Do you guys ever feel guilty or regret being a jerk (especially at the end) to an ex?

[Anonymous]

I was nothing but fun and cute and adored him. He is dating someone else now, yet still led me on. In the end he was a jerk. Do guys ever feel any sense of remorse in doing that? Any guilt? Or are you desensitized and are just jerks if you don't get what you want? He led me on, I fell in love and he left me high and dry without a word, I need closure!

[afrohombre1]

I believe you are right, timing is everything. Just because she was there for him doesn't mean they are right for each other. If he wants to be with her right now, try to remain friends if he wants too. You never know what the future holds. I'm gonna tell you this, I was with my ex girlfriend for a few years and I met a latina at work and asked her out. We went out and grew emotional attached to each other and I thought wanted to be with her instead of my girl. After a long while I realized that she wasn't for me and begged me ex to stay with me. I really thought the latina was for me and I was ready to be with her aNd leave my ex. My point is just because he might be with her now doesn't mean they are made for each for the long hall. Put it out there and be patient. I take back what I said before, I now think he does love you. You may not get what you want right now, but that doesn't mean you want get what you want later.

[afrohombre1]

Just got the whole story. Tell him that you wanna know he's into you through his actions and not with words or sex. Let him know how you feel.

[Asker]

Thgank you. I want to. I am not sure how though.

I don't know if they've moved in with each other or what. & months of the time they were together he was flirting with me, sarcastic banter, flirting. I know a man in love and they don't talk to other women that way out of respect for their girl. He told me at one point if it came to where she made him choose that he'd choose her anbd hoped I understood. This June, exactly 4 months ago today to be exact, he unfriended me on Facebook...

[Asker]

...for no reason. I made a comment that was innocent and I think she decided I had to go. It was a political comment agreeing with him on something. 10 days later I asked him in a text if I had accidentally unfriended him (to take the pressure and blame out of it) and he BLOCKED me. I was hurt. Maybe they now live together? He wanted no trouble? She'd be able to look me up easier if they lived together? I don't know. I am not sure how I can catch him. Work is out, he travels on the road...

[Asker]

...and it wouldn't be cool to bring this to work. All I know is that iot has been this long and I cannot let him go. I know I love him. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Displaying tough love. I have read that no contact sometimes, most times, regains your control of the situation. The element you need to get attraction back. True?

[Asker]

Curious... what made you change your mind and take back what you said? "I take back what I said before, I now think he does love you."

[afrohombre1]

First, don't generalize all guys. You ran into someone that maybe wanted some sex, it happens. You just have to move on. And yes, some guys don't have remorse when it comes to leading women on.

[Asker]

I don't mean to say all are this way. That's why I am asking. I want to know if there is any likelyhood of him feeling bad, I'd feel better knowing he has a heart in there somewhere. If he doesn't, do you think he has one with the new gf? I figure if he has it in him to be so cruel and heartless, then he has it in him to be that way to her someday too. I personally couldn't be that way to anyone. It shows in ALL of my relationships of any kind. Wouldn't it show up in his?

[afrohombre1]

It's possible, depends how she makes him feel. I think he didn't feel bad because he didn't have feelings for you. But, this can happen too when a guy dates around a views women as something that comes and goes. Sometimes when a guy dates around and something goes down he just moves on to the next one, without giving the one he hurt to much thought.

[Asker]

So will he ever come back?

[afrohombre1]

Did you have good times together?

[Asker]

Yes. Not a lot 'together' because he wasn't divorced that long and I knew he had to get through that. But the time we shared was GREAT! He maintained flirtatious communication with me for over a year. I believe it was because of the new girlfriend that he had to go.

[afrohombre1]

It's possible that you can back together then. I gotta ask you though, do you really want someone that chose someone else over being with you. Life is short, it is someone out there that would choose you over anyone else, don't be a second choice. You know the most attractive women to me is a women with supreme confidence and doesn't settle for less. Be that type of women!

[Asker]

I get that. I feel those emotions often. However, I did tell him to basically get whoring out of his system, the extra girls and rebound relationship because I didn't want to share him with anyone. So I am the one who put him back out there, giving him space. Can a man be ready for serious just 7 months after divorce? SERIOUSLY? One of my guy friends says when it's a sexual relationship it 'feels' right but that feeling can be misleading because it is oxitocin, not love.

[afrohombre1]

In my opinion your friend is right. I'm gonna tell you this, I was truly in lve once and I was with her for seven years, if she would've told me to leave to find myself, I would've told her there is no way I'm leaving you. I did cheat on her and when I came to my senses realized she was the only woman for me, at that time of course. After 7 months, that is a short time, just let him know how you feel if you love him. Like I said you only live once.

[Asker]

I wish I had a crystal ball. I feel like laying my cards out on the table, if he isn't receptive to me (which while in a relationship with another of any kind, he probably isn't) might make him mad at me. Like, "I told you my choice!" But letting him figure it out on his own? Isn't that worth anything? Part of me thinks if I have to beg, forget it. But there must have been some reason he held onto me for so long into their relationship.

[afrohombre1]

Who cares if he gets mad, I didn't say beg him, I said put it out there how you feel. Tell him you don't want to mess things up with him and his girl, but you have to get this off your chess. Don't pressure him or beg him, that decreases your appeal, believe it. In the story you left out some important details, so what really happened? The only way I or anyone can answer your question is that you have to tell the whole story behind the question, if it's personal then I understand.

[Asker]

He was like a kid in a candy store. Saying he was having lots of sex, booze and rock and roll during the time we weren't together. That is why I felt he needed time. I just don't know what to do. Timing is EVERYTHING. And timing hasn't been a friend of mine through out this. Right after he met her, and they were on that sex track, his dad died. I know she was 'there for him'. How can I compete with that? My only hope is time and prayer.

[Asker]

Whole story, in a short space... We met online, spent a wonderful evening together, he stayed at my place overnight, didn't go out again but he texted me alot. He was always making comments that 'someday', almost like I was a potetial when he was ready. $ months later we met up again where he wanted sex. Stayed over night with me again, no sex but very hot makeouts. This STILL didn't make him give up completely. He still was contacting me on my cell and Facebook. Keeping interest...

[Asker]

He dated others during this time. That second night is when I told him of not wanting to share. It was 2 and a half months later that he met uop with her. He broke up with the one month gilr before her because she wouldn't put out. He was tired of waiting. So you see, I really think he is just interested in regular sex. I live an hour and 15 minutes from him, she is a half hour away. EASY sex. He must not want to bite the hand that feeds him right now. How important is sex to a guy anyway?

[Asker]

It's important to me too, but I need to know he is doing it because he is into me, not just wants to 'get' into me. When I feel it is safe, that he IS into me, then look out! He wasn't willing to find out I guess. Seriously though...could timing have something to do with where he is in his life right now or am I just S.O.L.?