What is wrong with females being "too selective" when it comes to relationships?

[Anonymous]

I am a 21 year old female. All my life (I make myself sound so old) I've been told by colleagues and family members that I am too picky when it comes to finding a SO. Anytime I would worry with a friend about my "single status" they would always imply to not worry/expect to remain in this predicament due to being too picky. Okay, I don't know whether I should take their advice or listen to my little gut. I am sure I am not the only female in this situation. I am sure you ladies, probably even patient gents, are questioned at family events regarding your relationship status and are either complimented/questioned in the process. I believe it is due to our morals/standards/sixth sense when it comes to this touchy subject. I mean, why settle for anyone? People would tell me "I think the problem is you will not just pick ANYONE." Well, why the heck would I? There have even been people online that told me the reason I am single is because I tend to go for people "above my league" and remain alone due to shutting down the ones in my league. I find that to be offensive in a way, yet I ponder their judgement. Been considered stuck up and the online community attacks me when I post questions like these, when I am considered the judgmental female with a shitty personality. Really now? Okay peeps, go light on me here, we are all in this together 😬

[kaylaS91]

There's nothing wrong with females being selective. No such thing as 'too selective'. No one should ever have to settle and be with someone who they don't feel is right for them because of external pressures to do so.

The only thing wrong with being selective and the main group of people who hold that belief are the guys who get rejected or 'never get a chance'. We've got a ton of them posting rants on here.. they choose to direct their focus and energy to bitching and being bitter towards the girls who reject them and men who do get female attention for whatever reason instead of just trying to 'fix' the actual problem and improve themselves. Make a 'better catch' of themselves.

[Pyrofox]

I'd say your not being you and that's the turn off I think. But that's coming from a guy dating a 20 yr old lol. But that's what I get told to do and what my girlfriend loves about me is that I'm goofy in my own quirky way. Just express yourself differently if one way doesn't work try another

[Rloco]

It really depends on what way you're selective. I will only pursue someone I have an immediate strong connection with. This has lead to me dating only one girl for about2 months. I can't see myself pursuing someone I'm not compatible and don't have chemistry with no matter what she looks like. Now if you are selective based on looks that's another story. While people will call you shallow you have to ask yourself what's important to you. While I don't agree looks are the most important I respect that. Also since that's what I usually hear women talk about (a guys looks) I now feel like I'm not good enough and like women won't be interested.

[myTake Owner]

That indicates the way you feel about yourself. If you want to feel confident in the way you look, try some self improvement. I was insecure and changed my way of eating. I use a food journal along with exercising regularly, for the exception of this week since it is Christmas lol. If you are confident in your looks and are not getting anywhere, you may need to get some advice from a relative/friend and they may be able to tell you where you are going wrong.

[Steelhoof]

Being selective is part of being human. We enjoy being able to have control over what we surround ourselves with. But keep in mind that life is a collaboration between everyone. Everything is connected. So if you're really picky, not only does that severely limit your possible pool of companions, but that means you're joining a crowd of people who may be equally as picky as you. I would suggest lowering your standards/being less picky. Not settling for what you don't find attractive, but maybe explore the potential partners in the 'tier' below the one you pursue. You might be surprised with what you find.

[Intraluminal]

There are several issues at play.

First, dating is not marrying or having sex, but only through dating can we learn enough about our gender of choice. How they act, what they like, what they're about generally. By being too selective in your dating choice you are failing to learn those lessons.

Secondly, people are not something that can be summed up in by looking at their profile. They have (yes, even men) some ineffable qualities that you can only understand by taking the time to know them. Sometimes those are the very qualities that make them the perfect person - for you.

Thirdly, your "value" is not determined solely by you. It is also determined in part by your biology and by society, so if your friends feel you are misjudging your worth, (which is what they mean when they say "league") then you probably are.

[WickedImpudence]

In the words of Cher from the classic Clueless: "You know how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet!" Too many people settle because they're afraid of being alone. I'd personally rather be alone than in a shitty relationship. People can think what they want about that.

[ArtDent]

The people in your life who are telling you that you are too picky are saying that you aren't good enough to get the quality you seek.

On one hand, they don't decide what you want, you do.

On the other hand, nobody knows better what you have to offer than the people who see you the most

[myTake Owner]

That may sadly be the truth

[Moose2coolvargas]

Come on, your pushing the envelope by being to selective... what is the image you have in your head is 'just an illusion?' . someone told me that on here after I put all out there on the table and told them how I felt, like saying my feelings aren't real... how could anybody know that?

[Bluemax]

No one should be with someone they aren't attracted to. I believe you should stick to your guns about being selective.

It might also be worth considering that you can try some self improvement in the down time.

[myTake Owner]

I exercise regularly and changed my diet recently as best to my ability. I'm getting there.

[Bluemax]

Awesome! I wish you well.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks

[Anonymous]

Well do you ever complain about not having a boyfriend or anything like that? Remember just because a guy becomes good enough for you doesn't mean you'll end up dating because you might not be good enough for him. Some people want super model looking people that have great careers but they themselves are not very physically healthy or have crappy jobs. They think they deserve to be with someone who has qualities that they themselves lack.

[myTake Owner]

First off, you have no idea what I look like. What makes you think I'm ugly or am poor? It depends on who we are referring to.

[Opinion Owner]

I was saying "you" in a general sense. I just see a lot of girls that demand a whole lot from men who themselves don't really bring much to the table. I'm not making a remark on your specific looks or career.

[myTake Owner]

Well now I assume you were generalizing. Some girls are just extremely choosy I assume.

[AndrewTroy]

I think the issue is if you knock people out of the running too early, before you know whether or not they should be knocked out.

Other than that, I mean, sure, you might end up without anyone. But, does that matter to you?

[myTake Owner]

I guess ending up alone isn't a big priority depending on who you ask

[Bandit74]

Nobody cares as long as we don't have to listen to you whine if the guys you want are either taken or just not interested in you.

[myTake Owner]

You think that's my reality huh?

[Kirah]

There is nothing wrong with being selective, just don't complain about not being able to find anyone who meets your ridiculous standards.

[Ihav2fart]

There isn't anything wrong with being selective. Why settle for less?

[myTake Owner]

Clearly if you're ugly like me you're better off alone

[Ihav2fart]

Lol you're ugly cause yu say you are

[myTake Owner]

Ok I'm purple and my hair is pink and sparkles in the light.

[stevethepervert]

It is simple, you are not picky, you just have not found or been found by the right person yet.

[JSmuve]

I suppose it all depends on what your selection criteria are, whether you bring comparable attributes to the table, and what you consider "settling" to entail.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with it, nor is there anything wrong with men being "too selective". It cuts both ways.

[StickStickity13]

My opinion on this is just give people a shot. Give them a date or 2, if you get along, give them more dates. If you never date you'll never REALLY know what you want. Dating never hurt anyone.

[idkwtftoputhere]

because guys will have to work harder to get laid lol

[Anonymous]

Nothing, as long as women stop being so angry that men don't want fat.

[myTake Owner]

What makes you think I'm fat?

[Opinion Owner]

I never said YOU were.
But females in general piss and moan about men having preferences and the major one being that fat is gross. So females start campaigns to try and force men to accept fat as "beautiful" when it isn't.
Men have a preference and it is generally that fat is nasty...
Women have preferences... which include wealth, power, age, height, looks, job, sexual longevity, penis size, & skin color.
So as long as women can deal with our one criteria, then you can have yours.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I know men tend to have a problem with fat women, they had a survey on that. When people meet someone online from a dating site in person, women tend to fear that they may be a serial killer in disguise. Men fear the women will be fat 😬 Funny you mention that.

[Opinion Owner]

The "fear" women have about men being murders or something vile is all hyped up bullshit anti-male propaganda. The majority of males on the planet are completely safe. The irrational fear women have of men would be like if men believed that all women are essentially going to trick them into pregnancy so they could take their money, you know because some do.

Nowhere did I say men would "fear" women being fat. We simply don't want to date them.

[myTake Owner]

Still kind of sounds like a phobia to me😬

[Opinion Owner]

Ahh the old personal attack response.
Thanks for playing, you lose.

[myTake Owner]

😝 😝

[Entity]

What exactly is your criteria?

[Anonymous]

oooo oooo PICK ME PICK ME LOOOOOOOOL. :D :D