Dating Your Friend's Ex: My story!

[Anonymous]

Let's start at the beginning with the my friend, I'll call her Jane* My father and her's were friends before I was born so I was basically forced to be around this girl I didn't really like but It was okay because she basically ignored me. When she was 18 she started dating James* It lasted three years and they were the couple that alwayss faught. On and off, on and off again. She was the drunk girl screaming at him in front of everyone that he needed to pay more attention to her, he was the embarrised guy waiting for her to calm down enought to let him drive her home.

I was the girl she complained to about him. I only really got to know James* after they broke up so I took her words blindly.

Eventually he dumped her. A month later he was at my place working on my dad's car, I was the only one home and it was going to take a few days of him coming over. We started talking more and more, after a week I kissed him. A month later... He asked me to be his girlfriend.

When Stella* found out she freaked, she told people he was only with me for my virginity (I'm 17, he's 23) she told people he cheated on her with me and that I had a smoking problem. All lies... Lies my parents even ended up hearing but I was lucky, they trust me enough to know what's true and what's not.

I'm one of the lucky girls, my relationship is going strong and I had the will power to stand up to his ex. For any other girls out there in this situation think it through before you do anything. Make sure you're willing to deal with the possible loss of a friend, backstabbing and an uphill battle to gain the respect of some close minded people.

If he's worth it though then do it! Go for the guy and make yourself happy because you deserve it.

[LittleSally]

I get what you're saying... but I love my friends too much to do that to any of them.
It seems it just turns into what's more important to you: friends of a boyfriend.

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[LittleSally]

*or a boyfriend

[Jayded1]

If he is 23 and dating a 17 year old, I am afraid he isn't the great guy you think he is.

[dartmaul15]

suspciously high age gap, yeah...

[Jayded1]

@dartmaul15 The number doesn't even bother me, like 22-28 or 28-34, whatever, 6 years is nothing, but the 17-23 is a world of difference. Sick

[dartmaul15]

yeah. Relative age difference, and crossing certain limits. Like if she's under 18, it's creepy by defaul if he's over 20.

[asiag299]

I will never understand why dating an ex is a big deal like I wouldn't care the only time I would see it as crossing the line is if she's your sister or your friend actually married the guy or if kids are involved other than that I'd probably tell my friend to stop being so sensitive. Wy should I lose out on my chance at happiness just because he was my friend's ex? Good thing for me is none of my friend group feel this way we just want each other to be happy and if being with an ex does that then why judge you know. I'm not going to keep someone from being happy with an ex who is an ex for a reason. It didn't work out fur us doesn't mean it can't work out for them. I just don't want to be involved with the relationship. Not because it would hurt but because I don't want her running to me about how to fix a problem in their relationship you know. Don't care if they date though and it wouldn't bother me to be around them. My girlfriends aren't petty about the ex thing thank goodness :)

[SilenRose]

Wait, so you disagree if a child is involved? Like a child was created from the relationship? Also only if they got married as well? If you're okay with the dating then why draw the line at marriage?

[asiag299]

@SilenRose Yeah I definitely don't want to get involved if they are children who resulted from their past relationship. I guess I draw the line at marriage because it's more sacred then say a regular relationship i mean you change last names, get joint accounts like it's so much and honestly dating my friends ex husband would be weird considering the fact that our last name would most likely be the same since wives rarely change back to their maiden name. It's just weird to think that at one point he was married to her and promising her wonderful life until death do you part. I feel like you share so many things in marriage and I just don't want the drama that can come with that. Plus I think it would hurt my friend really bad like who wants to see someone who they married with the intentions of building a life together and loving each other until the end with their best friend. Most likely making the same promises and what if they get married and it lasts. Talk about awkward.

[asiag299]

@SilenRose Children are a touchy subject because if I'm best friends with them then I'm going to be apart of the child's life mostly because I love kids. I just don't want them to feel betrayed by me if I suddenly started to date their father or something children or fragile. I'm sure a teen wouldn't care but by then I'd probably be old and with someone else. I don't want them to think that I'm the cause of their parents not being together. Plus whenever children are involved the situation gets that much more complicated. At least in cases like this.

[SilenRose]

Oh okay. I got'cha. Great explanations.

[SilenRose]

I won't talk about the age difference since another user mentioned it but based on your myTake it seems like you guys weren't really that good of friends anyway.

I wouldn't date a friend's ex. Especially if the two still keep in contact. It's to weird.

[RationalLioness]

1) You switched names from Jane to Stella.

2) She wasn't your friend so I wouldn't consider this as an act of disrespect. But I do think it's wrong if you're good friends with someone to date their ex without seeing if they're okay with it first.

Yes, they are both single but it's about respect for me and I wouldn't like that done to me.

I also immediately remove any interest from guys that friends have "staked claims" on. That might be me though.

[Chief16]

Sigh. I usually leave girls who break up recently alone. And you should especially leave guys who break up alone. For a year at least. It stings, if your ex finds someone within a month after you. It shows insincerity somewhat even.

[iamthefourthdoor]

I thought you said your friend never liked you to begin with? I'm glad that you are still with him but I hope you waited a while to have sex with him so you could be able to see his true intentions

[myTake Owner]

She didn't value me as a close friends, I was her "backup" We waited.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I wouldn't date a friend's ex either. I think it's bad enough one of my friends is friends with a girl I dated who I was just a rebound to. At least my friend knows to hang out with her separate from me.

[Anonymous]

Are Stella and Jane the same person? (Was one of those a typo?) The story would make more sense that way anyway...

[Opinion Owner]

Anyway good luck with things.

[nathaliaa]

I got lost in that one but then I assumed it was the same person Jane? Lol

[Opinion Owner]

@nathaliaa Yeah I think she's using pseudonyms for these people, she might have accidentally used the real name in one of instances, or just forgot about changing which pseudonym she was using or something.

[apple24]

Sorry! But friends are forever!

[Anonymous]

So, is your boyfriend's ex Stella or Jane?

[myTake Owner]

Woops. I did make a boo-boo there lol