I know all about the stereotype: Men care more about looks. Yeah, well, I'm not sure I believe it.
I'm also not saying there's anything intrinsically wrong with caring about looks; we all should and we all do. It's just that when it comes to online dating, I think we all know how it works, right? Just like in real life, guys do ALL the approaching and girls just sit there and field messages and winks and any other contacts that come their way. I've dated several women I met on dating sites and they all admit that this is what happens. Here's a direct quote from one of them:
"Nah, I never searched profiles. What for? I kept getting like 25 emails a day."
Of course, that's insanely frustrating from a male perspective because the average guy's success rate is what, maybe one in ten? One in twenty? Worse? I think my success rate was probably one in ten and I'm just talking about getting a reply back; I'm not referring to ultimately dating the person. Basically, girls get to sit back and screen offers while guys send out fifty messages and hope they get a few replies from promising matches. I wish it wasn't this way but it is. And it doesn't seem to matter which service or app you use, either.
So, if all these girls only have to screen approaches, you know the first test has to involve the guy's pictures. It's the easiest way to weed out the ones she doesn't want and besides, those pictures are always front-and-center. They'll only start reading if they like the pictures, right? C'mon, just admit it, ladies. If this wasn't true, I'm almost certain I'd get a lot more replies than I do, and I'm sure ALL guys would get a lot more responses. There are times when I find a girl who's an absolutely perfect match in terms of everything; likes and dislikes, hobbies, personality, etc. And yet, I know if my profile pics aren't good enough, it won't matter.
On the flip side, I imagine girls have the same mentality: "I won't get a lot of messages from guys if my pictures suck." Okay, that's somewhat true but don't forget that we have to search through hundreds and hundreds of profiles, so maybe we don't have hours and hours to read all those profiles. You, on the other hand, even if you are getting your 25 emails a day, should be able to select at least ten profiles you'll actually want to READ, right? And besides, if you really do care more about the "other things," as you girls always claim you do, I'd think you'd be very interested in fantastic matches, regardless of what the pictures are like.
Now obviously, I don't expect anybody to respond if I'm not their type at all. Just because they're mine doesn't mean the vice versa is true. And I understand that. Even so, I wonder if girls are putting WAY too much emphasis on these pictures and when I say that, maybe we're all putting too much emphasis on the pics (both guys AND girls). Maybe if we actually read a bit more and looked a bit less, we'd be more likely to interact with different types of people.
Hey, attraction is attraction. If it isn't there, there isn't much you can do about it. But I've taken a risk a couple times; I've gone out with girls who I thought weren't exactly beautiful, but we had a lot in common, so I gave them a chance. How many girls out there can say the same...?
Most Helpful Opinions
The problem I find is that most people that online date are not ready or even want to date. They are online just to see whats possible. It makes it very frustrating for the ones who are serious about dating. 4 photos of you in a well lit area... no ball caps, sunglasses, etc. and a profile that gives someone a glimpse into your world is all you really need. Weed out the idiots and for god sake keep meeting people offline as well. Online Dating isn't the END ALL BE ALL.