My crush likes another girl, how can I get over him?

[Anonymous]

This guy used to hit o me all the time, and at one point, I just wanted to have fun and we hooked up. We started getting along really well and he was really charming, but he has a bit of a reputation so I knew a relationship was out of the question. We kept hooking up, though. Sadly, the heart wants what the heart wants and I developed a crush on him.

Recently he started treating me more like just a buddy, and he was more distant and last night I found out through another friend that he likes someone else.

The thing is, I feel pathetic and stupid and I know it's all my fault, I mean, no one forced me to sleep with him. And even though rationally I know he's not the right guy for me, I still dwell on this, I'd been feeling blue about his becoming distant and now I know why... I also know the girl he's into, and she's the sweet girl next door type that any guy would want as a girlfriend: she's beautiful, smart, very feminine in a princess-like way, charming, cute, innocent...

I feel like a cheap whore (again, I know this is my fault), like I can't compete with her. So I give up. And even though I don't sleep around and this guy has been my only real friend with benefits, I feel like I was just a notch on his bedpost, not special, etc... I'm also not beautiful like her, I get a lot of attention from guys who tell me I'm hot (I don't think I'm hot either) but it's all shallow, cheap, and it could be me or any other girl, I'm just not special! And I'm smart, but I'm not all "princessy" I'm more like one of the guys... I'm not delicate or innocent... you get the picture.

I've always had problems with self esteem due to this, because my only ex boyfriend was abusive and didn't respect me, and all guys I've ever truly liked never liked me back, and the ones that show attention are always just after sex and nothing else. I feel worthless.

How can I get over this current crush (I see him and the other girl weekly) and gain some self esteem?

[rudy37lee]

I can completely understand why you feel this way, I've been there. It's a crappy situation to be in and it hurts! When I was younger I tried to get a guy, and I made the mistake of sleeping with him too soon. So, even though I had not slept with other people this way (like you), it didn't change HIS perspective on me, which he based on his experiences. If you give it up easy for one guy, he'll think you will give it up that easy for another guy too. Which is frustrating when you REALLY like him and think you're sharing something special with him. Now, with this particular guy, it may not have made a difference of whether or not he would want to be with you, but it's always better to be safe than sorry, and wait. If you had waited, your confidence wouldn't be taking such a hit from seeing him go after another girl. Whoever said to smile and say HI when you see them is right, you'll give off an air of confidence, which will make you feel a little better, and after time, will blossom into true confidence. You can't control what others think of you, you can only control your own actions and thoughts about yourself. If you present yourself in a proper way, and those men continue to treat you in an improper way, then they are most def below you! Don't pay them any attention, what they think of you means NOTHING. Don't worry about being a princess either, they are typically high maintenance and guys don't like that. Most the guys I know would prefer a girl who can be feminine, but keep it real and chill with the boys at the same time. You're doing just fine and when the right guy comes along, he'll treat you like a princess because he knows you deserve it and he's damn lucky to have ya. Good luck girl, keep your head up.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain, Honey. many other women do too. First of all I would stop having sex with him, if you haven't already. The next thing to do to raise your self esteem is, every time you see him or her, plaster a smile on your face, even if you don't feel like it, and when you pass them by say HI. It will radiate a confidence that will tell you and the guy that you are not letting it bother you and you are getting on with your life. Practice it in the mirror and at least give it a try!

[katylaura]

if you want guys to consider you as girlfriend material, act like girlfriend material.

i don't mean change who you are or lie to get a guy though. if a guy was on here asking how he could get a girlfriend, not just one night stands, girls would be telling him to not sleep around, not make cheap-sounding comments and try and make friends with girls before making it sexual. the same kind of thing applies the other way round. think about what guys want in a girlfriend, and then try on work on those points.

ultimately though, lack of self esteem is a turn off. not modesty (that's a good thing), but crippling self doubts that stop you enjoying life and being confident in your own skin. maybe work on that first. the saying that no one will love you until you love yourself holds some truth.

[Orion]

Well for one thing maybe stop sleeping around so much. I don't say it to be mean or judgmental it's just if you want someone to treat you like Girlfriend material, BE Girlfriend material. You don't have to feel bad because he didn't choose you, learn from it.

As for getting over him, He's still your friend, just enjoy that part of him, focus on the fact that at least he still continues to accept you. Hell if you care about him enough maybe even offer to help him get with this crush. It's way more healing than wallowing in self pity.

[Asker]

Learn to read before you judge... he's the only guy I've ever slept with that I have not been in a relationship with... that makes him... oh wait... only the second guy I've EVER slept with, aside from my ex BOYFRIEND of 5 years. And I'm 23, some girls have slept with 100s of guys by my age. So no, I don't sleep around, if guys only pay sexual attention to me that's not my fault, I DON'T SLEEP AROUND! Not a whore!

[Orion]

Hmm, Fair enough, I rescind my comment I can admit when I'm wrong and this situation I was. Although I could swear it read that way I even tried not to insult you under that misconception, but you're right in your anger. Still the second part of my comment stands, value him as a friend that you still have.

[CasaNorba]

try to remember that he is not the only man in this world

[jayzee]

look for another guy ;)

there are like looooots h@

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel.. This is exactly where I'm at..

[Alanaaa]

DO NOT CREEP HIS FACEBOOK ,WHATEVER YOU DO.