Why did my ex leave me, when I gave her everything she wanted and treated her like no other?

[Frederick123]

We dated for over 2 years and things were going as a dream. I treated her like a queen and would do anything to make her happy. A couple of weeks ago, I got the: "We need to talk" message. She told me things weren't the same anymore and she didn't feel the same way for me. I was obviously in shock and could never see it coming. It has absolutely broken me, and I really struggle to move on. I've had a couple of "talks" with her since the break up, but it seems like she doesn't really care about me and my feelings. (Keep in mind that I love this girl to death and would do anything to get her back) Can anyone please help a broken boy..
Cheers

[Urbantarzan]

I've been through what you have. And even worse, I know a friend who was like you got cheated on about two months before his wedding. Her reason? ", was not enough' for her.", "She wanted an equal".

REASONS :

Girls don't like a guy who is extremely lovey dovey! Sorry, they like the initial phase of it, but not everyday for years. That's the truth.

The ideal guy would be someone who is supporting and loving, but who would also EXPECT something off her too (without doing which he would be disappointed). That chase to meet an expectation, keeps her with him. Of course, if she's trying to meet unrealistic expectation and he's always disappointed, she may leave for other reasons.

I have seen it in more than 3 relationships, guys who expect some work out of their girls and don't fall on them everyday are the ones who keep them. The psych of it is that anything that is easily available is taken for granted. There is no thrill in knowing that thing, no ability for her to grow as a person, she doesn't feel like her abilities have any VALUE. We would even love a little baby for nothing, right?

Girl's like to be treated like princesses, yes, but she also wants to be with an EQUAL (or even a SUPERIOR). Ever hear of the common story where the dorky guy does all the hot girl's homework and gets nothing but a kiss on the cheek? Or not even that? Ever hear the story where a guy says he does "everything to keep her happy", but she leaves him? That's because she doesn't see you as an EQUAL. Girls irrespective of what they say, like to be an equal or an inferior to her man. It gives her the assurance that she has chosen a man worthy of her.

Lastly, SEX. If the sex was really good, she won't leave you. Despite girls behaving like sex doesn't matter, they have just the same base urges as guys. They are more careful about it because the consequences of such dangerous behavior can affect them more. A girl would leave a guy who can't satisfy her, just as how a guy would do the same! If she had an emotional attachment to him, or found that life with him was nice in terms of the future, or family goals she would put a greater effort in making the sex better. But there is a point after which she would either cheat, or end it.

Reflect on ALL these points. Which ones match your story? Only you know! Good luck. You can develop feelings for many girls. Bottom line : Be the most awesome person YOU CAN, everything else comes to you

[Frederick123]

Wow, thank you for such a great reply! It really puts things in perspective! As I said: I've been with this girl over over 2 years, and honestly I did all my best to make her forever love me. Sounds probably weird, but that was my intention. She was my first "big" love and I saw my future with her. It might sound like I was "too" nice with her, but I challenged her many times. She is a very shy person who had problem with "open" up with me, my friends and family. I don't really understand why though, when I'm very humble and easy to speak with.

What I am trying to figure out, is where I did "Wrong" I did only my best in our relashionship and was willing to sacrifise anything for her. The only reasonable reason I can think of is that she always needed attention. Especially by other people. She didn't get that with me, and missed it all. An another good reason can be her best friend. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, so that can be an influence on my ex..

[Urbantarzan]

The fact that you helped her open up is a good thing. She might come back to you if she felt it was right. This might sound silly - but from what I have seen, when a girl loses that spark or feeling, it's makes no sense to reason to her with it (leads to circular reasoning).

Her bestie breaking up with her boyfriend doesn't seem to have any effect on her breaking up with you (is that what you meant?).

I wish you luck man, I really do. Girls often complain about guys not communicating, or cheating, when I see women do this in greater proportion. These things have no black and white answers.

From my experience, the period when I was clingy - I went back to her, she just dumped me soon after again. It's better to have the self-respect to go your own way. If she comes back, be there for her (you would because you seem to love her). But she might do it again. Sad truth. The best way to love is to expect nothing back. Difficult as idealistic as it sounds.

[Shadowtrooper_BNG]

It went the other way with me. There's this girl who thought I was weird and not worth liking and now she likes me. I really don't have any advice. I'm 7 years younger than you

[Changiis07]

Well she might have gotten bored. I honestly don't know but trust me there are plenty of girls wanting an amazing boyfriend like yourself. So if she doesn't appreciate this she will regret it. I say move on before you get more hurt she will realize sooner or later what she missed out on. I'm sorry break ups aren't easy. Find someone who will appreciate you and won't take you for granted. You never know she might reach out you or in the future you will get back together. You're only 20. You'll want to focus on your goals and what you want to do as well and then someone will come along and sweep you off like she did hang in there. For now move on and keep dating other girls

[Frederick123]

thank you for the reply! The only thing on my mind right now, is her. She is so hard to forget.. But as you say: Life goes on, and I need to move forward. It will take time, but that's only thing that needs to be done. I hope some day someone will appreciate me and all the effort I put in, in a relashionship. Thanks again :)

[Urbantarzan]

You are welcome. :-) I know this phase you are probably going through. Even if you can't move on now, don't text her. 2 years is a fairly long time for a relationship and it's worth consider again if she comes back.

Girls also tend to move towards the more 'stable' guy when they get to their mid 20s - if you have a job that pays okay, you have realistic 'life goals' in perspective, higher are the chances that she would come back then.

For now, I would say give yourself some time. Eat well, exercise, try to be positive. After 6 weeks or so, go date other girls.

[Urbantarzan]

Eh.. I didn't notice I typed this in your space! Sorry Changiis07!

[Anonymous]

I am very sorry to hear you went through this. It couldve been that she stopped being attracted to you romantically, which has happened to me in the past. There are a lot of other reasons too, perhaps she wasn't ready for a relationship, It didn't feel right, etc. It is awful to here she "doesnt care" about you and your feelings.

[Frederick123]

Thanks for the reply. I just really hope she reconsider. I did everything for her, and she told me I was the best thing that ever happend to her, (obviously not..) I've decided to not talk to her for a while in hope for her to contact me