Why did my ex leave me to “heal” but became self destructive instead?

[Anonymous]

My ex boyfriend broke up with me, I didn’t break up with him. He said he wanted to leave me because he needs to heal from the hurt I’ve caused him and “find himself”. But lately, he’s been smoking, drinking, overspending, staying friends with toxic people, and talking to a bunch of girls. He wasn’t like that when we were together, to my knowledge. He cared for his health and we worked together to self-improve mentally, academically, and in many other ways. I wasn't always a perfect partner but I thought we were good.
I don’t doubt that he’s hurting from the break up but it was his choice to leave. Why isn’t he pursuing healing like he said? I can tell it’s getting worse because his nice friends imply to me that they’re annoyed with how he’s acting. I understand if he was unhappy with me, but why would he go out and do things he knows will hurt him even more in the long-term?

I wish things could have ended differently, but he doesn’t owe me anything. I just really thought his intention was to heal, even if it didn’t include me. I want the best for him and it’s hard to see him struggling.

[Anonymous]

There could be many reasons.


The most likely one is that they simply didn't love you enough. If they truly loved you, they probably wouldn't have left. Most breakups are initiated by women or are mutual, but if a man is the one who leaves, it can be a sign that he didn't love you enough.


Another possibility is that their life was a mess. They may have felt they needed to be alone to fix it and didn't want the responsibility of being in a relationship until they got their own life together.

[Staximus]

He’s your ex for a reason, stop worrying about him and move on with your life

[Pretendingtobesweet]

Men are dog you have to treat them like a puppy

[Danny_dan92]

He didn’t want you anymore, he was done period