Why Quality is More Important Than Quantity

One of the things I've noticed this year is that I've had dates and hookups with the most attractive women, out of all women I've dated in my life, but none of them ever led to a relationship. If there was a guinness world record for most online dates, I'd probably win and it's nothing to brag about. I go on so many dates that I don't even feel like telling friends and family about it unless it were to seemingly get serious or get past date 3 or 4.

Why Quality is More Important Than Quantity

There were only three this year that had substance where I felt a strong connection. One I was just a rebound to and got played which hurt even more because I had so much in common with her. She played me and acted like I was in the wrong which was like being kicked while I was down.

One was controlling and possessive to the point where she expected me to be available for her 24/7 when she wanted me and accused me of playing her when I was busy, even if I offered to reschedule. But if I wanted her to hang out and she was busy, I just had to deal with it.

Another I hit it off big time with on the first date and then she ended up ghosting me.

Now I didn't just like these women for their appearance. They did have good personalities at first and we did have common interests.

Why Quality is More Important Than Quantity

I'm not desperate for a relationship and I'm not trying to rush into anything. Not all of these people were a good match for me, despite the fact that they were cute. But the thing is, like the rest of the years, it's been an endless cycle of dating people until it ends and it feels like I'm constantly starting over which gets tiring. It's like I'd get a date or two with some people, and I've had some bad dates but I'd get quite a few where they'd say I had such a good time, let's hang out again, text me when you get home, only for them to ghost or give short replies until they disappear.

Most of the time, the girls would be at two extremes, either too flaky or too clingy. No middle ground. The only times women wanted to keep seeing me, they were super clingy, catfishes, or just flat out crazy. I wasn't going to settle either.

Now I don't regret my experiences that I've had, but they were only fun while they lasted.

The frustrating thing is, I get told I'm cute, funny, etc. and have a lot of good things going for me but yet a lot of things fizzle out with women at a point, one way or another and it scares me.

Not to sound entitled to a relationship because of this, or one of those "all women are bitches," "all women suck," or "why don't girls like me?" guys. I'm nice. But it makes me wonder what I might be doing on my end that might be causing this. Is it that I'm meeting a lot of these women online and they have so many options? Is it some personality flaw that I have that I don't realize?

I was a late bloomer and didn't get my first kiss or lose my virginity until I was 21. I had dates and hookups in college and at first I was happy as opposed to getting nothing prior to that. But then at a point, I stopped caring about my count and realized wait, none of them are sticking around. I mean yes, it's better than getting nothing but you can still feel unfulfilled when you don't find anything stable.

Why Quality is More Important Than Quantity

I have friends that have only been with 2-3 girls but were in long lasting relationships for 2-3+ years with them. I think I'd rather trade spots with them as opposed to going on a bunch of dates, hookups, and flings that don't last and have no substance.

I'm not opposed to casual dating and sex, but when that's all you're getting, it gets old after while. The best analogy I can come up with is like having no best friends and only acquaintances. There's nothing wrong with acquaintances of course, but there's not much substance to them and you can't rely on them like you can with a best friend or like you can with an SO, compared to a hookup/fling/fwb.

Despite the stud/slut double standard, the number of women a man gets means jackshit. Sex and making out are great and all, but sometimes you want someone to actually talk to and share interests with on top of it.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm not desperate for a relationship. I keep my options open, and play it by ear but it does suck when you put yourself out there and have nothing to show for it. Even when I tell some people about my issues or ask for help, I'll get the same cliche advice. They'll say oh move on, there'll be other girls out there, and love happens when you least expect it. And while it is true that there are other girls out there, the same thing keeps happening. It doesn't really address, let alone solve the issue.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I know what you mean, it's not that easy to find someone you really like (for whatever reasons) and then start something solid with them. We don't find all people interesting, and the ones we do on the first date aren't necessarily worth dating in the end. I think it's just a matter of patience until you find that person you really like, who really likes you back and with whom you share more or less the same values.

    • Yeah I think one of the biggest challenges in dating is finding someone where the interest in each other is mutual.

      From my experiences, one has been more interested/invested than the other and I've been on both sides.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree, that quality is much much better. Only sleep with whether it be hookup or more, with girls who you like.

    A guy who sleeps with loads of women is no better than you. This is a fallacy that fake alphas and equally attention seeking girls (who think they are hotter than the cute sweet girls) propagate. It's all rubbish and sadly (primarily girls), people feel the peer pressure to reward bad behavior (guys may sleep with crapp girls and sweet women act innocent round confident good guys and sexual around brash objectifying guys).

    For all you know, the other women some person slept with are all 2/10 girls in your opinion. You should sleep with women you feel are 10s and women you actually connect with. Doesn't have to be a relationship, but quality women.

    Sadly, women you need to get this as it appears you're just rewarding bad behavior from extremely low quality men versus the guys you act innocent round lol. FFS if a guy is sweet to you and all the time he likes you. So go for it. Stop being sexual round the guy who is objectifying women and gives the occasional bait of a one good night of treating you right to get in your pants lol.

    • Yeah that's a reason why I quit comparing myself to others. There'll always people who have it better and worse in that regard with dating.

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    • Seems random though haha to start talking about my bday on Christmas to her. I guess I can just ask and hope for the best man

    • How'd it go?

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What Girls Said 4

  • I completely agree quality is more important than quantity. But I'm the opposite of you. You go on every date you can get and still haven't found someone you like, and I've never gone on a date because I've never found anyone I like. You're not alone in not having found someone you're compatible with and ready for the same stage of relationship with

    I really like your Take because it proves your title point. I think it would be helpful for a lot of virgin guys to read as well because it really doesn't matter how much action other guys get and you don't if you can't find the loving relationship that you're looking for

    • Well it isn't that I haven't found anyone I liked. There have been ones I liked but it eventually fizzled out.

      Thanks. Yeah well it wouldn't just be for virgins but other people in my shoes who are able to get dates and occasional hookups but feel empty when they don't lead to anything.

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    • Unfortunately not. I didn't get his number and didn't find out how much he likes me until afterwards and it was too late

      He's the only person I've ever clicked with, so I can kind of see where you're coming from with that. I know I was his first choice now, and it's my fault I didn't really give him a chance. But now I'd be upset if I knew he went for a different girl over me and I actually had a say in it

    • That sucks

  • I wonder why the most attractive people love to hookup so much? But for your point, are you happy with only have girl bffs or are you saying you want a relationship on top of them? Like if you can talk with your bffs, why is there an issue?

    • I do want a relationship. Not that I'm trying to rush into one, or am desperate for one, but I just feel like I'm going through a revolving door of dates. And these girls are not bffs, no idea where you got that from.

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    • A girlfriend

    • Then I don't know.

  • agree

  • Good point


What Guys Said 6

  • There is a severe lack of quality out there... for sure. If it makes you feel any better, you're not the only one. I have a buddy who daters at least 3 times a week and he's having the same issue. They love to hang out and have a good time on his dime but none are interested in pursuit things any further. Just another reason NOT to pay for the first date... most never pan out and it's wasted effort & resources.

    • Quality in terms of what? the person or quality relationships?

      Yeah i've found that a lot of women on dating sites either are cute but have nothing in common or have common interests but aren't remotely attractive in my opinion. I know there's no such thing as a perfect person but you can't completely lack physical attraction, a personality, or common interests. It just won't work out.

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    • @SovereignessofVamps we're not implying to never pay for a first date or pump and dump. But how would you feel if you were paying for a bunch of dates only for them to lead to nowhere. It's draining both emotionally and financially.

    • It just makes us way more selective of who we date.

  • Quantity often leads to quality though. Sift through the trash to find the diamond.

    • You know how much "trash" I've gone through though? I'm not giving up, but I'm pretty positive I've met over 50+ women over the years of online dating.

    • and i lost count.

  • A relationship is a dance of two. Not only you need to dance but you need to make the effort to dance with your partner.

    Sometimes, it's not about finding someone who will match with you. Sometimes, it's about asking yourself if you are willing to overcome whatever short comings your partner is having and stick with each other.

    • Yes but you can't have a complete lack of physical attraction or things in common for that matter.

      But I do agree, it is about accepting flaws. No person is perfect but there's flaws then there's red flags and some red flags you can't ignore.

  • There is no such thing as an 'online date'. Who the hell are you kidding?

    You need to broaden your social circle - that's where real people are.

    • "Who the hell are you kidding?"

      I know you're a bit older than me, but online dating is the norm now. Almost everyone I know has met someone from tinder, pof, or okcupid.

      I don't like it to be my only source, but it's been hard to meet people in person, especially when I have a busy work schedule and sometimes you meet people who are either taken or you just aren't into.

    • It's still not a date. And plenty of old folks try to 'date' there too.
      It's still an awful way to meet someone - all the fakes and validation queens, so much effort for so little results. You said so yourself.
      I'm sticking with my original advice, to broaden your social circles. That's where you'll meet the best options.

    • Oh believe me I'm trying. It's just been tough due to the lack of women out here

  • The only thing that matters in this world is money, social status, and looks. These 3 things will shape whether people will want to date you and be around you or treat you as an after thought and never respect you.

    • I don't know about that. Looks do matter and I'm sure having a career is important but most people I know in relationships aren't wealthy or upper class citizens.

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    • Yeah that's not really true, after high school at least.

    • It's true after high school and even college. Even in jobs employers will hire a good looking person who is less qualified than a less attractive person.

  • If the same thing keeps happening, maybe you're searching for love in the same social circles, and that means always meeting the same kind of people. If you start new activities and do things you've never done before, you'll find yourself interacting with different types of people, with different mindsets, and you may make a better match.

    • True. It's just tough to meet women in person out here and I'll consider new activities. I hate using online dating as my only resource but I still use it.

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