You Can't Win with Users & Abusers.

[amandaschwartz]

After getting out of an unhealthy relationship of 7 years, here is what I learned about men who use and abuse.

1. They lack empathy

A person who is a user/abuser lacks empathy to place himself in your shoes and actually see where you're coming from. Even if he does, he lacks the compassion or even care to recognize that he is hurting you. A person like this will not respond to logic because he will try to feed you his delusion in hopes that you fall back into his trap.

2. What moral compass?

If he had a moral compass he would know that his actions are wrong, or at the very least try to change. But no, for the most part a person who uses and abuses does what he wants to benefit himself, meanwhile stepping all over you to get to where he wants to be.

3. Manipulation

I'll tell you what you want to hear, if it gets me what i want. Pretty much sums it up. If you are hurt by something he said, he will blame you for it. If he was negligent in some way, he will make sure to turn it around on you. Just forms of manipulation to keep you in your place.

4. Great actors

He will be a great actor. Start off like an incredible guy just to impress you, and get you to fall in love with him. But then when his true colors shine, he will do whatever it takes to convince you that you're the person who is at fault- after all isn't he something?

5. Liar, liar

He will lie. Pretty much every word that comes out of his mouth is to intimidate you, keep you quiet or just manipulate you. Don't fall for this. Actions speak louder than words.

[HOAAH]

1. they probably lack empathy because they weren't given any and they probably were told their feelings didn't matter when they were young and growing up. Because of this, they probably are hurting themselves in a way where they feel they are not allowed to have feelings so no one else is.

2. They don't have a moral compass probably because they feel that to hurt others helps them with their self esteem, when they put others down they feel better about themselves. They probably have terrible self esteem issues and need to be told that they are awesome, loved and appreciated not because of anything they have done or acquired but just because they belong. Maybe these people need the most love and they are the ones never been taught the truth.

3. They probably manipulate because they were manipulated from child on up... those who had parents who manipulated them are prone to do the same. They think that's love.

4. great actors, yes they do act. I know it, it's because they think that they are suppose to do that to prove some thing. That they are awesome or something. They act it all out but deep down inside they don't think the real them can be accepted.

5. Liar liar, yes, they are. but again, they probably have been lied to all their lives. They probably were the ones who were told, if you are good blah blah blah you will get this, but they never got it and they were abused this way by someone they loved so they think this is love. People who hurt, hurt others. Remember, you need to know that these people need love too.

I'm not saying that any of these are a good way to treat someone, all I'm saying is that there is probably a deep misunderstanding and somewhere along the line these people were mislead and have lost the way.

[Listening5]

I know what its like, damn 7 years with someone like that... Once they have you, they really have you. And being with them for so long, the easier it is for them to manipulate you because they know you. So they will say the things you want to hear and mess with your head.
Good take, the more you know about users and abusers then the faster you can avoid them. Sometimes you dont find out until its too late. Good for you, you are already out of there.

[aficionado]

This is a good one, but you should haave made it gender-neutral instead of specifying 'mean'.

I have been the 'victim' of abuse with my most recent relationship, which ended a few months back.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Yes, great acting with zero empathy makes them... like almost addicting, like you need their approval always. I haven't had an abusive ex, but this applies to people in my own fam.

[Eternallylucky]

Let's just say most people function in a dysfunctional way and have mental problems. Better to approach with caution asked to move in or get married and have kids.

[NatashaJ]

7 years girl I was done at 3 years why the hell you stay for that long?

[lucyy422]

I left at a year and a half. Honestly, someone who stayed 6 months can attack me the same way you're writing to her. Because you were in that situation I would expect more empathy and not judgement to the OP. I'm sure she had her reasons/fears for staying. Try not to judge her situation, sounds like all of us were in the same boat and should be supportive of each other.

[NatashaJ]

@lucyy422 How am I judging her? I'm just asking a question I was her in a situation so please f off with that. Since I'm not blaming her or being rude to her I'm just asking a question.

[coolbreeze]

Very true and you make a lot of great points. I'm glad your not with that guy anymore.

[Iraqveteran666]

Very true. Quite a few women these days are users and abusers.

[Justaskin0115]

You are so right on this. It is sad that women feel they can't leave these kind of men.

[lord_chilled]

ouch. i guess you have been hurt. sorry for my post on your other take.

[Anonymous]

Yep, it's better to be single than to deal with that shit. It can have a lasting effect on you even after things end.

[Poppykate]

Sounds like you had to deal with that personally or knew someone who had to deal with it. In a modern society it just shouldn't happen!

[Opinion Owner]

@Poppykate I have. I dated a very manipulative girl who used me as a rebound, and she invited me to her place and bedroom with a condom wrapper from another guy in her bed. Then she blocked me from social media like it was somehow my fault. I ran into her again and she still manipulated me and blew me off for some other guy. To this day she still acts like I'm in the wrong.

That piece of shit can get hit by a bus. Sorry not sorry.

[Poppykate]

Are you sure it was a Condon wrapper? Did you ask her about it? I am really sorry that this girl treated you so badly.

[Opinion Owner]

@Poppykate yes, it said Trojan on it. She saw me see it and she's like heh, that's trash.

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't say anything about it because we weren't official. But then we still had sex and I wrapped my shit of course, but then a few days later after not hearing from her, I texted her and got no response. Then I called her 3 days later and then 10 hours later I got a text saying sorry to be blunt but I'm not interested in pursuing this and then blocked from social media. She is a manipulative cunt. Pardon my vulgar language and I actually use that word more towards men than woman.

[Poppykate]

That's fair enough! You won't find a used condom wrapper under a good girls bed!

[John_Doesnt]

I thought you meant drug users and drug abusers.