Newsflash: The Dating Game is all Based on a Value System

Dating and relationships in general is based on value. People assign values to each other and how we perceive whether someone is on our level or higher based on behavior, wealth, looks, social status; we do this with materialistic objects so why not people.

For men most value is placed on a woman's looks and personality. While for women most value is placed on the man's looks, social status and money. Now, it should be noted that each person's value in another person depends on what they are looking for at this time in their life or at that instance.

For the above values I've mention this applies to relationships and not hookups/flings. For hookups, both men and women often always prioritize looks and will be forgiving of a shitty/lame personality if the person is hot but it should be noted that social status (for bragging purposes) also is a factor in hookup culture.

In addition, as mention a person's priority is dependent on what they are looking for at the time and can be separated into two market values (sexual market value and relationship market value). For sex men are willing to get with a women who is not on his level for easy access to sex.

Example a 5/10 female getting with a 8/10 male

While for relationships women are willing to forgive on looks but not on income and personality.

My one night stands were with HOT men; men that I would have considered out of my league... When it came to hooking up, my partners prerequisite were higher; at least superficially, than those I deemed necessary in a man I was dating. Seems weird to see that admission in type but quite frankly my criteria for a man I had a one night stand with were all superficially higher; looks, swag, attitude, dress, etc. When dating, the qualities in the men I sought dealt more with depth of character and intellect. Source:


1. Women not being attracted to Nice guys

Women are hypergamous meaning they only want to get with a man they deem better than them. When a nice guy meets a woman he often tends to use niceness to try and win her over and show to her that she is special but this does not translate to the female brain as such.

Before having sex a woman perceives a man doing nice things for her as him trying to bargain with her on why she should give him a chance. Obviously if your bargaining with someone the person who you come to has the higher ground and therefore higher perceived value. Thus, a woman in such situation will reject the nice guy advances because hypergamy dictates you must be better than her to get those panties.

The only case this does not hold true is when there is such a large contrast in looks, social status, money in the man's favor that him being nice does not hurt his chances with the woman. The reason for this is because he has enough self evident things that shows he is a catch/better that the woman perceives him being nice comes from a place of generosity rather than a place of sucking up in the female's minds. Such men women often refer to as GOOD MEN.

Thus, the reason nice guys fail is because women perceive kind acts as a way of sucking up rather than actual being nice to them (this is before sex). After sex the woman has given her investment and if a man continues to be kind to her then she considers it just that because she believes the man has gotten what he wanted from her yet still persist with kind gesture so he must really be a nice person to her.

2. Hot and Ugly couple pairing.

Now this phenomenon often comes about for many reasons but i'll a couple of the main ones how these pairing often come to be:

1) Control and power dynamic in relationship.

Remember relationships pairing both people may not necessarily have equal value in them as one might be admire while the other is worshiped. Many men and women pick uglier mates because they believe they would be more loyal to them and appreciate them more compared to people on their level or above.

2) The uglier person has high value in their eyes.

Again when it comes to relationships people tend to place different stocks in things outside of looks. For some it's personality and others money and social status. If said person is high in this aspect many people are willing to be with them even if they are several points below them in looks. And we can actual see this with skin color too. In many cultures white skin is ideal for beauty and people are willing to date another person who is lower than them in looks because they are white.

3) Ugly duck syndrome.

Many men and women did not get attention in their youth for whatever reason and got better in shape,increase their worth later in life but are unaware of their increase value. Some may have been lonely for a long time and latch onto the first person that show them interest, others stick with the BF/GF that were with them before they looked better.

4) Playing on insecurities.

Many women and men are insecure with self esteem issues and people who are skilled in picking on these insecurities are capable of making the people feel they are of lower value to them and they are better than them. Thus, that person gets in their head and if this person offers to go out with them that this is the best they can get even.

We see this plenty of times where less attractive men play on women's insecurities about their appearance in a numerous way and end up getting the girl to fuck him compared to a much better looking guy who compliments her.

3. Entitlement, and people constantly getting played and used by others

For a lot of people they often over reach on the mate they can get when it comes to superficial, and materialistic aspects particularly women. Thanks to social media and sites like gag many women have a high perception of themselves.and often over rate their value. Many men are willing to lower on looks if it makes it easier to get sex from a girl. So what happens when girls over inflate the guy they should be with and men of high value are willing to sleep with them for ONS or a little fling. The result is women think they can get these men for relationship and chase them for a long time in their youth in dead end relationship until they finally wake up and grudgingly get with men around their level.

Some however, do not and end up being bitter, old cat ladies with a jaded view on relationship, well into their 30's. Some even after with the fading of their looks still expect to be treated like a princess by men.

Similarly many men over inflate their value on the type of person they can get with and end up single for years but for the most part men tend to have realistic expectation of the type of girl they can be with. We see more entitlement with older men who believe their increase wealth, social status due to moving up in the world should entitle them to hot GF/Wife in her 20's.

Now while an increase in wealth, money will improve your attractiveness what many men fail to do is they neglect to maintaining their physical health and end up ball and chubby/fat older men. So the increase in money, status is offset by decrease in physical attractiveness unless of course your really rich and some men get frustrated that their standings have not improve even after making money.

However, for some men they are able to get younger women but what these men fail to realize is that the woman who show interest more often are just under cover gold diggers who loyalty are wavering and if a more successful man comes along willing to commit to her she will drop him real fast. So they are being used for their money.

4. Change in Preference later in life

Now again dating is about value and that value of what you think about another person is based on what your looking for at the time. People in their youth tend to prioritize fun, sex, and looks more so than personality, good morals, values and things on deeper level that would make a relationship last.

It's about fun and exploring.

It's for this reason that many men and women in their youth if asked why they wouldn't give a person a chance at dating them will give the excuse that they can't because they need to be physically attracted to them and they aren't but fast forward maybe 5-10 years later and this person is good enough for you now.

The physical attraction EXCUSE and inability to date someone for a lot of cases is a lie. It's not that you can't date them or you aren't physically attracted to them but rather that their value in the hookup culture that you want to explore and have some fun in is low.However, if your looking for a LTR and something serious and they are high in traits like personality,money and/or status that you are looking for in a partner their value switches over into being high to you. It's market switch basically. In one market and period in time a person is considered low in value but switch over into another market and they are high.

However, a big chunk of the time, people start lowering on he superficial and giving people a chance later in life who they otherwise wouldn't is because they are aware of their decrease value in SMV (Sexual market value) and RMV (Relationship market value) if even on a subconscious level and fear of ending up being alone.

As you get older from a biological perspective you become less viable for reproduction. DNA degradation in your gametes increases and birth defect occurring in a child you may have goes up with age. In generally dating, and what people look for is heavily tied to the children. Women care about social status and money because this helps improve the suitability of their child, as well as, height for protection. Men care about looks, and youthfulness because men want young, healthy kids and option of having many children. As a woman ages the child has greater chance of conceiving will have birth defects, still births/abortion occurring and a smaller window for having children due to menopause.

So people on a subconscious level are aware of their decrease looks and with their value going down they believe they are no longer entitled to being as picky as before.


Many people who are open to dating other races or having less superficial requirements often have double standards for these people. We see this particularly with black men and women who date interracial. Many non-black women for example will only give a black guy a chance if he is very rich and/or masculine (tall, muscular, nice above average face) a chance at dating her. While of another race her standards for being with him would not be as high. Similar thing can be said with black women where a black woman is only considered attractive and given a chance to non-black men if she is exceptional attractive but an average black girl would not be considered.

Similar effect can be seen if a person is not that physically attractive whether it's too short, not pretty face but they need to do it with non-materialistic means such as wealth,status etc.



Most Helpful Girl

  • Never quite understood why so many GaG guys think women are obsessed with social status and money. Gee I wonder how poor, broke ass, really average looking uni students get laid or girlfriends without a problem. 😐

    Never in my life has me or any of my friends considered how rich the guy we're into is or what kind of social status he has.

    • I wondered the same thing with fund managers whose objective was to make money for the multi-billion dollar fund they were managing, and yet invested a good chunk of change in "research and development" biotech companies that had "zero" sales and "negative cash flow." What the hell were these fund managers thinking? Isn't their objective to make money? (in October of 2011, the FDA approved Cialis for erectile dysfunction; whoever invested in ISIS Pharama. early on became a millionaire overnight).

      o. O

      That's why college guys get pussy. Not ugly, not socially awkward, pre-law or pre-med, over a 3.5 GPA? You getting pussy in college. Don't need to own a house or have a six figure salary just yet. There's a strong "probability" that "investors" who "buy" early on while the stock is still priced low can "lock in" the "higher value" in the future.

      So, that's why.

    • Show All
    • That's all interesting, and not dismissing it, but again, we're getting side tracked and not responding to the issue of financial and social status and the admittedly undeniable value that women place on it when it comes to male partner selection.

      Prostitues are not preferable or a substitute. It was only an analogy to illustrate what effect an uneven divorce system would have in divorce filings if a man can divorce his wife but retain "some" of the benefits of her companionship, whereas the ex wife must continue to provide those benefits to her ex husband even though she receives nothing in return after the divorce. That was the only purpose of that illustrative analogy. What you're trying to twist it into is beyond the scope of why the analogy was offered.

    • Regardless, the issue of divorces was not even the main topic at hand. The divorce thread was also besides the point. The main issue is whether or not financial and social status has some statistically significant positive effect on women when it comes to selecting or preferring one male partner over another.

      I've cited five different research studies (one of which was multicultural and removed Western or European bias), (one which tested only college women), and (one which tested women of varying socioeconomic statuses to remove any "middle class" bias). All studies came to the same conclusion. These are peer reviewed and highly cited authorities.

      I'm open to hearing a rebuttal with similar authoritative support, but I would also respectfully settle for a graceful and genuine admission. It's nothing to be ashamed about. It's natural.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Several studies have concluded that it women tend to view dating emotionally, where men view it logically. Men selecting women based on appearance, intelligence, etc. is actually very logical: they are seeking traits to pass onto their children. Women however, often choose mates based on feelings. That's why so many women get with bad boys, that may not be all that successful, intelligent, or even good looking. What those bad boys have is, kind of ironically, a wide breadth of emotions. The "nice guy" is just too one dimensional for women. Although there may be more than that side, it's not obvious without actually dating them.


Join the discussion

What Girls Said 6

  • I don't get it why people take is so personally when someone doesn't want to be with over looks. That is just the sign that you two were never meant to be if they come back years later why choose them when there so many other people who want to be with you for you. It annoys me that people get very upset about this yeah I get it but they are not dating you. So it should be more easier to move on especially after they being a dick.

    • It's not about that it gets frustrating when people can't see you for who you are. Somebody like me who is emotional and listens to girls about how they feel and what they like in a guy has no chance because I wear glasses and I'm skinny so no matter whats inside thats over looked because of my appearance. I don't hold that against the girl I mean hey I even rejected a fat girl that approached me I understand the feeling it just gets frustrating sometimes it's nothing against you

    • @awesometjgreen Like I understand but in the end its better not to be with that person I believe if you two never became a thing it probably for the best.

    • Me too I agree

  • agree on double standarts

  • I agreed with a lot #1. Women are often skeptical of a guy being so nice to her because *usually* it means he's looking for something in return. That something may differ depending on the guy, but I thought that was a very interesting point and described the way I feel.

  • There is some truth to it, but it can't be applied to all the women. For example, I know that my aunt had married my uncle because of his social status, but I would never do that.

  • It was really informative. Great mytake.

  • Yes, because clearly all women are shallow gold diggers that care only for materialistic things and men are so much deeper and caring.

    Seriously, enough with the stereotypes already!

    • just let them find excuses for being single. Gag is 90% made of posts by men complaining about women, the best thing is to just ignore them

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    • @IceCubedude But isn't that true for any decent human being? After all. ... No one wants to feel as if they were being manipulated. :)

    • @NanaXXXX in this world and age finding someone who wants you for purely... you is hard its pretty hard finding such a person and if you an make others feel like that you win.

What Guys Said 17

  • This take is pretty spot on.

    It's hilarious that people are accusing the Mytake writer as being a beta male crybaby when he's clearly taking a neutral stance and attempting to explain things from a rational standpoint.

    These are naturalistic explanations describing how both men and women operate when it comes to sex and relationships. Does it apply to everyone? Of course not.

    Some guys will immediately look for one girl to fall in love with. This doesn't discredit the reality that most men gravitate towards wanting many different sex partners, particularly in their youth.

    Some women won't care about a man's social status. This doesn't discredit the reality that most women gravitate towards hypergamy and wanting to find the absolute best man they can get especially in regard's to financial security.

    This is just reality. Keep your "but I'm different!" lines out of it. Just because it might not apply to you doesn't mean it doesn't apply to the majority.

    Furthermore, none of this is wrong! There's nothing wrong with men not necessarily wanting to commit to relationships, especially when young and there's nothing wrong with women wanting the highest value man she can find.

    Males of nearly all species want to spread their genetics and females of nearly all species want to be picky about choosing a mate with superior genetics and the ability to provide security and protection. Yes, we have the intelligence to act differently but we can't fully escape our animal tendencies.

  • Dude that describes hookups but not real things, yes looks matter a lot, however hust because I may be self conscious of a medically imposed shaved head doesn't mean I'm willing to settle for a girl who's below a 7 looks wise, I still hold my standards on looks very high and don't consider accepting less like you seem to claim self conscious people 'take what they can get' so me alone is one example of your logic being wrong,

    Here's dating people;
    Regardless of what you look like go for only those you find physically attractive until one says yes, if it works out marry them, if it doesn't look for another who's physically attractive until one says yes and repeat until you marry, that's it, no "settling" because you think you don't look good or don't have status just keep going until one says yes. Also don't pay attention to guys like the poster who try to quantify something like love and relationships. Science can't do that period.

  • Why does this seem so shallow AND complicated at the same time? I would never look at dating in the same way as depicted in this myTake. it's just so complicated to me...

  • How is your dating life?

  • Betas are typically seen as repulsive because they seem clingy and like they're essentially "Begging" which is a turn off to most females.

  • There's a lot of truth to this.

  • This was overly complicated. Just date some random chick with nice boobs.

  • Very good article so true this is how I feel. I'm supposed to be the nerd but thats all gonna change when I'm rich :-)

    • You don't need to be rich for becoming "the man". ;) the "social status" that was once valid in school, becomes irrelevant in the "real world".

  • Nice take... by the way, who drinks beer with a straw? 😆

  • True. However I do not see anything wrong with this.

  • Seems like you've got this figured out.

  • I find a lot of truth in this. Good take.

  • It's amazing that they're are people that don't know this.

  • Yes, and EVERY GIRL overrates her value!!!

  • ::this is what beta males actually think::
    ::this is what defeatism looks like::

  • fuck dating and FUCK relationships!! There's NO EQUALITY!!

  • Interesting take!

    I really don't get how some women perceive someone being nice as sucking up? Wtf? What if they are decent ppl? The fact is that if a guy is nice to her, it shows he likes her. How do they not get that?

    So a guy who isn't long term material will have her acting less innocent round him whilst the good guy who is clearly into her, struggles to see her being wild?

    She can't really expect such guys to not feel frustrated and that they are taken for granted?

    • I think the sucking up part refers to being overly nice, to guys who would do anything to be liked by a girl, rather than be themselves and trying to be liked for who they are.

    • @NanaXXXX But if a guy happens to be a confident and charming fellow, who has a good life going for him. If he happens to be nice to her, maybe if he has a soft spot for her, that is perceived as sucking up and not being their genuine nice self?

      Pls explain, as I don't understand how a good guy is essentially punished for just being himself?

      Also can you help on a question?