I know you don’t hate me, but I do know what you hate about me...
I know you hate that you have no power over me.
You can send me as many messages while you’re drunk as you want. You can try to manipulate me into feeling sorry for you. You can constantly come over to my house to hang out with my roommate. What you do not have the ability to do is force me to want you or to make me feel inferior. What you have failed to realize was thinking that your words meant something to me. You don’t realize that I was done so long ago and was waiting for my way out.
I know you hate how independent I am & that I don't need you.
I don’t need someone by my side, I never have. You didn’t know how to give me my space. You clung on to me the second I gave you an ounce of attention, and you don’t know how unattractive that is. You texted me sad messages while you were drunk of how you were alone and needed a girlfriend. I did not ONCE do that to you, because I have dignity. I don’t need anything that you have to offer. Not your attention, your friendship, or the things you did for me. If I only knew that you kept tabs, I wouldn’t have talked to you in the first place.
I know you hate that I respect myself.
You tried to make me hate myself, you really did. But you don’t know the blood that courses through my veins. You cannot even fathom the respect that I have for my mind and my body. You cannot put me down for the sexual relations that I had with others because that was my choice and I know myself more than you. I know what I can handle and I know how to take care of my spirit. I never made myself feel bad for the experiences that I have shared with others, so you have no right to do that either.
I know you hate that I’m more intelligent than you are.
I used to think you were quiet because you were more of a thinker. I didn’t realize that you are a blank slate. You have nothing to say unless you’re drunk, and whenever you do drink, you only find ways to either manipulate or hurt me. You had nothing to say when I discussed current events, politics, music, or any other topics. You tried to use me as your voice because you didn’t have the cognitive ability to use your own.
I know you hate that you do not understand who I am.
You’re talking to an independent woman that loves herself, even her flaws. You’re talking to someone that loves others and is careful with her words. You’re talking to someone that loves to learn things and travel. You’re talking to someone that has experienced pain and loss many times in her short life. You are talking to someone that has learned to build herself up without the help of others. You are talking to someone that is comfortable in her own skin and does not listen to the voices that tell her that she should think less of herself.
So next time you want to say, “I hate you, but I want to fuck you.” Remember who you’re talking to.
I’m sorry you couldn’t break me. I suppose you’ll have to try with someone else.