Being too picky with girls Part 2

[apexalpha]

How do I find the right one suited to me when each human is a unique individual and there is a pool of 3.5 billion females roaming this planet? It’s not like a jigsaw where it’s easy to fit the pieces from the outwardly shape. You both might be hippies but hippies are also individuals when you peel the layers.

This is one of those questions that you can ponder from different angles, trying to get your head around it, comparing the pros and cons, and still not be able to arrive at a perfectly sound answer. And if you dig philosophically you might find yourself in a maze without an exit.

Lets look at a case where you are in the dating scene and got the phone number for...

A) A boring but stable girl a homely nice next door neighbour type of girl.

B) An interesting but unreliable girl you don`t know you what’s going happen next with her you can come back from work to hear a voice mail saying to pick her up at the police station or at the ED in hospital.

In that case the question loses its inherent ambiguity. My instant answer, at least in my own head, is "Neither one sounds good." After all, why would you want to go out with someone who you're already perceiveing as boring? And, as for the other one, if you're picking up signs of unpredictability and being all over the place so early on, what's up? Why not look for someone who's safe, nice, exciting and interesting?

In other words…Why settle?

Being a compromising and settling person is a must for a successful guy.
You would have to be if you are for example in business of selling cars if you not going to lower the price a bit you will have most customers walking away from the pitch. So it’s a must have quality generally in life.

"Time is like a sword if you don`t cut with it will cut you"

But with finding the right romantic relationship, it's different. When people compromise their standards, they do so because of loneliness (e.g. "I really want to be with someone"), time pressure (e.g. "I'm getting older, and time is not my friend"), and opportunity cost (e.g. "If I say 'No' to this one, I may not be able to find someone better.") It comes down to fear: the fear of being lonely, the fear of running out of time, and the fear of missing out on an opportunity. And then it's no longer about who I'm dating, but it becomes about what I stand to lose. Dating takes on the feeling of a chore.

You are cutting your losses sort of speaking…

So who is my miss perfect?

It can be difficult to pin down because a lot of times we don't even take the time to ask ourselves what we really want.

We all don't want to be perceived as shallow and materialistic…

A lot of times people don't like thinking about the physical qualities. "I don't want to be shallow." But physical attractiveness is not just about looks, it's about how the person is coming across. If the person's nice but there's no attraction, well, they might make for a really nice friend, but it wouldn't be fair to you or to them to pretend you're feeling it.

Being picky is not just about the initial asking out part, it's about the entire process of getting to know someone. And that's why being aware of former patterns in relationships comes in. If in the past I used to date people who had a quick temper, then let me make sure this time that this person doesn't show signs of being curt or easily angered.

To summarise part 2…

Finding the perfect person for you is an inward and outward journey you are the driver and passenger at the same time. You would have to understand yourself really well building on all the experiences you had and to arrive at your perfect type. See it like a Ph.D. where someone has done 4 years of hard work to arrive at a single answer for a scientific question.
You owe it yourself to know what you want so you can get the most out of a relationship...

P.s. stay in tuned for part3 !

[Bluemax]

"Lets look at a case where you are in the dating scene and got the phone number for...

A) A boring but stable girl a homely nice next door neighbour type of girl.

B) An interesting but unreliable girl you don`t know you what’s going happen next with her you can come back from work to hear a voice mail saying to pick her up at the police station or at the ED in hospital."

I would vote option C, chuck both numbers and find a girl you are attracted to who reciprocates. In going for someone you are not into, you greatly risk hurting another human being.

Apexalpha, you have a private profile so I don't know if you are in a relationship or not. If you are, let me ask you if you, does she make your skin crawl? Do you get in bed with her and think, "Wow. I'm so not attracted to this person. Climbing in bed with her is a chore?" Do you recommend people do this?

Here's my take home message. If you aren't attracted to someone, DON'T GET ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH THEM. If you befriend them and later become attracted to them (and this occasionally happens) then go right ahead. However, I've seen the results of people who date people they aren't attracted to and the results aren't good for everyone involved.

[apexalpha]

bluemax I agree with you the option c or as I put it neither one is good and you shouldn't settle but you have to know from past experiences what specifically you want or what is your type. And I m personally not in a relationship because I haven't found my type

[Falling4UTC]

I like pickiness. At first I used to be ashamed for it, but then I thought "you know what, if I want this person the most why should I settle for someone else?" It is like saying "I want to be the happiest person, but people might think I am striving to high so I should just kind of be happy." No, you be happy. You go get the person YOU want, because out of all of the billions of people in this world, you can only have one in the end.

[Kiran04]

Pickiness should only go as far as A) can she hold a successful, faithful relationship and B) can I stand being around her all the time (looks and personality included). Granted, that counts out A LOT of girls. Tons of girls are incapable of even hold a successful relationship, and finding one your attracted to out of that minority is an even bigger miracle, but don't nit pick over petty details. Find the important parts, because they're what matter and they're the ones that are really hard to find.

[PiuBelloAmante]

Great stuff bro, when looking for a relationship their is a definite balance to be made
You can't be standardless and you can't be too picky

I think when you are looking for the "one" you gotta be Selective

[apexalpha]

yeah exactly you got to get the balance right

[PiuBelloAmante]

More bros need to read this

[apexalpha]

yeah definitely

[HappyToBeAlive]

everyone has their own tastes. pickyness is cool

[apexalpha]

You got to know for certain what is your type

[ArabianPwincess197]

Interesting -the same can be applied for guys

[apexalpha]

Yeah with small changes

[ArabianPwincess197]

okay