Why do some guys break things in anger?

[LemunsY2K]

Alright, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly a year. We of course (like all couples) have fights. But..there has been a couple times where his anger has increased and he's punched a wall...or like kicked a table..breaking something. -_- It's annoying..and scary sometimes. He would neeeevvvverr hit me. He babies me way too much. And I have a few friends that have the same issue with their husbands or boyfriends. Can someone explain? lol He is 20 years old by the way.

[scott63a]

It's called immaturity. He isn't getting his way,so he's going to break something. It's usually coupled with an anger issue that is not associated with you, per se. However, it should definitely be a red flag. I have seen it happen many many times where the gf/wife says I don't understand what happened,i didn't think he would ever hit me. Then I ask the girl if he has ever been violent before, she says, well yeah, he breaks the furniture, he punches holes in the wall, he beat up some guy when we were out one night, etc,etc.

They never think it's going to be them, because "he loves me." Yeah, well, good luck with that. The majority of people who are victims of domestic violence say they have seen their attacker violent on multiple occasions prior to being attacked. the victim just never thinks it will be them.

And by the way, while you may not be a victim of domestic violence, you may already be a victim of domestic abuse. If while he is throwing one of his fits, you have ever felt threatened, or unable to say something to him, or unable to leave without pissing him off further, then you have been a victim of abuse.

One way to avoid being a victim is to let him know that his behavior is unacceptable. Obviously, you have to do this when he is not pissed off and when you feel safe. When he does become abusive, you need to remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible without getting yourself hurt. He may need counseling or some other kind of support that you cannot provide for him.

Has he ever been under the influence of alcohol or drugs when he's been violent?

[LemunsY2K]

Ahh, I know I'm going to sound like "that girl" but I know that he wouldn't. He doesn't follow me or grab me when I walk away. And honestly, I don't take it too seriously when he does it. It's more like, I just kind of get annoyed and try to show him how completely ridiculous he's being. I got scared at one point because it did startle me. He did just lose his father. BUT alcohol and drugs isn't really his thing. He's the responsible type.

[scott63a]

Well, I hope for your sake that is true. You would be surprised how many people say exactly what you are saying, then they get clobbered. Just do yourself a favor and do some research on domestic violence as well as anger management. Some of the DV sites are a little over the top, but there is good information out there. And due to his recent loss, he may very well need counseling/therapy. He's a young guy and I'm sure losing his dad had to be difficult.

[LemunsY2K]

I feel a little weird looking up some of that information..It wouldn't hurt to check it out though. The more you know, right? lol Thanks for the response.

[VickraMederata]

You're correct. The breaking of things is releasing energy because it works for him. Men don't and can't hold grudge and pain for long. When with a woman it can become an often thing we are. It naturally built for. So if the guy is a wuss he'll tuck his tail and absorb. If he's sctuskky more if s make he'll end up transferring that energy into something. Like a Viking obliterates all nature when mad. But as they get okay they forget in flat 69 seconds. Be cool you are safe!

[-Asmo-]

It's relieves anger and tension, not that I have done it very much. He can learn to give it up if he wants, so maybe you should talk to him about finding another way to deal with things.

[LemunsY2K]

Understandable...but still. It just all seems so unnecessary. We've discussed it before. And he tries, but it still happens once in awhile. Thanks for the in-put. Much appreciated.

[ButterflyXkisses]

You should tell him it scares you. Honestly, it would scare me. My sisters boyfriend does that stuff, and it eventually moved on to their dog (which they no longer have, thank bob), and he has even hit her before. I'm glad you can trust him though. I was raised around a BUNCH of guys you couldn't trust, so it makes me happy when I see girls with guys that they absolutely know wouldn't hit them. But yeah, off topic. If you tell him it scares you and you guys talk about it, I think he would stop. He might make it into too big of a habit and it can get out of control. You may have to start fights outside to save your belongings lol.

[LemunsY2K]

I just wanna say..I'm sorry about that. That's horrible. I hope she worked through that...and got out of there. I talked to him about it. He's upset that it scared me once, but he didn't know. lol I don't like show weakness so he couldn't tell. But, I appreciate your in put. Thank you :]

[ButterflyXkisses]

No she's still with him. =/ It's a bummer. But you're welcome. I'm glad he got the point that it scared you.

[Anonymous]

Honestly... A lot of the time when we're really really mad at our girl we do get the real urge to take it out on her physically and turn to breaking something to get rid of it. It's one of the un-talked about things no one likes to admit, but some times we just get a buildup of steam and have to let it out. If we get mad and break the table it because we didn't want to break you.

Having said that, I'm 23 and I'm realizing how to just drop sh*t and relieve the steam. But the thought does still cross my mind to hit her, it crosses all our minds, and that's the cue I take to just get out of there for a bit and drop the anger without hitting anything. Though even I do still now when I can't handle it. Because well... we can't hit you. When in desperate anger we break the furniture not the gf.

Even though it sounds really bad... It's cause we don't want to hurt you *gives best pout*

[LemunsY2K]

LOL...I feel like...I should say that's horrible. But you might be completely right. I can be a serious douche in an argument. And I want to "break" him sometimes too. But I guess...he might hit his boiling point before I do. Thanks for the honest opinion.