Should I move in with my boyfriend?

Question

I am 23 and he’s 24. We been talking everyday for 1 year but we just started getting in a relationship last month.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

I cannot really and honestly give any good advice. Because honestly, I do not know you, I do not know the man and I do not know you situation and circumstances. But this is what I do know, some people move into together, and they live happy ever after. And then some do, and they don't. So, all I can do is share some of cautionary tales with you from personal experience... but full disclosure... for the ones that did and lived happy ever after, I would have zero personal experienced with them because they lived happy ever after and never were put back into the dating pool.

I have date a lot of women... like 17 different women in three years of active dating. Thats a lot for me, some might do better, and other do far worse. But I have met a lot of women who were coming off of a traumatic break up with a boyfriend they lived with. And when you run into one these types it's a HUGE Red flag from the start.

When the move in, they get trapped into some type of toxic situation or relationship, because to break up would mean you would have to change your living situation. That is very stressful to deal with on top of the toxic living environment and person. So they stay in the situation longer than they should and when its time to go, they usually end up moving back in with mom and dad, or a freind or family member. Why because they want out and they wanted out fast, and now they are living with mom and dad trying to put their lives back together.

The only ones worst off as far as dating goes, are the single moms with children, that went through a traumatic divorce and on top of everything else they have children that were affected it and they are not only dealing with their own personal trauma, but they have kids that are struggling with the processing everything on an emotional level. Women in these situations usually suffer greatly in the dating world and that is why they check emotionally on date all together. Until they try to date again and figure out, they have all this unprocessed emotional baggage, and it all comes back to them at once and they panic.

For me I always tell the woman I date, I will not even talk about moving in or living together until we have at least dated for 12 consecutive months. Then if we do move in together, it should be under the premise that we are considering marriage... but I will not consider marriage until we have lived together for 12 consecutive months.

So those are the rules I live by. Honestly, I totally recommend that you live together before marriage. I am firm believer in that... but only you know when and if now is the right time for that.

I will say this, when I got married, I was in the military, I was 20 years old. I got order to move to Germany, and I really liked my girlfriend. So, we got married and we moved to Germany together. Now we had been dating for 12 months at that point, but we never had lived together before or with anyone else other than family. If we had, we never would have gotten married. Like never... but since we moved all the way to Germany, we kind of were forced to stay together, and then she got pregnant and that was just another reason to stay together. She had nowhere to go, and I could not leave because I was in the military, living in government housing.

Now we were married for 24 years, and it was not all bad, and there were lots of good times together... but it was never a good marriage and it only got worst over time.

So, like I said, I would never marry anyone without living with them first, and honestly, I would not even consider until after 12 months of truly committed relationship together.

For the ones that did it and lived happy ever after together, I have no personal experience with it. I have dated woman or tried to that did, and the relationship never got off the ground. And honestly, some of the stories were truly emotionally traumatic.

So, I am not sharing yes or no, just sharing with you, my experiences.

Losalt · Accepted Answer

*If* you have some kind of backup solution available (parents, friends or something) then yes, move in.
If you two are alone in the city wait.
Also, don't propose or accept any proposals, nor get kids till you've lived together for 2 years at least.
Only then will you know if that might work.
Also, *if* you two are to move in together make sure that there's two bedrooms, even if you plan on sleeping together, that way you can get some space to yourself when you need it.
Or he can.
Different sizes on the rooms is perfectly fine.
It's there to provide a alternative and some space, not to be a main location for either of you to spend time.

Does all of that make sense to you?
At any rate that's my advice.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

Ultimately only you can make that call…

But maybe start by spending a week at his place, a week at your place for a bit to test the waters… spending time with someone isn’t quite the same as living with someone 24/7…

A_Bell · Accepted Answer

It's an exciting thing to think about with the electricity of a new relationship, but that's rather quick. How about staying over frequently for a couple of months first at least?

NewYorkCity · Answer

Unless he marries you, you shouldn't move in. Before having sex, you need to get to know him, WELL. If he doesn't want to marry you, what will happen if he accidentally busts a nut in you? You should think about those things, before committing to sex or moving in together.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Although you two have been talking every day for a year you stated you just started getting into a relationship last month. Talking to someone every day is different from being a an actual relationship with them so with that said don’t move in with him just yet. Try sleeping over more & take things from there.

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

Too soon. You don’t need to give up your place until you see how committed he is to you. Even though you have known him for a year.

I will leave you with this quote:

“You never really know someone until you have lived with them.”

sheikalana · Answer

Still too soon to move in together. You guys are still on the honeymoon phase and everything still seems perfect. I suggest waiting at least one year before you guys make that decision and I only suggest moving in together if you both have the intention of getting married.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

no. you're only a month into dating. chill and connect more.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

Moving in pre-marriage is a crapshoot. It usually leads to taking the other for granted, and to the critical communication disappearing.

molonski2 · Answer

No need to rush in and live together , just take your time and enjoy the relationship , its far too soon , you are still young.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

OK, why do you want to move in with him? What specifically about your day to day life do you see getting better?

Simslover92 · Answer

I don't think that's enough time. You've only been officially together for a month. I say give it a few more months.

Alex-Snow · Answer

You won't know till you try. Agree on stuff like finances and who cleans and cooks ahead of time. How is your sex life together? Will it change at all?

spartan55 · Answer

I strongly recommend you do not move in together at this point.

Billlewis · Answer

Are you both working? If you've got enough money coming in, then perhaps you should try it.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s a little too soon. Your relationship is still in the development stage. It would be devastating to move in now only to find out later that you aren’t really compatible.

Wonderingguyy · Answer

You’ve know him for a year, so you’re probably very comfortable with him already. I’d say go for it if that’s what you want

DarkWinterNights · Answer

No, give it more time. I wouldn’t move in with anyone before the 6 month period… though 1 year is probably a safer bet.

Unit1 · Answer

This is your call. I do not recommend listening to strangers on the internet, who have absolutely no insight of your relationship dynamics.

Anonymous · Answer

Only started the relationship LAST MONTH? That means you’ve only been together a month. Too soon. Too early. Not good 🚩

boobliker · Answer

do you love each other? have you had a test run and did it work out OK.  enjoy you life together

adidas0169 · Answer

Your the only one that can and should decide that. its no one's business or should have a imput besides your boyfriend and that's it.

Grond21 · Answer

If things go well, would you want to get married someday?

Anonymous · Answer

Yea this isn't something you ask strangers to. We dont know your boyfriend and we dont know what your relationships like.

Staximus · Answer

It's only been a month, wait another year and then think about it

LiamJHayden · Answer

Too soon. Talking with is different than constantly being around someone.

shades777 · Answer

it will work if you pay your half of the expenses, nobody likes a leech

Guido · Answer

It's too early in the relationship to move in together.

SPIRIT208 · Answer

If that’s what you wish to do, then yes

Violeta_54 · Answer

Yeah there will be a lot of sex too 😘

Sparkie460 · Answer

I think it's too soon but it's not my choice

Iron_Man · Answer

Whenever you’re ready for it

Wise4myage · Answer

I say wait a bit longer and then decide.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

That is a wait it out situation.

Anonymous · Answer

Wtf is a problem here?

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

No harm in waiting

jimmy2 · Answer

Be so careful. message mei tell you why

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

One word…… No

Should I move in with my boyfriend?

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