Girlfriend left me after 6 years: 8 weeks no contact advice

Hi all,

It's been 8 weeks since my girlfriend of 6 years originally left me.

Here's the situation, I cut off all contact with her and changed my number, blocked Facebook including ANY mutual friends etc and have stuck to no-contact. She left me out of the blue one Saturday morning, stating that we had lost the spark in our relationship (even though in my opinion we hadn't).

It's been ridiculously hard - I can't even begin to tell you how hard. There have been times where I have been sat at my desk in work, when everyone goes home and I have no-one to go home to, I just sit there and wonder what the hell has become of my life. I'm sure many people will relate to this - that sense of loss, that all of your future plans are down the drain (we planned a family together) and a feeling of complete helplessness as you wonder how on earth you can replace someone that you've spent 6 incredible years with. You just feel so alone at times it's unreal.

I've been out on several dates during these 8 weeks in an attempt to help myself, but inevitably you end up comparing everyone you meet to that person you have lost - so again you just feel helpless and heartbroken.

During this time I have written countless emails to her, hovering the mouse over the 'send' button, but never doing it. Always backing out at the last moment. On a couple of occasions I have been about to send the email telling her I miss her, but I have phoned friends to have told me not to do it and persuaded me to back out. Goodness knows, it's been so hard though to maitain the no-contact - but I've somehow maintained it. Somehow.

It's now been over 60 days NC and I miss her so badly it's literally UNREAL. Just when I thought I was starting to get through it, I took a massive nosedive last week at the end of week 8, and I found myself missing her so badly it literally hurt inside - couldn't concentrate at work, felt empty all the time, no enthusiasm to do anything etc.

So here goes my question: should I email her to tell her I miss her? I just want her to know I miss her - that's all.

My concern, like many others in similar situations I'm sure, is that she thinks I have moved on from her as I have dropped completely off the radar.

She has had over 60 days now without me in her life, and there is a part of me that wants to know if she misses me too?

I understand that she has also had 60 days plus of no contact, and likewise she could have emailed me too - so yes I know that the odds are that I will get an email with a hurtful response, or maybe even no response at all. That will hurt, I know it - but there's just this part of me that yearns to tell her I miss her?

background story; we never argued in the entire six years we had together, had a wonderful relationship full of love and affection. I have previously posted about the story on here before, but it won't let me share the link

I miss this woman so badly guys it's unbelievable. It's like a nightmare that I can't wake up from:(

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You can do no-contact but at the same time you have to find ways in which you get her from running through your mind. It is always harder on the dumpee. If there is something you do not like to do but it is good for you, do it every time she runs on your mind. For example, I do not like drinking water when ever he crosses my mind.

    Find something about the house to change, maybe the arrangement of the chair, tables, repaint the rooms. Throw out an old painting and bring in a new one

    You cannot start a new relationship with a broken heart, heal yourself first then go on new dates or else you are just hurting yourself, like you said you compare her to the new people you meet.

    Do not contact her unless it’s to bring about something factual rather than emotional. Hearing her voice will make the pain harder and also anticipating her texts, email, phone call is going to hurt you more it also concretes the fact that you two are DONe

    Accept the situation and for what it is; she is no longer a part of your life, talk to friends, family. Re discovers yourself, take a haircut. Do something you always wanted to do.

    I miss my ex boyfriend too but I have known and been with myself for a longer time than I was with him. Therefore I will survive and you can too

    Continue keeping no contact if she loves you she will return SHE DUMPED YOU REMEMBER?

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What Girls Said 4

  • If she wanted to be with you she wouldn't have dumped you.

    Chances are, if you were with her for 6 years for her, this break up was a long time coming. It takes a lot of courage to leave a long term relationship.

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    • Hi thanks for your response. And yes, you've made a good point - I've never thought about that. I think when people see these posts they automatically assume that it's short term relationships of up to a year. In this case, we're talking about six years of my life - I know she misses me, I absolutely know it. We never argued, and were always affectionate. What I've never considered before, is the amount of courage it would have taken her to do what she did. Thankyou.

  • E-mail her but do not say you miss her, that puts you in an emotionally vulnerable position. If you're going to message her, say something that will remind her of a fun time you had together, for example, 'I walked past your favorite restaurant today that we went to and it reminded me of you, I just thought I'd drop you a line to see how you are?' Keep it casual, examples like this remind her of enjoyable times with you, if she asks how you have been, make it sound as though you have been busy ... no girl wants a guy who has been sat moping about. Good luck

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  • I wanted to pour out my emotions to my ex as well. Then I realize I was just wasting my time. If he had cared he wouldn't have broken up with me and the same goes to you. You are just setting up yourself for more emotional pain. Plus the two of you have broken up it isn't the time or place to be pouring out your feelings. You should have done that and showed that while you were in the relationship. She has gone for two months she clearly doesn't want much to do with you.

    There is thing that I goes ''the reason I don't talk to you anymore is because I keep telling myseld that if you wanted to speak to me, you would. '' That is entirely true, you chased her that should tell her how you fell, if she wishes to speak to you, she will.

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    • Thanks for your response, and yes I completely understand your perspective.

  • I say just reach out and keep it simple. You will never know until you try!

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What Guys Said 4

  • Do not contact. If she missed you, she'd have contacted you. Nothing is gained by pouring your heart out to this girl.

    It sucks, and you gotta start working on ways to get over it, but she's gone and not coming back. There's plenty of women out there.

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  • You're just trying to rationalize your situation. You should just heal and move on. If she's there in the future so be it.. but you're just hanging on and hoping.

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  • Sorry to say but she's not coming back anymore. You got to move on.

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  • "should I email her to tell her I miss her? I just want her to know I miss her - that's all."

    NO!

    A thousand times NO.

    "She has had over 60 days now without me in her life, and there is a part of me that wants to know if she misses me too?"

    I can tell you - she doesn't.

    "but there's just this part of me that yearns to tell her I miss her?"

    Resist that part of you with all of your might. That is the same f***ed up part of the brain that makes an abused wife go back to her husband.

    Carry on dating other people - even if you do compare them with your ex. Get out there. Meet people. Start doing fun things. The pain will lessen with time, but it won't lessen as quickly if you're just sitting around moping all the time.

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