Do guys cheat when they go on guy only vacations?

[jade81]

This may be a stupid question but I am wanting some male input on this. My boyfriend of over a year is on a vacation with 7 of his buddies at a lake in Tennessee. They rented a house for the week and took a boat down to do some skiing and tubing. I like all of his friends and I totally supported him going down even though he missed my birthday. I know service is bad down there so he has been contacting me periodically through fb but the contact has been pretty sporadic at best. I'm okay with that because it's his time to unwind and relax with his buddies. However I have been cheated on by the last 2 guys that I have been in a relationship with, so I am a little uneasy about it, but still supportive. I know that there is a lot of drinking which is fine that's what guys do, but I also know that there are a lot of other people vacationing down there and I'm sure some hot chicks are included in that. I'm not the jealous type, hell I sent my new Maxim with him so they had something to look at on the drive down. I have made it very apparant that if he cheats on me I am done there are no second chances. He has been very sweet in his messages to me but as I said we might only message 1-2 times a day. All of his buddies are either married or in relationships with live in girlfriends. We do not live together as I am not ready for that, I like to be independent. We had a big talk about me trying to plan a future with him before he left he told me that he wants me to start trying to plan a future with him. I am divorced with two children and so is he. I am 32 and he is 30 and I am having issues with the whole independent thing. I don't like to feel needy and when we had the whole "move in" discussion it kind of sent me running. So that is something that I am working on. I love him deeply and I would love to have a future with him but I am terrified of getting hurt again. So this vacation is kind of a test for me, to see if I can try to let my guard down and start planning for the future after he gets back. Sorry for the rambling but my main question is do most men cheat when they go on "mancation's" or do they just enjoy time with the guys. He did tell me last night that they have had some great heart to hearts and that his friends were all talking about how cool I am as his ex wife was a controlling you know what and this is the first time that he has been able to go on a solo vacation in 7 years. Please be honest, I want a guys opinion on this...I know that not all men are the same but I'm just curious what the majority of men would do. Thank you in advance.

[jdcpa]

Depends on the guy, and depends on his friends.

I've never really taken a vacation with just the guys, unless I want to argue that business trips are "vacations," which - believe me - they're not.

If I had some time alone, I would probably go SCUBA diving, get certified as an underwater rescuer or photographer, splurge some serious money on some deep sea underwater photography equipment, and take really amazing pictures. That, or I'd just dive in less than 30 meter depths for a few hours a day, and get the nitrogen out of my system before I flew back home.

Now, if I'm with a group of just guys, I'm basically stuck with idiots the whole time. I suppose it's better than being stuck with someone that's always anxious you're going to die. But, I'd be in the uncomfortable position of pretending I'm totally cool with just drinking socially for 12 hours a day and joining in on the conversation to comment how hot every other girl that passes by is. These are male social bonding rituals that I don't have the patience for anymore, and hence, why I've never really been on a guys only vacation.

I agree with shadowscapes. It all comes down to trust. You have to trust your partner. If you don't trust your partner, you both suffer. For example, I watched Man of Steel with my girlfriend yesterday. She wants to go see it again today, but I'm busy today with other things. So, she called up my brother's friend (a guy, let's call him Henry), to go see Man of Steel again. Now, I know Henry likes her in a sexual way. I also know the only reason she's seeing Man of Steel again is because she thinks Henry Cavil is hot. I think Henry Cavil is hot. But I didn't even give it a second thought when she wanted to go see it with Henry.

Why? Because I trust her. We have a relationship of blind trust. It's its own incentive to not do anything funny, because both people are afraid to destroy, ruin, or lose that relationship of blind trust. Think of it like the marriage between game theory and the endowment effect.

Now, I suppose you could have a relationship of zero trust, or only "token" trust, where people had to "earn" trust or else they were presumed guilty or potentially guilty. In that relationship, nothing is really "lost" by doing anything funny. Plus, there are no real benefits of trust until 50 years down the road. So, people are actually more at risk to do something funny in that relationship dynamic, either because they want to see if they can get away with it, out of frustration of feeling controlled or oppressed, or because of resentment towards the dis-trustfulness of their partner.

All you have it trust in a relationship. Without trust, there's no relationship. Trust is the only thing holding two people together voluntarily (i.e., not by financial necessity). So, it's your choice whether you want to presume you have a relationship, or you want to presume you don't have a relationship.

[jade81]

Wow...that was straight and to the point thank you very much. Our relationship is very similar to your and your gf's. The atty that did my dissoultion has had a thing for me since I met him and we have became good friends. I put up boundries that he has respected. He met me and some of my gf's out last night for my birthday. I told my boyfriend when he called me and he said "that's okay baby I trust you". I want to give him the same in return. You are right without trust a relationship will not work. Thx!

[jdcpa]

np : )

[Cr33p]

so I recently started a relationship with a friend. He goes on yearly vacations with the guys. Some are married or single. Being a cr33p I went through his phone. I know I know big no no. What I read was worth it. While he didn’t have sex the group of men were with other groups of women. I found it unacceptable and ended the relationship.

[G_GTom]

I think it comes down to the person. Women cheat just as much when no one is around ( probably more ) But oddly enough, if this were a man posting this, women would be laying into him about he's too insecure, he needs to trust his girlfriend, he's a controlling pig, etc.

[Darkfairie17]

Sounds to me like they are just down there having a good time hanging out as buddies and getting some much needed relaxation time.

You are sensitive because you have had guys cheat on your in the past. This is understandable. But I commend you for keeping your cool and letting him go on vacation.

There is no way to know if a guy is going to cheat on your or not, the only thing you can do is trust him. He hasn't done anything to lose your trust yet.

The best thing to do is to communicate with him about your concerns. Talk to him about your past and why you worry. Sounds to me like he really likes you, and so do his buddies which is a really good sign.

Just like women, men need time to unwind and see their friends. Think of it as a girls night out kinda deal. Every guy and his group of friends have their thing. My boyfriend loves to golf, it's his passion. I think it's great he has something he is passionate about. He goes out golfing with his friends all the time, he also likes many other sports.

I enjoy spending time with him, but I know it's important to let him go out and have guy time. That doesn't involve other girls, just spending time with friends. It's probably hard at his age to get some alone time with his buddies as everyone is busy with their life and families.

But I think you are doing a great job to be patient and not go crazy over this. I'm sure he is not cheating on you, and will be eager to see you when he gets home.

[jade81]

Thank you so much. I am really trying not to jump to conclusions tonight. It is their last night so maybe they are just making the best of it. I know we both need time away to relax and unwind and this was a test for myself to see if I am ready to take the next step with him. I am just terrified of getting hurt again. It's awful what cheating does to someone. He hasn't done anything to lose my trust you are right. That is what I need to focus on. Thank you sweetie.

[Suefit1]

I am interested in this question as my Boyfriend goes on trips all the time

[jade81]

Do you worry a little bit when he is gone? I'm not normally like this but I am feeling very vunerable at the moment and I'm not liking it at all. Lol.

[wifeylifey]

mines going to Italy next month with buddies and I am weirded out about it

[Suefit1]

I think he is smart enough to wear protection if he does. I think if I asked him about it he will just deny. I wonder though because he is very attractive and very sexual in nature. I have never brought it up.

[jade81]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I have been fine until tonight. I haven't heard from him since early this morning. I know they were going out on the lake and then to a bar at some point later in the day. I just thought I would have heard something by now. Ugh.

[shadowscapes]

I'll put in these terms. You either trust your man or you don't.

If a man is trustworthy, he could be in another corner of the universe and he still wouldn't cheat.

If a man is not trustworthy, he could cheat within a 5 mile radius whenever he wanted.

[jade81]

That is a great point.. I do trust him which is why I encouraged him to go. I am just scared of getting hurt again. But it's good to know from a guys stand point that not all men will cheat. Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to answer me.

[Anonymous]

I think it's just as likely as you or one of your girl friends doing it. So put you and your friends in their position and ask yourself if anyone would cheat. That would be the answer.

As for if your boyfriend will, I have no idea. I don't know him or his feelings about you or how his friends behave in such a situation.

[jade81]

I know that I wouldn't. My birthday was yesterday and I went out with my girlfriends and had several guys hit on me. I told them I have a boyfriend. We got to talking about him and him being out of town and they all insinuated that he was "having fun". But as far as myself no I would never cheat on him. I know you can't answer it I just was wondering if men typically do that when they go away with the guys. Thank you very much for your input.

[Djay40]

Boys trips are about having a laugh and getting laid. Doesn’t matter if you are married, kids, engaged whatever, that kind of behaviour is rife in boys trips

[SaltandVinegar]

most likely they are just gonna get drunk and talk about hot girls but not actually do anything

[Anonymous]

Usually