Why do guys hold on to grudges?

My ex and I broke up over a year ago. He ended things because he was stressed and the relationship put to much stress on him. I was heart broken. I really cared for this guy and enjoyed being with him.

I thought enough time had passed and wanted to befriend him again, so I sent the Facebook request the other day and...He just blocked me-just like that!. I thought after so long he would let go of this grudge he still has with me. I don't know what I did, if I even did anything.

Since the break up, he has dated a few people, and I have been in a relationship for the last 9 months.

To my knowledge, I didn't do anything to hurt him. I gave him his space like he asked and when I saw him out I would say "hi, how are you? It was good seeing you. Enjoy the rest of your night. " small talk.

With that said,

1. Why would a guy hold a grudge against someone this long when he chose to break up?

2. Do guys -knowing they hurt someone, regret it? Typically girls feel bad when they hurt someone relatively soon after and want to make amends. Just wondering if guys do to, or if it is something that they can brush off.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What kind of stress did the relationship put on him? It would be nice to have some context.

    Maybe you hurt him and he's trying to forget you, it might not be a grudge he just doesn't want to be reminded of the pain.

    For the second part of your question, it all depends on the guy of course. So-called "players" hurt girls all the time and don't feel regret. If he's more of the caring or emotional type, he probably regrets hurting you and is trying to forget about it by avoiding you, or he feels like you wronged him in some fundamental way and isn't willing to forgive.

    In short, he's probably trying to move on from a relationship that meant a lot to him but wasn't meant to be.

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    • Sorry, I wasn't veryclear on the stress part. At the time, he said, 'he had a lot of stress with work and family, and the stress of being in a relationship wasn't helping. He needed to get himself back ontrack and the easiest stress to get rid of was the relationship.' Now I understsnd he can't get rid of his family and he wasn't going to quit his job, but every relationship causes stress to a degree. I wanted to help him work throughit and offered to take things slower, but he just pushed away

    • It sounds like he was having some personal issues at home that he was working to resolve, and work didn't help. Maybe he feels guilty for not being able to give you the time you needed. It's kind of weird, though, that he considered your relationship stressful. You think he would have taken advantage of the support you could have given him. So, it sounds like it was a complex dynamic at home... I wouldn't take it personally, anyway, if he's dated a few people maybe he's unsure what he wants

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What Guys Said 4

  • 1. In this situation, with no information of you doing anything, I'd say its a little ridiculous. BUT, say you did do something serious, it wouldn't be "holding onto a grudge" . There's just no need to be friends with someone like that (again, assuming you did something, which you claim you didn't)

    2. If someone hurt me, I wouldn't even give it a 2nd thought if I ended up hurting them.

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    • Thanks. If I did do something, I'll never know! But, I would never try to purposely hurt him. If I did, I'd want to know so I can undo the wrong or clear up a misunderstanding where my intentions were good, but the delivery was not.

  • He blames you,eveif he was the one formally dfcoosing to break up. He didn't tell you at the time, but he really thinks it was your fault.

    Either that, or he knows yu're in a relationship now, and somehow resents that. A lot of guys always think their ex belongs to THEM, forever after...!

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  • I still have a grudge from a 2009 break up. She can suck my balls and I'd tell her that if she ever tried to talk again.

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  • Who wants to be friends with their ex? I would have declined too.

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    • and this. There's 0 need to be friends with an ex unless you think and WANT something to happen between you two. Honestly, and I'm just being honest, there's little to no need for female just friends unless they have hot friends themselves

What Girls Said 1

  • who knows what's going on with him since you two went your own ways. seriously I mean so many things could of happened and well maybe he's just not ready to be friends with you. especially if you guys had a relationship before. I know a lot of people both men and women who can not have a friendship after a relationship. sometimes that's how the heart works.

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