With so much contempt for feminism these days, and what is expected on dates with women, it’s important to know that the first few dates are especially important to make your first impression a good one, regardless of your stance on equality.
You’ve asked a girl out, and she said yes! That's great, but now you’re worrying about how to present yourself, what to say, and the dreaded “who’s-going-to-pay” at the end of the night. You don’t want to be ripped off, but you also don’t want to upset your date.
This is mainly for men who want some idea of what a woman who thinks as an egalitarian may expect and appreciate on your first few dates, and what most women in general appreciate.
Before even going out, ask yourself honestly if you are willing to invite and pay for the evening as a treat to her, for agreeing to accept the pleasure of each other’s company. Know your budget and start out small. Coffee, drinks, or a light meal is favoured. A first and second date is usually just simple to talk and get to know each other, and usually only lasts a couple of hours. Don't splurge. If you absolutely cannot afford much, talk to her about it. “I’d love to do something with you, but being a student, I can’t do things other guys can right now. But I can get you a coffee and spend time with you down at the lake so we can talk.” You’d be surprised how many women would accept this, if not prefer it.
If you can pick her up to take her where you want to go, then arrange it. But a lot of women these days who favour some independence might even feel more comfortable to drive to meet you someplace in her own vehicle. Ask her what is easier for her to do. Women sometimes have their minds on fast-forward and wonder about unwanted good-night kisses or to protect the privacy of where they live. We all worry about people we don’t know. So don’t read too much in to things about how you’re going to get to your first-date destination.
Understand who is paying before your date even starts. If your date starts hinting that after drinks they want to head to the stadium to see if there are tickets left for a NHL game, you can decline. You can say, “Maybe another time, I want tonight to spend just talking to you and keeping things light.” But before all that, communication is the key to every good relationship, and if your first date starts out with games and trying to hide how you feel, you’re not out to a great start. Today, women understand that things can be expensive. You can make it as casual as you want at first by saying, “I want to take you out but are you okay with splitting things since this is our first time out together? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable thinking there’s expectations from me later on." What can a girl say to that? She will respect that you are taking things slow on the first date. Both of you will know at the end of the night if you’re worth spoiling each other next time.
Don’t be afraid of romance. Romance has nothing to do with equality or gender-approving on either side. Both men and women can show displays of affection or flirt and if your date is interested, these things will make them feel attractive. What does romance mean to you? It doesn’t always mean to buy flowers. It can mean anything your creative mind wants to think it means, and for women – the more creative and unpredictable you can be to charm them, the better.
Have some manners. Opening doors is something nice people do. As much as it’s intertwined with chivalry, today it has less to do with her being a woman and opening her own door. You’ve asked a woman out to impress her and hopefully get a second date. Being considerate for things like this will be noticed.
Compliment her. Guys often question if they should give a compliment because women have made miserable signs that compliments can seem unwanted. Yes – they can be if they guy giving them is not someone she wishes to spend time with. But not you. You're on your date now. She’s already agreed to be out with you and is now sitting across from you. Are you going to sit there treating her like one of the guys, or will you let her know you find her amazing and give her compliments such as, “I love the way you laugh,” or, “I love the way you think,” these are not full-blown come-ons but can still make her feel sweet.
Ask her questions. Sometimes people get lost in nervous chit chat and tend to fall on a safety net of conversation that involves only themselves. If you don’t ask her anything about her and let her talk, she’ll feel as if she doesn’t matter. Women find it more attractive that you seemed to care enough to ask. It shows that you do value who she is.
People who are interested in other people, are interesting to those people.
–Hugh Prather
Don’t talk about the ex. This goes for men and women. Your date wants to feel like the new special person in your life for the moment. As victimized as you might have felt from your last relationship, women don’t think, “Wow, poor guy, to think she didn’t work for over a year and took the dog when they broke up!” Instead, she’s thinking, “When is he going to get over her? He has brought her up five times.” And even more forgiving women will think, “I get that she’s a bitch, but when is tonight going to be about us?”
Don’t talk about your money. If you feel that you don’t know where you stand with your date when it comes to how much you make or what you spend your money on, then don’t make it an issue. Men that have been burned after being taken for a ride by women in the past are often the ones who guard their finances so jealously that even being asked a casual question like, “So what do you do for a living?” will seem like a threat, as if the woman has an agenda. Relax. It’s usually just a question, and for women it’s one more thing to get to know about you.
If etiquette does interest you, and you want to know why a guy walks on the side of traffic or why he pulls a chair out for a woman, there is a history to our etiquette here:
Amazing Origins 15 Etiquette Rules
Liberated women are not opposed to being treated nicely, and enjoy just as much attention to feel feminine and appreciated as any other woman. It’s okay to confide your concerns with today’s expectations. And since every woman is different, just learning where she stands is all you really need to know. It’s that sort of communication and respect, along with some good old fashioned attraction she has for you that will have her wanting that second date, and maybe more.
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