I dated a girl for only a month, and she broke up with me. That was three weeks ago, and since then she calls me every day and talks a lot but says she isn't ready for a relationship right now and needs to figure herself out first, she had been acting depressed for a few weeks. Anyway, I am not sure if we will get back together or not, but even though she broke up with me, she still calls me all the time.
Anyway, she told me last week she was making a new resume and cover letter to apply for some new jobs. She also told me this weekend that one of the places she dropped her resume off at on Friday gave her an interview for today at 9 am. That is all she told me about it really, other than the type of place she was applying at (nursing home).
Today at 11 am I got a call from a number I didn't recognize and didn't answer. They didn't leave a voice mail. I google searched the number, and it was a nursing home which was 2 blocks from my ex-girlfriends house. It is a different city than the one I live in, I don't know anyone in a nursing home, and there is no other reason for them to call me. It is also two hours after she told me her interview was. She is at work until later tonight so I can't ask her what is going on. She also never told me she was using me as a reference or asked me if she could.
So is it just me or is really odd that she would list an ex-boyfriend who she broke up with and has only known for 2 months total as a reference? And what should I do? Should I tell the place if they call back that I am not qualified to give a reference for her? I mean beside talking to her on the phone, I only really know her in a dating context, I can't really speak to how she is at work or anything. I also don't think she handled our breakup well and think she is suffering from possible depression, so I don't know what I would answer to some of the questions they asked me. Or should I just ignore the call again if they call back? I am really confused as to why she would list me.
Most Helpful Guy
It's basic common courtesy to inform a person when they are being used as a reference. That way, you can prepare what to say about the person. If she didn't even tell you, that tells a little about her personality as being inconsiderate.
A reference is not just you saying she's great. It is your personal seal of approval (or disapproval) that the person is qualified and a good fit for a job. I have no problem saying what I think about the person in a reference call or letter. If I gave a thumbs up to everyone who asked me for a reference when I didn't think they were awesome, I am putting my own reputation on the line.
Perhaps that's not important if you're not in the same industry as her. But it IS important if you're a professional, like a registered nurse, engineer, doctor...etc. Those circles are small, and repetitive crap references will be spread in office gossip and you'll look the fool.
My suggestion...don't answer it. If she asks if you got a call, simply tell her you don't answer unknown numbers and that she should tell you that you're being used as a reference first.1