After getting out of an unhealthy relationship of 7 years, here is what I learned about men who use and abuse.
1. They lack empathy
A person who is a user/abuser lacks empathy to place himself in your shoes and actually see where you're coming from. Even if he does, he lacks the compassion or even care to recognize that he is hurting you. A person like this will not respond to logic because he will try to feed you his delusion in hopes that you fall back into his trap.
2. What moral compass?
If he had a moral compass he would know that his actions are wrong, or at the very least try to change. But no, for the most part a person who uses and abuses does what he wants to benefit himself, meanwhile stepping all over you to get to where he wants to be.
I'll tell you what you want to hear, if it gets me what i want. Pretty much sums it up. If you are hurt by something he said, he will blame you for it. If he was negligent in some way, he will make sure to turn it around on you. Just forms of manipulation to keep you in your place.
4. Great actors
He will be a great actor. Start off like an incredible guy just to impress you, and get you to fall in love with him. But then when his true colors shine, he will do whatever it takes to convince you that you're the person who is at fault- after all isn't he something?
5. Liar, liar
He will lie. Pretty much every word that comes out of his mouth is to intimidate you, keep you quiet or just manipulate you. Don't fall for this. Actions speak louder than words.