Wife's best friend moved in 6 months ago and I'm becoming attracted to her?

I've been married for almost 10 years. 2 years ago we separated for several months and she moved out of state. I followed her and ended up getting a great job so she came back to me. Now we're setup in a huge 5 bedroom house with an ocean view and life is good. Then her best friend, who was also going through a divorce at the same time, finished her divorce and needed to move in since we had room to spare. So, now we've lived the past 6 months with 3 adults and 6 kids total (4 ours, 2 hers) in an ever-bonding family unit. I was not in favor of her moving in, but she literally would be out on the streets and lose her kids to her terrible ex-husband (long story). Everything is going fine. I'm happily married and our relationship is rebounding from the near divorce, slowly. I'm attracted to my wife and we have a great sex life. But, from the day she moved in, there's been a running joke that she's a sister-wife and how we have all the benefits of a plural marriage! Um, well, that's great, but not all. What about mine? OK, now before you run and label me a selfish jackass, I haven't technically done anything wrong! I've never flirted or been inappropriate or "joked" about fantasies, or whatever techniques someone in my position would use to instigate a threesome. There's no reason to think her gorgeous best friend is even attracted to me. She goes out a little and has a light dating sex life, but isn't looking to get married any time soon. She's just happy soaking up the free room and board until the wheels fall off! She's a great roommate, very respectful, and very helpful around the house. So, I'm feeling like a chump, paying her family's rent AND food while she goes back to school and rebuilds her life. Also, this was all my wonderful wife's generosity. I never wanted her here in the first place, but I'm really growing closer to her and her kids! OK, so then you say, "Poor baby, you live with two beautiful women who treat you well and live in paradise! Either get over it or kick her out!" That's what keeps going through my mind, but she really does have a hard-luck story, she's starting college now, and it's within my means to help her, so it's hard to kick her out. But, she's a really cool chick and possibly one of the hottest women around! I'm not falling in love with her or anything because I intentionally don't flirt or talk to her, but how long will she be here? How do I get her out? I'm not her dad, or her husband, but she's co-dependent and will likely stay for a while. So, this situation is only gonna get worse. I haven't brought this up to either of them. Should I? I can't just keep suffering alone. I'm a happily married man that wants to have sex with his wife's best friend! Everything is going perfectly for them. But, I'm struggling and will break at some point and do something stupid. What should I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i mean I think your wife put you in an unfair situation. this whole thing is a little bizarre to be honest. I'm surprised your wife is comfortable with her attractive friend living there; it's like she's testing you or something. I think you should have an honest conversation with your wife. OK, maybe not 100% honest - don't tell her you want to sleep with her best friend or anything! but talk to her about how long she thinks her friend will be there, you paying for everything, etc. be honest that the situation is kind of uncomfortable. it's better to be honest with your wife and prevent a mistake than to make the stupid mistake because you were trying to be a gentleman and just save face. (this is my opinion - I hope it is at least somewhat useful to you. sorry I can't be more helpful.)

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What Girls Said 5

  • Tell your wife you do not feel comfortable having another woman in the house - if she knows you are attracted to her best friend, she will get rid of her because that's not worth losing her marriage over.

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  • Naturally as a human, you want to try new things. This woman and her children are fairly new to the home, once you see someone everyday you become close to them and in that process you can quickly turn a friendship like care into false feelings. Because your telling yourself you have feelings for this women your going to actually develop them. Before its too late, hit reverse and morph those "feelings" back into a friend like care.

    Don't view your wife as the person you've been with for 10 years, maybe try to look at her in new light as is meeting her for the first time.

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  • you need to talk to your wife and give home girl a dead line. shit is not cool. NOT COOL

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  • I think that's big no no

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  • Your wife's best friend needs a deadline to move out

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What Guys Said 1

  • I do not understand something you said..."But, from the day she moved in, there's been a running joke that she's a sister-wife and how we have all the benefits of a plural marriage!" Who is doing this joking and what do they mean by sister-wife and benefits of a plural marriage? If your wife or the friend is doing this, it sounds like there is at least a suggestion that they are not against the idea. If it is someone outside of the house, what kind of reactions do your wife and friend have? Obviously you see that there could be many problems following that path, but some people go there and are okay with it. I think you need to figure out what their thoughts are and if they are against that kind of thing, then that would help you fight the thoughts you are having. If they are for that, then you guys need to figure out if that is a risk you want to take.

    Start first with what I asked... who is saying this and what are the reactions of your wife and her friend. Let that guide you as to whether there is anything to pursue or take it as an answer to avoid everything.

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