Is it really wrong to lead on multiple guys after a breakup for distraction?

[Anonymous]

Even before my recent boyfriend, i’ve always had this thing where i cannot be left alone without the presence of a male. I turn extremely sad and depressive if i’m alone and the only way to prevent it is by having a man to distract and pay attention to me. After being heartbroken and left by my boyfriend, i needed a distraction so im currently leading on 7+ guys at once / talking to them in order to keep my mind busy. I know its kind of wrong of me, but is it truly my fault for needing distraction?

[Anonymous]

Well, if not "your fault" than whose would it be? It's not their fault that you need attention for validation.

You sound co-dependant, with low self esteem, both of which are issues which you need to work on. Leading on multiple men is both rude, and unfair, to them. It also won't fix your deeper issues; it is, at best, a temporary panacea. At worst, it's fueling your root problems, and making them worse, not better.

Unless you address the root problem, you're never really going to be happy, and it will ultimately lead to problems with future relationships. What happens when you and a new boyfriend have a disagreement? Are you going to seek temporary validation from men outside of your relationship? That's only going to cause more problems, and rapidly leads to cheating.

I'd suggest trying to figure out why you need such validation, and try to improve your own mental health, before it gets worse, and causes additional problems.

[OlderAndWiser]

How would you feel if a guy was giving you what you thought was genuine and sincere attention, but you later learned that he didn't care about your feelings and just used you to make himself feel better? Cool, or not cool?

[Asker]

i would cry

[OlderAndWiser]

So this is what you are doing to these guys. Do you believe in the Golden Rule?

[Asker]

i’m not sure what that is

[OlderAndWiser]

Ancient rule that says don’t expect other people to treat you better than you treat them.

[Screenwriter]

Yes it IS truly your fault for not seeking to go through the grief of loss to get to the other side and be ready to have a valid new relationship.

Healing takes place when you acknowledge and deal with painful feelings. And it's unfair of you to treat people like toys. I hope you see a therapist to get to the source of why you do this and so you can stop and be well. Good luck.

[Cleatchaser1]

I bet some of them would still be willing to distract you even if you told them it's all they were. Tell them all what's going on and let them decide. Seven is excessive anyway.

[beenherebefore]

You seem very insecure, immature and inexperienced that's why you crave all that male validation. This can be very damaging to yourself integrity as a Woman.

[Asker]

i wish i was inexperienced, i’m so experienced for my age it makes the situation worse because i can’t just blame it on being unsure of how to act in relationships

[Mark_Est]

You are a typical low value std farmer.

And these guys are super simps. No man would even entertain the idea of dating a woman who isn't a virgin.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

It's fine. We do it to women too. Just don't accidentally catch feelings and you're golden.

[Alex-Snow]

Are you sexually involved with these guys?

[Asker]

no, just flirty talk and sending and small acts like kissing etc

[Alex-Snow]

Is the flirty talk getting them tuned on?

[Asker]

yes hence why they send to me🙄

[jahaims]

Duh.