When an ex says they might want to get back together in the future, do they really mean it?

[Anonymous]

I wasn’t sure how to word this question… I guess I just want stories and insights from people who have experienced this.

My long term boyfriend just officially broke up with me after a 2 week break. He was so cold and unemotional during the breakup even though the week before he was saying how much he loved and missed me (we did a check-in in the middle of the break). One thing he said that’s been on my mind was, “maybe we can revisit this in the future.” Like he wanted to try again in the future but he didn’t know how long it would take to get over the hurt.

Was he just being nice and polite? Just a passive response? Could he have actually meant it? He is a people pleaser so I’m worried that he was just saying it to make me feel better (it didn’t, it made me feel worse).

I know I shouldn’t expect him to come back and I am taking the steps to move on but do men mean it when they say this? I’m honestly scared he’s gonna come back when I’m still unhealed and it will ruin my progress.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. No, he is trying to make himself feel better by trying to show that he wants to be nice about this, but he probably doesn't mean it.

2. If he DOES mean it, do you want to sit around waiting to be his backup plan if he can't find anything better than you? Is your self-esteem THAT low?

[Masie]

I agree and no more to add.

[Asker]

Thank you I appreciate what you said. I definitely don’t want to be a backup. Of course I will have moments where I miss him. But day by day I am moving on, healing, and learning to enjoy the single life.

[OlderAndWiser]

This experience is not a loss if you learn some lessons from the failure. E. g., in the early stages, were there warning signs that you ignored? Did you commit your heart to the relationship too quickly? Did you yield to sexual pressures? Should you have been more assertive at times? Did you not enforce boundaries?

You can't change him, and you can't change the past, but you can make adjustments in yourself so that you are better at protecting yourself and better at being a partner in the next relationship.

[Calyptomaniac]

It's best to assume he's not coming back and if he is a people pleaser, he is trying to be as delicate as possible. Giving you false hope is probably something he thinks will make it easier to take now but you are right to move on and it makes sense you feel worse. If he really does come back some time, then you can see how you feel when it happens but you're doing the right thing for now.

[beenherebefore]

I wouldn't hold on to that statement. I would move on with my life instead of wasting my time waiting for someone that may never come back. Not to mention that people change as time goes by and the person you dated in the past is not going to date you the same way in the future and vice versa.

[slatyb]

WGAF? Move on, date other people and if they contact you, then you can decide. The answer will surely be "no, go away"

[worldscolide]

Women and men both use that as a manipulation tactic to keep an ex on the string as a backup partner. In other words, no, I don't believe it. It's almost 100% of the time a lie.

[Nikki1989]

Those men just want to use you once again. Don't fall for it.

[Danny_dan92]

Fuck sake. Iet it go