I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 27. Although he's a couple of years older than me, he seems to have evaded a lot of responsibility in life by comparison. I have not always had a secure family situation - my mum had mental health problems so I was fostered until I reached my teens, and then a few years after I was back with my family my dad died, so I had to learn to grow up pretty fast and help out with my younger brother. I have mostly lived independently since I was 17, struggling to make ends meet after leaving school at 14 with no qualifications. More recently I went back to college and university and I have just qualified as a nurse. I have been with my boyfriend now a few years and we have decided to move in together, though I find I have a few reservations - not because of anything in the relationship - just because when I look at his life situation I wonder if he is really prepared. Although he's had a really well paid, skilled job since he left school, he's never moved out of his parent's home, and his mum completely spoils him! He has never used a washing machine, all of his washing and ironing is done for him. His mum cleans his room and changes his bed sheets. I have even noticed that she will fetch him drinks up and down stairs and clear his dirty pots into the kitchen. She makes many of his phone calls and takes care of things such as returning goods to shops for him. She is also very protective of him and permits him to opt out of any obligations he might find upsetting, such as visiting sick relatives. I realize that his upbringing is in stark contrast to mine, and I do wonder if perhaps this is normal and just alien to me. On the other hand, having struggled by myself for most of my life, I have looked forward to 'sharing the load' with a partner. I fear that despite his best intentions, with my boyfriend having so few life skills outside of the world of work, he might actually need me to shoulder his responsibilities too.
Does anybody have any experience with this, either women with partners from similar backgrounds, or men from similar backgrounds who moved in with their partners? Do men easily adapt from this to greater independence, or might it cause problems?
Does anybody have any experience with this, either women with partners from similar backgrounds, or men from similar backgrounds who moved in with their partners? Do men easily adapt from this to greater independence, or might it cause problems?
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