Should I move back in with him?

[Anonymous]

Me and him has been in a rough patch recently, whereas he said some unforgivable things to me during an argument which consisted of me moving back into my rental property that I own (thank god it is a Airbnb). I left because I am five months pregnant and I’m not going to repeat what he said but for the safety of my unborn child I felt it wasn’t appropriate to stay around him. Well for the past two months we have been split he’s willing to work things out and fix a lot of things from our previous relationship. Which I’ve tried to explain to him that you cannot just take back what you said just because you said it in the heat of the moment. He’s been saying that he wants to work things out, because we were both wrong (somehow?) have me move back in and that he’s been buying stuff for our unborn child. Which I’ve laid it out that our child will not be around him without me being present and his family is not allowed around our child at all. Because of what he said I have lost all trust in him and I’ve lost all respect for his family and trust in them also because since we’ve been split they have said some very disrespect things not only towards me but my unborn child. I feel like if I gave in it would be putting my child at risk with not only the father but his family also. Mind you for context, our relationship was great until we had that argument and he said something’s that truly and honestly made me worry about the wellbeing of my child so I knew I had to get my child out of there even if he hasn’t been born yet. My parents are wanting me to give him a second chance and try to make things work, (they are very traditional) but in my heart I feel like if I did give him a chance I would be putting me and my child at risk. Any opinions and outside thoughts were greatly be appreciated for me to understand if I am overthinking it or I should still hold my ground.

[HollyK21]

If your parents idea of traditionalism is staying in a dangerous situation just for the sake of not being a single parent then I’m not sure you want that backwards, 1950s way of living. Women had no choice but to stay in those relationships back then because it was literally impossible for them to survive on their own. Try paying rent, caring for children and taking care of basic necessities with the few dollars you’d make off being a receptionist or some other lowly job. We aren’t in those days anymore and we shouldn’t romanticize a man’s foot on a woman’s neck.


You know better, you know that this man could potentially be dangerous and your safety should always take priority over love or over what others like your parents think. It takes real time for people to make changes, not months. You would most likely be dealing with the same thing if you took him back and what you don’t need is the additional stress while you’re this far along. So in my opinion you should stand your ground and don’t even consider giving him a chance until you’re actually seeing the work he’s doing to change. If it’s anger management or therapy, he must commit to that. Whatever he needs to do assure he does it, otherwise you’re better off with out him.

[frissyfrish]

I'm trying to imagine what he could have said that you find completely unforgiveable. Words are just words after all, and in the heat of the moment we've all said things we later regret during arguments: we'll say things we don't truly mean.

Now, if there was violence between you two, it'd be a different story. I'd tell you to get out immediately. But this isn't the case in your relationship based on what you wrote.

It really boils down to how much you love him. He is the father of your unborn child, right?

For me personally, words alone said in the heat of the moment is something I could almost certainly forgive my boyfriend for if he apologizes and owns up to his mistake.

[Anonymous]

lol he should move on. He may have been wrong in some things but you’re no better from what we’re reading. Now you’re going to use his child, if it even his child, against him. Hold him hostage.