Tell my ex I'm seeing someone new?

[maryj420]

so my ex and I had a roller coaster of a relationship for a little over a year. Over this time he broke up with me about 6 times.. but somehow I always took him back. Eventually I realized that we just weren't right for each other and I broke up with him near the end of February.

At first things were fine, but then he started going kind of crazy and telling me that he can't live without me. Its now been several months and about two weeks ago I met someone who I can really see having a relationship with. We have been spending a lot of time together already and we both seem to really like each other. The problem is, my ex is still in love with me. He talks to my sister and tells her that I am the one, and that he wants to get me back.. that he still loves me.

He will text me and ask me if I've slept with anyone else or if I am seeing anybody.. and usually I just kind of avoid the question...

Do you think I should tell my ex that I'm seeing someone new, next time he asks? Or do you think I should wait more time to see if this thing with the new guy develops any further?

I told my ex that I would always be honest with him, but I don't know if he can handle that I have moved on and I'm really into someone new. I don't want to hurt him.. so what should I do? or how can I be honest with him, but not tare him apart?

[BatDoc]

If you have a roller coaster relationship with your ex, then you probably need to find someone else. With that being said, I share my advice with the knowledge that you and your ex are better off as exs than in a relationship.

No matter what happens, whether you tell him or not, two things will happen: 1) he will find out at some point and 2) there's going to be some crazy that will go on.

Whether you tell him now or 10 years from now, it is better that you tell him. If he finds out from someone else, then he is going to call you a liar (and probably much worse). The longer you wait to tell him, the greater the chance he will find out from someone else. So better to tell him sooner rather than later. Also, if you tell him, then it's a silent and very real indicator that you have moved on.

Who cares if what you have with this new guy develops further. You and your ex aren't right for each other.

As for your ex being able to handle that you've moved on is not your worry. He is going to have to process through that on his own. He's going to be hurt, and he's going to be angry, and he's going to say a lot of mean things. The best thing you can do is let him get the anger out. Whatever he calls you, you aren't. He's just saying words because he's angry. Just say I'm sorry you feel that way, but I've moved on.

That's the important part, to reinforce that you've moved on. Don't engage him in any sort of conversation where he tries to explain why you two should be together. Just stop the conversation with I've moved on from you.

Now with all that being said, I have to truly wonder if you have moved on from him or if this new guy is just a place holder. You have to truly have moved on if any other relationship you want to have with someone is going to work.

[orangasing]

human always wants try something different. just think it carefully, bcause based on your story don't make accuse that you still wants her cause he pushed you to do it. you still accept him after 6 x that cause you also in love with him. I don't know if I right or I might be wrong, when you move to someone that guy maybe in the first meeting, of course guy always being nice and that not your real choice. you will be disappointed and want your ex boyfriend after you hurt his feeling then you just decide to move on and you won't be with him anymore, that's your end relationship with your ex.

[Darkfairie17]

I think you should just tell him. Will he be hurt? More than likely, however, over the course of the year that you two were together you broke up 6 times! That's a lot, and that to me shows that you two aren't right for each other. Good relationships have problems, but breaking up 6 times is a huge red flag.

I'm sure he loves you (your ex), but you deserve a stable relationship-and so does he. You two just were not working out. And rather than drag it on for another year of break-ups and reunions, give it a rest and move on.

Just tell him that you honestly are seeing someone else. That you feel you two aren't right for each other since the relationship was so up and down.

He might get angry, but honestly it's for the better.

[CamCarr]

He is your ex. Let him be that and forget about him. He doesn't need to know that you met someone new. There's no reason to tell him unless you plan to be with him again in the future. Just focus on that new person and tell your ex to back off.

Why are you still talking to him the first place? That just makes him think you want him even it's just a little. You really need to cut him out of your life. Tell your sister to stop talking to him and block his number. You obviously had an unhealthy relationship so why would you want him in your life anyway? Let him go.

[notplayin]

I would tell him you are positive your relationship is over and he should move on that there is nothing he can do ato change your mind. Express to him you have moved on and he should to. I would not go into details about dating someone or anything like that seems like it would be throwing salt in the wound and he doesn't need to know all that information it could make him worse.

[eskimo]

If you weren't talking to your ex, I would say just leave it and forget it. However, in your situation, I think it is best to tell him when he brings it up. I think that this is the healthiest thing to do - for you, your ex and your new soon-to-be boyfriend. I think once you tell your ex, he will realize that his chances with you are pretty much over. This will help him move on and you move on from this situation.

Expect some drama though, because the news will probably shock your ex and make him go even crazier for a little bit. He needs to move on at some point and clearly you have already. Have a good talk with him but no need to get into details.

[madhatters4]

I think the best thing to do is just tell him. Most importantly because if you are trying to start a new relationship having a dude texting you in the manner that he does is going to create an issue. Whether the new dude finds out about it and gets mad, or his text just create this mental block for you in getting serious with the new guy the ex needs to know that you've moved on and that his approach is inappopriate.

To be fair to the new guy, the new relationship, your ex and yourself you should tell the ex. If it hurts him it hurts him but lying or simply keeping him in the dark is not the right approach as could only lead to more drama or hurt feelings later on

[why-makoto-kun]

Honestly, he sounds immature (or a user!) for breaking up with you 6 times then crawling back. Drop him, tell him you're seeing someone else if he asks, or just say your dynamic is unhealthy and you need space, and he had his chance. If he eats his heart out as a result, it's not your problem. He doesn't own you.

[fickleheart18]

If he has broken up with you 6 times I believe that he can do it more. Just tell him the truth. If you really like the other guy now take the risk and move on since first of all you promised your ex that you would be honest with him. Also, I think that it's best for him to take the pain once you've told him rather hang onto you.Yes, being honest with him may tear him apart but that's reality. He has to face that and both of you must move on. Anyways, good luck on the new relationship and I hope I made sense. :)

[foxsquirrel]

He should have stood behind one of his 6 break ups with you, look now, you left him once and you are not softening up like he did with you 6 times. I'm sorry for the guy. If your new boy will dump you once and for good I would be happy because you would feel how your ex felt and all this because he wanted you and nobody else.

[wanderer83]

Be straight forward with him so you won't be the bad guy. But chances are, you might always be the bad guy if he isn't understanding of the sutuation. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do

[ABH-french]

You have to be firm. You should tell him. You have to do as much as you can to make him understand that it's over. As long as he's in love with you, he will suffer and annoy you. He doesn't rule your life.

Nobody can avoid the truth.

[honeyltsme]

be honest with him and request that he be honest with you.

[MusicLover246]

Why do you need to tell your ex? I mean he is your ex for a reason and so it's not really any of his business if you are seeing someone new.

[Anonymous]

Yes, tell him.