this. Stay strong. 👊

[Mel111]

Thanks for that. Made me smile. 🙌

[OneViewpoint]

C'mon, you know the answer to this question. You don't need other people's opinions. Tell him you're through.

[Mel111]

I have already told him. He threatens to spread false lies about me.

[OneViewpoint]

So the alternative is to let him intimidate you? How does that ever get better for you after he learns that it works. Call his bluff.

[Mel111]

You're right. That's probably why he feels so comfortable doing it over and over again because he thinks he has control over the situation and I will never say anything.

[Avicenna]

Force the issue and file for divorce

[Mel111]

What do you mean by force the issue?

[jahaims]

If he is too immature to communicate why did you marry him?

[Mel111]

I didn’t marry him because he was manipulative, I also never knew he was a cheater. Was good at communication. Was good at love bombing too. I can’t predict the future though, no one can. I’m sure if you met him one day you might say he is a great person, everyone thinks he is because they don’t know his true side. I probably saw everything that everyone that doesn’t know him sees.

[fish5505_87]

Seems like you know the path, follow it!

[Mel111]

Thank you for the reassurance.🙏

[fish5505_87]

God Bless, good luck!

[MannMitAntworten]

Sounds like hell you are living with him. Divorce.

[Anonymous]

File for divorce