This may be a stupid question but I am wanting some male input on this. My boyfriend of over a year is on a vacation with 7 of his buddies at a lake in Tennessee. They rented a house for the week and took a boat down to do some skiing and tubing. I like all of his friends and I totally supported him going down even though he missed my birthday. I know service is bad down there so he has been contacting me periodically through fb but the contact has been pretty sporadic at best. I'm okay with that because it's his time to unwind and relax with his buddies. However I have been cheated on by the last 2 guys that I have been in a relationship with, so I am a little uneasy about it, but still supportive. I know that there is a lot of drinking which is fine that's what guys do, but I also know that there are a lot of other people vacationing down there and I'm sure some hot chicks are included in that. I'm not the jealous type, hell I sent my new Maxim with him so they had something to look at on the drive down. I have made it very apparant that if he cheats on me I am done there are no second chances. He has been very sweet in his messages to me but as I said we might only message 1-2 times a day. All of his buddies are either married or in relationships with live in girlfriends. We do not live together as I am not ready for that, I like to be independent. We had a big talk about me trying to plan a future with him before he left he told me that he wants me to start trying to plan a future with him. I am divorced with two children and so is he. I am 32 and he is 30 and I am having issues with the whole independent thing. I don't like to feel needy and when we had the whole "move in" discussion it kind of sent me running. So that is something that I am working on. I love him deeply and I would love to have a future with him but I am terrified of getting hurt again. So this vacation is kind of a test for me, to see if I can try to let my guard down and start planning for the future after he gets back. Sorry for the rambling but my main question is do most men cheat when they go on "mancation's" or do they just enjoy time with the guys. He did tell me last night that they have had some great heart to hearts and that his friends were all talking about how cool I am as his ex wife was a controlling you know what and this is the first time that he has been able to go on a solo vacation in 7 years. Please be honest, I want a guys opinion on this...I know that not all men are the same but I'm just curious what the majority of men would do. Thank you in advance.
Most Helpful Guy
Depends on the guy, and depends on his friends.
I've never really taken a vacation with just the guys, unless I want to argue that business trips are "vacations," which - believe me - they're not.
If I had some time alone, I would probably go SCUBA diving, get certified as an underwater rescuer or photographer, splurge some serious money on some deep sea underwater photography equipment, and take really amazing pictures. That, or I'd just dive in less than 30 meter depths for a few hours a day, and get the nitrogen out of my system before I flew back home.
Now, if I'm with a group of just guys, I'm basically stuck with idiots the whole time. I suppose it's better than being stuck with someone that's always anxious you're going to die. But, I'd be in the uncomfortable position of pretending I'm totally cool with just drinking socially for 12 hours a day and joining in on the conversation to comment how hot every other girl that passes by is. These are male social bonding rituals that I don't have the patience for anymore, and hence, why I've never really been on a guys only vacation.
I agree with shadowscapes. It all comes down to trust. You have to trust your partner. If you don't trust your partner, you both suffer. For example, I watched Man of Steel with my girlfriend yesterday. She wants to go see it again today, but I'm busy today with other things. So, she called up my brother's friend (a guy, let's call him Henry), to go see Man of Steel again. Now, I know Henry likes her in a sexual way. I also know the only reason she's seeing Man of Steel again is because she thinks Henry Cavil is hot. I think Henry Cavil is hot. But I didn't even give it a second thought when she wanted to go see it with Henry.
Why? Because I trust her. We have a relationship of blind trust. It's its own incentive to not do anything funny, because both people are afraid to destroy, ruin, or lose that relationship of blind trust. Think of it like the marriage between game theory and the endowment effect.
Now, I suppose you could have a relationship of zero trust, or only "token" trust, where people had to "earn" trust or else they were presumed guilty or potentially guilty. In that relationship, nothing is really "lost" by doing anything funny. Plus, there are no real benefits of trust until 50 years down the road. So, people are actually more at risk to do something funny in that relationship dynamic, either because they want to see if they can get away with it, out of frustration of feeling controlled or oppressed, or because of resentment towards the dis-trustfulness of their partner.
All you have it trust in a relationship. Without trust, there's no relationship. Trust is the only thing holding two people together voluntarily (i.e., not by financial necessity). So, it's your choice whether you want to presume you have a relationship, or you want to presume you don't have a relationship.0