My girlfriend emotionally cheated on me. Now she's mad at me for making her feel guilty?

[Anonymous]

Basically she told me she is more into her best friend than she is with me. She never physically cheated with him while I have been in the picture, but she has emotionally cheated by being closer to him than with me, telling him stuff and not telling me, etc. Now she is mad at me because I made her feel guilty when she thinks she did nothing wrong, since she says that she "can't control who she is attracted to and can't control her feelings". I think she should feel guilty and has no right to be mad at me, the victim here. What do you think?

[pinknonsense]

Make Her Understand That This Is Not Only Inappropriate, But A Serious Problem: Again, your biggest initial hurdle is going to be to make her admit or understand that this is a problem. Because, at least initially, she will downplay this and act as though you are seriously paranoid or overreacting. Sure, they're just friends and perhaps but that doesn't make this right and doesn't mean that it hurts you any less.

So, you want to be as calm as you can when you bring this up, but bring it up you must. To fix this issue, you must identify it and to lay your cards on the table. You don't have to be ugly about this, but you must make her understand that this is hurtful, it is inappropriate, and it must stop. At a time when you are both calm, tell her that you're hurt and upset by the emotional closeness that you are witnessing between him and her. Ask that she not interrupt you, but to just listen. Tell her that you need to and want to be the one with whom she shares her troubles, thoughts, and feelings. Ask her how she would feel if you were getting a similar pay off or connection from a female coworker or friend. (If you have a similar relationship, you also must end it.) Stress that this hurts and troubles you every bit as much as a physical relationship and that you would like for her to respect your feelings, as you would do the same for her. Have this conversation only if your willing to save your relationship. You must NOT allow to play the victim or turn the table on you. You must resist and put your foot down. IF she has such a strong connection with him maybe, as much as it hurts, allow her to walk away from the relationship. Tell her that as much as in pains you you will let her be. Trust me the grass always looks greener on the other side. But it usually isn't.

[Asker]

I gave her a second chance, I told her how I felt about it. I said that she needs to be willing to open up to me about things and rely less on her friend. She now told me she has to "think about things" so it's up to her whether or not we end it. If she decides she still wants to be with me then we will start over but it will take a lot for me to gain back her trust. I won't give her another chance.

[pinknonsense]

why is it up to her? She ruined the relationship in the 1st place and now she has the luxury of taking the time to think about things? Self respect my dude! Give her the deuces and get the steppin! Who the hell does she think she is. No wonder she does this you let her. Don't give into her immature ways! let her see what she's missing out on by being a Man and telling that tard to get lost and not to waste your time! She obviiously doesn't care if she sitll has to think about it!

[Unwantedmother]

Okay well I don't think that she has the right to say she isn't guilty. She may not have physically cheated or had sex with him in any way. But I think that if someone is dating one person but attracted to someone else they should break it off with the person they are dating. By not leaving them, they are basically saying they don't care how they make the other person in the relationship feel like poo. But that is just what I think.

[Anonymous]

I think she's controlling and manipulative. In a healthy relationship, you should talk about anything and everythng without the other person feeling mad about it. She's jus turning tables at you. I believe you should re-think about the whole relationship.

[dtaijo174]

omg... Your girlfriend is wreaking of self entitlement and immaturity. She is basically telling you she has no control over herself, and will do whatever she feels like regardless of who it hurts. I think you need to critically think about this relationship and where it is going. This type of behavior is going to continue. Do you think you could live with a partner who doesn't value your feelings? Because that is what she is offering!

[indelible]

You're in the right. You were just stating facts and how YOU felt to her. If that made her feel guilty then that's her problem. Sorry if I awakened your conscience!

You are the victim. If she's saying what you said she is then I'd think about a new relationship with someone else as she's obviously into another guy more than you.

[wanacot]

You know why she didn't physically cheat? Because the opportunity didn't present itself.

I'm not sure why you're even in a relationship with this girl anymore?

I know why she's still with you... she knows she can walk all over you and still twist things around to make her seem like the victim. She has no respect for you and it's only a matter of time before she leaves you.

Stop being her punching bag and realize there are other girls out there.

[Cantremember]

One word "bye".

So if I can't contol the urge to rob a bank I shouldn't feel guilty when I do it?