Find Someone Who Loves YOU, More Than You Love THEM!
This passage I have heard over and over among my married friends. Every time I go through a break up, my girlfriends advise me that finding someone who cares about you more than you care about them, will lead to a successful relationship, or at least a relationship in which I won't get hurt. So here is my personal experience with this passage, and the rest I leave up to you.
I recently got out of a 4 year relationship. I was extremely in love with Dave. When we first met, I used to get so nervous that my stomach would churn. He was funny, and sexy and just so passionate that I couldn't resist him. We moved in together after a few months, and that's when the issues started. His temper tantrums, his abusive and manipulative ways... it was a mess. But I was so in love, and so hooked on him that I just didn't care. I remember how he used to do whatever he wants, and I would just let him walk all over me, and my feelings because well, I wanted to please Dave. It was all about Dave. After we finally broke up, it devastated me- I couldn't handle how much I was hurting, and how little he actually cared.
My girlfriends attributed this horrendous and painful breakup, as me being more in love with him, than him with me. I tried to argue that I didn't care and that it was worth the experience, but deep down I knew that they were right. I was like a blind fool in love, and I hated the fact that I had stayed for so long. So after a few months of crying and moping around, I decided to head back into the dating world.
That's when I met Walter. Walter was a smart, serious, yet kind hearted guy. He was unlike Dave in the fact that he was very kind, cared about how I felt, made sure to always make time for me, and was head over heels. He would send flowers to my work, cook surprise dinners, listen to me vent about my friends for hours, and let me be me, without a single complaint. He was so in love! But for some reason, I really liked him, but I certainly wasn't as crazy about him, as he was about me. He would beg to spend time with me, and I would be happy to see him. But I knew that the tables were switched. After 8 months, Walter was more in love with me, than I was with him.
So, what is all the conclusion to all of this? It's quite simple, and there are a few dynamics at play. Half of me says "do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who I am not passionately, madly in love with?", while the other half says "I would like someone to put me first, and take care of me, with a bonus of not getting too hurt if things don't work out". After thorough discussions with my oh so married ladies, I keep hearing that a relationship isn't about passionate, can't get our hands off of each other love all the time. It is about loyalty, financial stability, and respect.
When Dave came running back to me last month, begging back for me I was delighted, and all of my tears and pain would have all been worth it to have him back. But, since i've had some exposure to reality I analyzed the situation. He was loyal, but he had no financial stability and no respect for me or himself. 1/3... and he certainly didn't love me more than he loved himself. I never replied back to Dave.
As far as Walter goes, we will see what happens. I love the fact that he loves me more than I love him. I love how he is an amazing guy, and I know that my heart is safe in his hands.