Does my male colleague/friend like me more than just as friends?

[Anonymous]

We have known each other for a few years since first working on a project together. We are not in the same team or on same floors so we don't really see each other often. We kept in touch sporadically but would chat over office I'm or email from time to time. We have also talked about our personal problems before. I had a crush on him when we first met and back then I thought he liked me too. But the relationship settled to a friendship, we were both in other relationships. we would catch up whenever and he is fairly busy as well. So months would go by without us talking or seeing each other. But in recent weeks we chatted more and he was flirting with me over IM. I think it's flirting. I can never really tell and as I said we actually been "friends" for a couple of years now. But we exchanged some funny banter over I'm which was really making me laugh. I told him as a joke to buy me a drink and he offered to buy me dinner which I found very surprising! If he didn't have time to respond straightaway to some silly questions or banter he'd always get back to me later and apologizes as well! So I met him on a couple of occasions since the online banter and he appeared so different, seemed suddenly so "shy"?! He came to work drinks, and after chatting to me (10min) he left straightaway Because he still had work to do. He didn't talk to anyone else. He was looking me in the eyes when talking to me, but is it because I looked into his eyes?! he joked a bit...when he left he stroked my arm very gently like he actually didn't touch me at all. Few days before that I thought I caught him staring at me when I was approaching him and he was talking to somebody else. We haven't seen each other for months at that point. I felt like he looked at me like it was the first time he met me! Because we don't actually work together I can't really tell if he is like this with other girls. He had lunch in the office cantine with a girl and I was thinking why he hasn't been asking me out for lunch. (We used to a while back!) he is getting me confuse because I feel I'm starting to like him more than just as a crush. And underlying all this we are sorta friends so I can't really tell whether he likes me or not. I know he cares about me but is there any more?!

How would you interpret his behavior ?

Thanks!

[JohnScofield]

It seems so. You are either going to have to wait and see OR be a little forward, perhaps ask to meet him on a Saturday at a museum, something that allows it to be casual, but also a way out if nothing comes of it. Meaning that if it turns out to be a day at the museum, you can tell him thanks for coming with you and it was great to catch up like we used to. Then the friendship is not worse for wear. If more happens, well good for you!

[Asker]

Hi thanks for your reply. We have never met up outside work and I don't think it will happen unless he sticks to his promise to take me out for dinner. But he is so busy and has to travel so I'm not even sure whether he will remember. We are not close enough friends to just hang out. I just can't help to feel he likes me more than just finds me attractive. And I have been thinking more about him lately and trying to catch him whenever I can. I actually miss him.

[JohnScofield]

I agree he knows... But it sounds like you're going to let him take the initiative - or not. So...just be patient. Nothing else you can do really? I hope it works out!

[Asker]

So if he knows and he doesn't like me back will he be likely avoiding me in the near future? How can I make it less awkward and let him know its OK he doesn't have to like me back and we just stay the same. I would not want to lose him as a friend as well.

[JohnScofield]

It sounds that you are both adults. Why can't you just say " I value ourfriendship, but I would like to get to know you better." or something like that..unless you tell him you want to have his babies or something, I am sure your friendship will survive no matter what happens. I mean I am assuming he is mature and kind.

[Asker]

Babies?! Lol I really don't think I can make a first move... Yes he is a very kind person, in fact it's his kind eyes that first attracted me. The kindest eyes I ever saw.

[JohnScofield]

Lol... Well if you can't make the first move,then be patient. That's all you can do. You are cracking me up!

[Asker]

Hahaha! I'm not sure why but I take it as a compliment! :-) I'm glad I made you lol !

[JohnScofield]

Because you are like...

I really like this guy... I think he is in too me..but I can't tell. And if he is,he's too slow. BUT I can't and won't do anything about it!

So it seems you're stuck..but it's cute and sweet. At least from where I a sitting. :-)

[Asker]

Haha! Yeah I'm pretty useless like that! And patience is not my strength either. But neither am I that direct.

[martyfellow]

It sounds like, while he may feel attracted to you, e won't purusue a relationship with a work colleague, and this is of course wise. Stay with your warm friendship; if one of you leaves, then it will be time to define what your relatonship may be becoming.

[Asker]

That really doesn't sound easy! I'd actually understand the work situation we are in. . I just keep wondering whether the chemistry is just in my head. .. Do men sense whether a girl likes them more than just that? Is it possible to let him know without being blatantly obvious about it? But I wouldn't want to scare him off either. I just feel like I like to let him know subtly.

[martyfellow]

Oh, he's aware of your feelings, he just doesn't want to get the gossip mill started at work.

[Asker]

Is it so obvious that I like him based on the way I described the situation? :-) what makes you think he knows? How do I know he is reciprocating my feelings or not? Or he is just being a nice guy?

[martyfellow]

Oh, come now, stroking your arm, looking into your eyes? So obvious, but subtle and not going to attract attention and gossip at work.

You can be assured he returns your affection. But he won't show it openly with a work colleague.