Where Have All the Good Guys Gone?

We see it all the time on here. Stressed out girls asking where are these unicorns of men hiding, along with the guy follow up, we haven't gone anywhere. you just dont see us. But the question is, in the year 2017, which side is right? The girl who feels that all guys are assholes, or the guy who feels that girls have no clue what the fuck they want? Sadly at this point you both are right.

To the girls

Where Have All the Good Guys Gone?

The one who thinks the good guy is dead and gone or thinks everyone is only out to get in her pants and then ditch her for the next girl willing to sleep with him. I feel like the girls who ask where have all the good guys gone needs to really be slapped upside the head. Mainly because In my honest experience most of these girls keep people who they would mesh with well in a relationship, in the friend area because, "they dont want to ruin what they have" or "genuinely aren't attracted to you." Fair enough, but don't go out of your way to try to bring down all guys if you are doing the above. There are good guys out there, YOU just dont want to date them.

Where Have All the Good Guys Gone?

This brings me into the next point. Can you really blame all guys for being asses when you willingly pick who you want to date? Like I feel that both genders do this BS but for the sake of this let's point at the girls. You have 10 guys come towards you all willing to date you, and after scouting them all you end up picking 1 guy. When that guy messes up at some point for some reason, you feel guys are asses, ok fair. But when this same thing happens 7 more times after the first time, can you really keep saying it's only our fault? At some point I do feel like the blame has to be placed on the person picking the mate. One doesn't get into a "slump" without putting some blame on themselves. Not trying to victim blame here but let's be real. You have a "type" at this point and it's letting you down HARD. That doesn't mean there are no good guys out there, it means your type isn't for you.

Two things I wish girls would stop doing here are,

- Stop saying the good guys you do meet are being fake

- Stop "leading on" these people or taking advantage

For the first point, as an ACTUAL DECENT GUY MOST OF THE TIME, you don't know how ANNOYING that is to hear. I'm not being fake, I'm being ME. Stop basing your opinions on horrible guys you have been with and saying that is me as well.

For the second point, as I will get on below with the guys, I know that some guys do this to themselves, but some really can't help it. If you see it happening, stop allowing it to go on. Instead, stop it and say enough. Because best believe, if you let it continue and you don't end up dating him, he's going to see you as a bitch and let's be real, a lot of girls do this.

To the guys

Now to talk to my Guys. First off, no matter what anyone says, if you are a good guy don't change. Someone will appreciate you for you and make other girls envious that they ended up with a guy like you. It's just going to take some time, but I'm going to get on the problems I notice most that the good guys have.

MOST OF US ARE TOO FUCKING NICE. Most of you give the girl the freaking world WHILE being just a FRIEND. Then you get mad when she doesn't want to date you and what not. First off, never give anyone the keys to a lambo without a license to drive it. Or in better terms, don't give a girl everything without a title first. Yes you can be nice , yes you can treat her well, but most of you go overboard thinking this is what is going to get you something. Nah its not, only heartache and debt. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

The follow up thing to this is something girls love saying which is completely true; "being nice to me isn't a pass to get into my pants." You aren't entitled to anything if you act like the above. So stop the whole man child act. As I said above, you are good because that how you were raised, not because you want to get a GF/Laid. With that mindset you only prove her right that nice/good guys only want 1 thing.

Where Have All the Good Guys Gone?

Now this would be a perfect time to add in that if you want a relationship, and you see that is not where you are going with her, NOW IS THE TIME TO WALK AWAY. Rather than stay in something you don't want, just walk away. Many of you guys stay and torture yourself. You really dont have to be her friend, but just be warned that now you may look like a fuck boy. But its your call. Just know if you stay in this, whatever happens is on you.

Where Have All the Good Guys Gone?

As much as people want to say this isn't true, lets be real. LOOKS MATTER. You might be a good guy but you still need to be somewhat attractive if you want to get the girl. SHE NEEDS TO BE ATTRACTED TO YOU. And I'm sorry but niceness isn't going to wow her like that.

Plus let me not forget, WE DO THE SAME THING TO GIRLS. There can be that big girl with the heart of gold, but best believe, 2 out of 5 times (I'm being nice) you would bypass her and try to get the bombshell just for the chase and avoid that other girl who in hindsight, would be a better use of time and a relationship. You only get mad when it happens to you, but never when you do it to others.

My last point I'm going to bring up on us guys, is that SOME OF YOU aren't FORWARD WITH WHAT YOU WANT. She can't read your mind, she doesn't know what you want. You have to at least open your mouth and tell her how you feel and etc.

I'm going to wrap this up with the TL/DR VERSION:

- Girls, stop saying there are no good guys left. They are in your circle of friends who you refuse to date. Fix your dating peferences if all you seem to run into are asses. Don't take advantage of niceness.

- Guys, keep being nice but have a backbone. Don't get used. Girls aren't obligated to date you just because you treat them with respect. Looks matter with them just like they do to you. Also speak up and stop being nuns.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think a guy can only be bad if you let him, at least usually. Like one chick complained about how her boyfriend makes her pay for everything, and I was like, well, you did choose to spend your own money. He didn't do anything to you... so it depends on how you look at it.

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    • people get away with what you let them. in your example, she allowed him to get away with never paying.

      this could have easily be stopped by enforcing a 50/50 policy. but hey it's easier to blame people when you don't want to blame your self

Most Helpful Guy

  • I would only add that while a man is not entitled to sex a woman isn't entitled to a "friend" or pampering. A lot of women act offended when you don't want to be friends with them as if your a bad person because you wanted a relationship and then when rejected looked for one else where. Also some women get angry when a guy accepts her rejections and then acts like a friend, they get upset that he isn't flirting with her and boosting her self esteem which she is not entitled to. Other then that yes I agree with all of this.

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    • which is why I added that part in. most guys settle with friendship hoping she chance her mind later on. then when it never happens, they feel like they wasted their time.

      rather than settle, just move on. just like she had the choice to date YOU, you have to choice to be her friend.

    • Well yeah but I mean when he rejects her friendship offer (as he should) or actually treats her as JUST a friend they do occasionally flip out, you pointed it out from the mans perspective (and I agree with that) but it also needs to be noted by women that they do string men along and when men do not play that game they, the woman, are the ones who get upset and angry and act like they where entitled to that "friendship" where they got basically everything from a relationship minus having to actually give anything in return. So it goes both ways he shouldn't expect to change her mind if he becomes her friend and she shouldn't expect that he will still pander to her and be flirty etc. if he chooses to be her friend (if he chooses to be her friend at all).

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What Girls Said 7

  • First of all, I'm going to defend putting all of the nice guys I know in the friendzone because they're all either in committed relationships or way too old for me (we're talking 10+ years here). I know there are still some nice guys out there, but I'm not going to be a homewrecker to get one (and a genuinely nice guy wouldn't go for a homewrecker anyway). But I do have to agree with you that a lot of nice guys do end up in the friendzone because either he isn't aggressive enough in initiating anything romantic or she doesn't want to settle down into a healthy relationship with a relationship-material guy. I appreciate that you placed the blame in its correct place by calling out both genders on what's keeping them back. Nice Take

    But seriously, how is a girl supposed to know her nice guy friend likes her when he's a nice guy to all girls and doesn't try to kiss her or anything?

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    • "But seriously, how is a girl supposed to know her nice guy friend likes her when he's a nice guy to all girls and doesn't try to kiss her or anything?" - That's why he called out the boys to become man and grow a backbone!

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    • @Pyrofox
      Lol. I couldn't agree more. There's a huge breakdown in communication between men and women. Obviously we wouldn't have this site if everyone understood each other. It's a shame so many people take the defensive here rather than trying help each other out

    • Sorry about being so critical ^w^/) *waves* I just dont take easy to people who seem to be misunderstanding the situation so sometimes I'm willing wade through the conflict to correct the miscommunication. Of course its at my own risk.

  • Why on earth is there no parody of Marlene Dietrich's "Where have all the flowers gone?" with the lines

    Where have all the good guys gone?
    Gone to friendzone, everyone!

    I'm kinda disappointed this doesn't exist yet. Shame on you, internet. Shame on you.

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    • lmfao, you could be the one to start it up, start the trend haha

    • I'm not the right kind of person for that, but feel free to do it for me. xD

  • lol, my first thought when I was the question was "oh, over there, with all of the other guys you rejected" One thing I don't understand is why girls will know this guy is a cheater/player/uses women for sex and will STILL date them! At that point I think it's more the girl's fault if anything bad happens than the guy's

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    • The girls date him BECAUSE he is a cheater/player/uses women for sex.
      This excites them. Between the ages of roughly 15 to 30 women have an instinctive attraction to the bad boys, as moths to a flame.
      Then, having rejected the decent men (because they were 'boring') and thrown themselves crotch first at arseholes, they state that all men are bastards; when what they should say is that all the men whom they find interesting/exciting enough to date are arseholes.
      From the point of view of the men who are Friend Zoned, or simply rejected, because they were not exciting bad boys, it is not possible to observe women move from one heartbreaking bad boy to another for 15 or 20 years without forming an unflattering opinion of the female cognitive process.
      Then, by about age 30, a significant and increasing number of the good men decide that they are wasting their time. They simply give up on women and walk away. It is from this that a lot of the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) are created.

    • I just don't understand how some women think

  • People don't get "friendzoned" just for being nice. That honestly is not the way it works. Girls and guys alike put people in the "friendzone" when they don't find them sexually or romantically attractive. It's that simple. Being a genuinely nice person has never stopped anyone from being attractive or getting a date. Being a nice, kind, good person is not the same as being boring or a pushover.

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    • But I do agree with you that girls should stop complaining that there aren't good guys left- they're absolutely out there- and that guys need to understand that being nice neither makes you unattractive nor makes a woman obligated to date you.

  • I can see where you are coming from, but just because a guy is a nice guy, doesn't mean that he is the right guy for you. Example, I met a guy online and we went on a date, I didn't feel chemistry for him and we lost touch after I began dating my ex. We reconnected when I broke up w/my ex via the dating site and I straight out told him that we can remain friends. We text back and forth all the time. I have hung out w/him a couple more times and I still don't feel the chemistry, if I did he would prob be perfect for me. To date someone you need to have at least a little bit of attraction to them. Hot guys who are jerks are actually ugly to me and a lot of times I have been attracted to cute guys w/a low self esteem. I'm not going to force myself to like someone in that way just because he is a nice guy, in the end I will prob end up hurting him.

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  • Perfectly said on all points.

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    • thanks, I tried to be completely unbiased here.

    • No, thank you. I've noticed the same exact patterns and I'm glad you took the time to explain it all here. This is too true.

  • I ate them

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What Guys Said 18

  • See, I'm pretty impressed with this. Most guys who talk about this subject tend to either be firmly on one side or firmly on the other.

    You not only called the girls out on their crap, but you were man enough to call us guys out on ours while still maintaining a sensible amount of logic.

    You have my respect. Great Take.

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    • if you are going to write on a piece this double sided , you need to be unbiased and fair. and as a Gemini (lol) this is one of our string points to see thing both ways fairly lol.

      glad to have ur respect ^_^

  • You nailed it with your last point, the only reason girls would reject a genuinely good guy is because he's ugly.

    WIthout looks, girls have to search for reasons to date you, so the bar for being "nice" is raised to an astronomical level - to the point where you're treating them too nice and thus become boring, predictable and be seen to lack a spine. You will never win that race.

    ( Wrong gender but Ill throw this in there, but the same is true for nice girls).

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    • this is why I can't stand when people say looks don't matter. b. s. in most cases the person saying it is still single because the people who approach them aren't the best looking person, they are scared to be judged for being shallow.

      as pointed out by both me and you, it's funny that we as guys get mad about this, when we do the same to girls.

    • "You nailed it with your last point, the only reason girls would reject a genuinely good guy is because he's ugly."

      ^^ ONLY reason? Well... no.

      Another MAJOR reason -- probably more common than that one, in fact -- is when these kinds of boys will take weeks or months to get up the courage to ask a woman out... and in the meantime, they've been basically "studying" her, and pracitcally obsessing over her.

      Like, ok. You know how some 12-year-old girls have that way of making shrines to their favorite heartthrob celeb on their bedroom walls? And how that's really really fucking creepy, and if the celeb in question ever saw that he'd run for his life?
      ... This is a lot like the boy version of that.

  • I've thought this for sooo long, I've only gotten friend zoned twice and I am very attractive, but I'm also very intellectual. It's stupid to tell a guy you dont want to risk your friendship by dating well dont be a dumb bitch and do something to hurt my feelings so bad that I dont even want to be just friends with you.

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    • who needs a friend, for hurting oneself?

      But, honestly, do you think claiming to be very attractive and intellectual will be recognised as a "nice guys" treat? or is this more boasting or arrogance? probably you are not so much of a "nice guy" as you think you are.

      playing the "nice guy" for the reason, that you just want into that girls panties, doesn't make you a nice guy. That makes you a severe liar. Women do like honesty, they'll always prefer the arsehole, who is reliable in his behaviour, speaks and acts like a jackass, than the jackass, who claims to be a "nice guy". The latter is the real "creep".

    • @Muglintar I dont play the "nice guy" I am myself, and it's kind of just pure facts I get compliments all the time; I just speak incredibly dryly and bluntly I dont rephrase just to sound nice. Plus I don't just coldly use women for sex, lmao I'm beyond brutally honest so I dont get the liar bit. Me saying I'm attractive is like stating I'm 5'10, 150 ibs and I have brown hair all are facts.

    • this is something that even as i wrote this take had me going wtf type of excuse is that. like you 2 could be perfect but you dont want to date cause youdon't want to ruin a friendship?

      well as you said, don't do something to ruin it. i get people become petty after break ups but i know in my case you would have to really do me dirty for it to get that far.

      take the chance.

  • a lot of guys try to be nice guys cause they are not actively looking for sex. Rather they are interested in the companionship. Women complain about not finding a nice guy. Well maybe they should stop and look where they are picking up the guys who are only into the one night stands. And maybe just for once stop going there.

    If you want a nice guy there's a good chance he's the guy who's always there all his white horse. There to help you its just that you haven't taken the time to notice him. Is what I always tell girls who keep on complaining about not being able to find a guy. There's likely a chance the guy you are looking for is the average joe who's been there for you since you moved to the new apartment or home. Just learn to take a risk as not every guy's focus is to just get into the girls pants.

    I personally love Jessie McCartney's song Not Your Enemy cause it hits this issue almost on the top of the nail. As it seems women and girls just eventually clam up almost as bad as the newly born MGTOW community. The MGTOW for those who dont know has really grown as the modern feminism has started to attack males the entire sex as a whole.

    (The song I was talking about is below)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOzRqSKO1mc

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  • Yep! It's on point!
    Also this
    https://youtu.be/PJvZQumfxB0

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    • I really like how she explained it 😄

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    • Told ya so :)

    • I can't stand listening to her for more than five seconds. Annoying personality to me.

  • Where have all the good women gone?

    You males who are married and have a real nice wife. You are blessed. My hard goes out to you males who do not have a nice wife or girlfriend. Females are burning more bridges than building them. They do not know how to have a relationship. The reason why is that everything is about them. Self-center, and how they can benefit.

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  • Men's looks don't matter as much as the size of their wallet.

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  • Yep, pretty good. But you're describing the biology that drives this in the women, and how the FI has told them they can do anything they want, they can have sex with whomever and whenever they want, they don't NEED men, and that they are much superior to men. From the time they are little girls. We even have our FI school system trying to make little boys be just like little girls. So now there's a whole new crop of 'girlie men' being let out on society. And the women are simply not attracted to them, in fact, bored out of their minds!

    The 'strong independent' women are attracted to the top 15% of men - so 80% of them are chasing 10-15% and the rest of everybody is left on the sidelines. And the true alpha guys have no reason to commit cuz the best women are throwing themselves at them. The girls think they can land one of them by having sex with them. But it's just a pump and dump and the girl is left wondering why she can't get him to commit. But now having fucked the top alpha guy she has this illusion that her value is much higher than it actually is. And you'll actually hear her say, 'oh, he has to be 6' tall, handsome, and make lots of money'. Right. What exactly does she bring that is of value to the relationship? Her vagina? Uh huh. But she's so picky and definitely 'not going to settle' because 'you deserve it honey' so she rides the cock-carousel 'till she's thirty and her looks and SMV are starting to fade, and now all the good guys have already been snapped up and her prospects are sinking. FAST. Plus now she has to start competing with the 20 year olds that have the hold on youth and beauty. It's a vicious cycle.

    Don't squander your youth and beauty honey. And don't fuck around 'till no one wants you. And that's where 'all the good men have gone'. This place if FULL of them!

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    • So true.
      I doubt that any female on the young sign of 30 would have sense enough to understand, let alone believe, what you are saying.

  • From my life experience, guys think that by being nice it will outshine all their bad qualities and women tend to only focus on the negative. I had an ex call me crying that she can't find someone nice but the reason she dumped me was because I was too good for her and wasn't up for the challenge of having a better life

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  • This is the best take i have seen on this topic.
    At one point i was kinda like a nice guy. But im certainly no longer a pushover

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    • yea same. while I still (as I'm sure you are as well ) have my nice guys ways, I have grown a backbone so I'm not used or giving a girl who isn't mine everything.

      guys need to learn how to balance it out instead of being too far on 1 side.

    • Exactly man

  • Simple they're either taken already by real women that chose them or that these men chose. And or feminists ran them off and showed them that women weren't worth their time or at the least the modern feminist type isn't.

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  • A lot of times guys are looking for decent women in the wrong places (bars and clubs). They go for looks instead of character and end up getting burned.

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    • When I was much younger, it took only six visits to nightclubs to figure out that they were toxic and completely the wrong places to try to meet girls who were relationship material.

  • Like this take on girl wanting to know where have all of the good guys gone.

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  • Just here to see how many women will oppose this just to not seem superficial

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    • lol hard to disagree when I am right on most if not all points lol

  • Amazing Take, I agree 100%.

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  • Nothing but true :D

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  • Boils down to this. Don't ever listen to women when it comes to dating. They don't even understand themselves. Model successful men.

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  • so how you do you draw the line between being nice and being two nice and if you want to be someones SO shouldn't you give them the world?

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    • ok as someone who used to be in this spot a lot, you want to showcase you would be a good boyfriend, so giving her the world would seem like the common sense move.

      however with how some girls are nowadays, this will get you taken advantage of. you're giving her your all without her having the title. so she really at this point doesn't have to date you since she's getting what she wants for free.

      where would I draw the line? if you go out go 50/50 , you can treat occasionally but don't make it a habit. don't buy her insane gifts ( I seen people do crazy shit) . pretty much be a guy with a backbone, not a sucker. if she wants to date you she will date you without you giving her the world. look at half of the relationship around you nowadays. people dating trash lol.

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