Ex-girlfriend thinks I deserve better - really?

I'd known my girlfriend (now ex) for nearly a year, and we dated about six months of that. I've known that she's had issues she's been dealing with in that time (self-esteem and some family issues), and it apparently came to a head recently when she ended things. It's always been hard to get things out of her because she's used to dealing with things on her own (the way her mom raised her, I guess).

Anyway, we've still talked since the breakup, but she's told me that I have to let her go, that it's her and not me, and that she has a lot of issues she has to get straightened out. In other words, I "deserve better."

She's had some bad relationships in the past, her father is out of the picture, and she's not used to people fighting for her or sticking up for her. I've supported her through whatever she's gone through, but she seems to feel that she's holding me back from someone better; I don't feel like that at all. To me, she was the one I wanted to be with. There was just something that clicked with her over anyone else I've ever dated, and I saw a future with her.

I know and understand she has things she needs to deal with, and sometimes people need to find themselves before they can have a healthy relationship with someone else, but I feel like she's trying to "marry me" to someone else when I really have no interest in seeing someone else (prior to her, I'd been focused on school and work for two years, and I still have another two years). In terms of dating, I can be patient, so she's not holding me back from anything.

Thoughts on if this is worth saving?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It has to do with the self-esteem issues you say she has. She probably feels like she's not good enough for you and doesn't want to cause you any troubles.

    You should talk to her. Tell her about these future plans you saw with her and convince her you'll be there for her no matter what.

    Give her a bit of space and time to get herself together, but if you really love this woman as much as it seems you do, you'll fight to be with her. Guaranteed.

    Best of luck! <3

    - Gracie

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What Girls Said 2

  • she cares for you, I think she still has some feelings for you.. I'm sure she didn't want to break-up with you.. tell her how you feel about her! do the same exact thing that made her like you in the first place:) but give her time, wait till things die down a little. chase after her, either it's what she wants or something she needs from you. hope I help:)

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  • You and I are in very similar situations. Our exes are a lot alike. I wish I could be of more help, but I'm struggling the same way you are. Anyway, if it helps at all, you're not alone. I hope that your question will provide some insight for me as well as you.

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What Guys Said 1

  • If she were really feeling it for you, she would not be saying "You deserve better." She would want to be with you; she would lean on you to support her through the issues she was having in her life. You shouldn't try to rationalize her behavior; an interested woman doesn't act like that. Whether you want to date someone else is irrelevant; she's finished with you, so you need to move on.

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    • Like I said, she deals with things herself. Her family taught her that having someone else support you is a sign of weakness. And I know she's still interested because she had called me a few days after the breakup telling me that she thinks she screwed up our relationship, still loved me, and was having second thoughts. She's just not used to someone wanting to stand by her - she's been ditched before and probably thinks I'd do the same.

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