My wife said I'm an absent father?

[Anonymous]

My wife wants to stay at home. I realized I needed to go back to school and get masters degree for that to happen. Right now, I'm working on a STEM Masters degree, working an internship, and my wife is pregnant. We have a 10 month old as well. My wife is dealing with extreme nausea so its hard for her to work remote and take care of things like our son. So I pulled out from my 401k so that I could afford a nanny to come by during the week to take the load off. I do all the cooking, and cleaning, and my wife is sort of a slob. Yesterday, I bombed a mid-term and I'm a 4.0 GPA. I realized it was because I didn't have the proper time to study. I'm not taking care of my health. I eat fast food. I don't have time to shit. I have maybe 15 minutes a day to go on my phone and just unwind.

My wife doesn't pick up after herself and I've mentioned how much it upsets me when I see her trash and dishes laying out. We've talked about it several times. I told her this morning again that she needs to put her things away. She's so messy and will just leave trash piled up. She got defensive saying don't lecture me and retaliated by yelling saying I'm an absent father. She always yells when I tell her these things are frustrating me, but this really cut me deep. The whole reason I'm doing this is to create a better life for my wife and family. All I want to do is take my son to the park and spend time with him. I love him so much. I hate that I can't be there as much as I want to and have told her this.

I'm at a point where I don't want to do this for her. A husband giving his wife the ability to not work anymore is a gift. I don't mind hard work. But my wife is not only not supporting me, but she destabilizes me and makes me feel like shit everyday. I feel like I don't want to give her that gift anymore. She's breaking me down. I'm very resentful toward her and don't like the example she's setting for our son.

[fantasticass]

A marriage is teamwork. A marriage doesn't work when a member of the team decides to live like a slob. Your wife is spoiled. I suggest she gets a job and learn how to deal with reality. And why would you take money out of your savings for a nanny? That's the same as taking the money out to go partying... academics are all the same. I wish you all the best with your lazy wife and your attitude of being to good for anyone

[Asker]

My wife works remote 40 hrs a week. She manages a lot of people. With the extreme nausea and my son at the age where he needs constant attention it got to the point where she was shaking by the end of the day and had chills. That’s why I got the nanny.

[fantasticass]

Why are you making excuses for your wife? Please don't have anymore children. Your wife cannot handle being a mother... I suggest she seeks mental help, hiring a nanny makes it worse not better. Trust me, I was raised by a nanny.

[Asker]

Because she's my wife. Nobody has given any practical advice or shared any experiences here. Only judgement and insults.

[Anonymous]

Why are you getting a degree at age 35 when you have a wife and kid to support? The time for earning degrees is in your early 20s. Right now it's only time to make money any way you can. What good is a masters degree going to do anyway, if you don't have the skills to do your career?

[Asker]

This degree has opened up doorways to a higher level and higher paying positions. I already landed a prestigious internship. I’m also 30. I did it so that my wife can stay at home.

[Asker]

Most of my cohort is around 26 to 28 years old

[Nikki1989]

You are typical of so many males. You're in your 30s and still haven't got your life together.

[Asker]

How so? I have years about a decade of professional experience. The only thing is I decided to go back to grad school to make more money for my family.

[Asker]

People wonder why the male suicide rate is so high. A man opens up on his last limb and the women judge and put him further down. That’s what’s typical from what I see.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

This is judgmental sexist bullshit. It takes time for men and women to establish themselves in a career and it takes time to earn those degrees, especially if your working full time and taking care of a family. Typical males? Men in general do not really hit their earning potential, depending on their decisions until mid to late 30's to 40's.

His wife sounds like a lazy entitled pain in the ass. Pregnant or not, she should be able to at least pick up her own trash piles.

[Agape93]

Definitely not dude. Your busting your ass. It's probably her hormones, but that's no excuse for treating your partner like shit

[SaoirseS]

So what’s your question?

[Asker]

To gather a consensus on the situation rather than keeping it in my head by myself.

[SaoirseS]

Still, what’s the question?

[Asker]

The question is implicit rather than explicit. If it’s a confusion of linguistics, than I suppose I could have reworded it to “Can I get an opinion my marriage situation?” Does that answer your question?

[SaoirseS]

Use the question update feature to ask a legitimate question that would elicit a narrative response. Putting a question mark after a statement does not make it a question.

[Asker]

Oh thank you for that insight. The other users connected the inference and are providing the insight I was seeking. Did you have any feedback or is your only intent to hall monitor this question? If not, I’d appreciate if you can exit the question as I’d like to keep the dialog relevant. Thank you.