Find Someone Who Loves YOU More Than You Love THEM

Find Someone Who Loves YOU, More Than You Love THEM.

Find Someone Who Loves YOU, More Than You Love THEM!

This passage I have heard over and over among my married friends. Every time I go through a break up, my girlfriends advise me that finding someone who cares about you more than you care about them, will lead to a successful relationship, or at least a relationship in which I won't get hurt. So here is my personal experience with this passage, and the rest I leave up to you.

I recently got out of a 4 year relationship. I was extremely in love with Dave. When we first met, I used to get so nervous that my stomach would churn. He was funny, and sexy and just so passionate that I couldn't resist him. We moved in together after a few months, and that's when the issues started. His temper tantrums, his abusive and manipulative ways... it was a mess. But I was so in love, and so hooked on him that I just didn't care. I remember how he used to do whatever he wants, and I would just let him walk all over me, and my feelings because well, I wanted to please Dave. It was all about Dave. After we finally broke up, it devastated me- I couldn't handle how much I was hurting, and how little he actually cared.

Find Someone Who Loves YOU More Than You Love THEM

My girlfriends attributed this horrendous and painful breakup, as me being more in love with him, than him with me. I tried to argue that I didn't care and that it was worth the experience, but deep down I knew that they were right. I was like a blind fool in love, and I hated the fact that I had stayed for so long. So after a few months of crying and moping around, I decided to head back into the dating world.

That's when I met Walter. Walter was a smart, serious, yet kind hearted guy. He was unlike Dave in the fact that he was very kind, cared about how I felt, made sure to always make time for me, and was head over heels. He would send flowers to my work, cook surprise dinners, listen to me vent about my friends for hours, and let me be me, without a single complaint. He was so in love! But for some reason, I really liked him, but I certainly wasn't as crazy about him, as he was about me. He would beg to spend time with me, and I would be happy to see him. But I knew that the tables were switched. After 8 months, Walter was more in love with me, than I was with him.

Find Someone Who Loves YOU More Than You Love THEM

So, what is all the conclusion to all of this? It's quite simple, and there are a few dynamics at play. Half of me says "do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who I am not passionately, madly in love with?", while the other half says "I would like someone to put me first, and take care of me, with a bonus of not getting too hurt if things don't work out". After thorough discussions with my oh so married ladies, I keep hearing that a relationship isn't about passionate, can't get our hands off of each other love all the time. It is about loyalty, financial stability, and respect.

When Dave came running back to me last month, begging back for me I was delighted, and all of my tears and pain would have all been worth it to have him back. But, since i've had some exposure to reality I analyzed the situation. He was loyal, but he had no financial stability and no respect for me or himself. 1/3... and he certainly didn't love me more than he loved himself. I never replied back to Dave.

As far as Walter goes, we will see what happens. I love the fact that he loves me more than I love him. I love how he is an amazing guy, and I know that my heart is safe in his hands.

Find Someone Who Loves YOU More Than You Love THEM

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amandaschwartz is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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  • I have read enough of your takes at GAG now to recognize that you are by far the shallowest "editor" here. I have to wonder if you are truly this shallow in real life or you are just putting on a front at GAG to stir the pot. Either way, it's pretty sad.

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    • Some of the stuff I've read from her sounds a lot like the shallow stuff I hear/read more and more from other women, which is why I completely get why a lot of guys are just done with dating and women. So, I don't think she's putting on for us, sadly enough.

    • @SmartButBroke Agreed. But there are plenty of good women out there. @amandaschwartz is just not one of them, clearly.

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What Guys Said 21

  • That's not going to happen. Love must be balanced, and like your experience with Dave, since he found someone that loved him more than he loved you, there was an imbalance, leading to a breakup. But hey, you wrote a myTake persuading people to find a relationship similar to you and Dave's.

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  • The story was interesting and I'm glad you chose the guy that's better for you. My only hangup is that in turning down Dave, with the final straw being he loved himself more than you. You actually are the exact same in that respect. You did what you felt what was good for you despite him. In most cases people love themselves than others. You're no different in that sense.

    Things weren't good with Dave not because you loved him more than he did you. It didn't workout because you chose a guy you "resonated" with on a personal level. You resonated with an uncaring asshole. We don't accept abuse from any other person that is worse than the abuse we give ourselves. That's our threshold. The moment someone goes past that we say fuck off, because to us it's unjustified. But you set that bar with your own self abuse. So as long as anyone stays within that threshold, that's the most abuse you'll tolerate because on a deeper level you think, "yea, I deserve it".

    Get rid of that shit and you can find someone you're passionate about and also happens to be a good guy too.

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  • Whomever cares least has most power in a relationship.

    The problem is, you'll grow bored with this and dump him anyway, crushing the one man in your life that would love you forever.

    Oh well, cash and prizes eh?

    by the way, the shacking-up thing was your first mistake. Don't do that. Make sure you have a great guy and then DATE him. Don't move in with him unless you're going to marry. Playing house never works out like you think it's going to.

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  • There's about a 95% chance you'll think I'm a religious nut job, but I've been called worse. Just remember I've been happily married for 20+ years. So...

    You need to love God first and foremost and then love people as you love yourself. If you put someone (including yourself) ahead of God, it doesn't work. Until you understand God's love for you and love Him back, your life will be out of balance. You'll be giving to get or just as bad, holding back true love until you feel you're getting more than giving (not necessarily just romantic love). The result is a sort of cold numbness that you need to get away from.

    One of your first mistakes was moving in with Dave. You would have figured out sooner or later that he was a selfish guy and the pain would have been much less. Anyway, I hope you find peace.

    Matthew 22:37-39
    'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'

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  • You post the most narcissistic posts on this site.
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a36245-i-broke-up-with-my-man-i-m-the-happiest-i-ve-ever-been
    You think you are a god send to men when you are really an arrogant cheating hoe? God help any man who falls for you lol.

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  • You're gonna get bored with Walter eventually, and in any case the situation isn't fair to him. Just find someone who likes you as much as you like him (as far as it's possible to know that objectively).

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  • Settling is the worst thing you can do , really you should break up with Walter , as you will start to resent him , whilst he grows more attached. I'm so glad I have a detached , stand -offish nature , especially as a FT working single dad , I cannot allow myself to grow attached to any woman , given my situation.

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    • Then you will never meet the perfect woman for you.

    • @MrMysteryMan I'm quite happy with that , knew single parenthood will equal permanent singlehood & I will avoid meeting all those toxic women out there , have enough on my plate & don't want all that added stress / monetary drain , I'm focused entirely on my children & own self growth.

  • I know you're usually full of shit, but this is kind of true... liking someone more than they like you always leads to you getting hurt.

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  • In other words you got tired of being a doormat, now it's Walter's turn to be your doormat. Poor Walt.

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  • Oh hell no wait a minute this is recent? Um... hon, you need to SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY re-evaluate yourself. You are in NO POSITION to be giving ANYONE advice AT ALL. Hell your own viewership hates you and has dirt on you from being a cheater. Why would you even RISK putting out opinions on here? It makes you seem like a self-entitled bi***. It's people that think like you seem to think that prompted me to write my own myTakes on things like this. Expect to be featured in it next week. (Obviously not in name lmao i mean, i dont want to be taken down)

    Also, lemme shorten it if you don't want to read this... please... do yourself a favor and take a break from dating for a while. Really check yourself. You'd be doing yourself a really good favor hon. Good luck in the game of life.

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  • Having been on both ends of spectrum, I can tell you that it's going to end poorly one way or the other. Not loving the other person will eventually make you bored, and the other person is likely to catch on at some point no matter how much you try to cover it up! When all is said and done, you'll look back at all that time spent with Walter as having been a complete waste of time, time you can't get back, time you COULD have spent looking for the guy YOU are crazy about AND that is crazy about you!

    If heartbreak is the key issue... would you rather be mad at a guy for breaking your heart, or mad at yourself for breaking your own heart because you wasted all that time with someone you felt nothing/little for?

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  • When I'm such an awesome person it's hard to find someone more deserving of my love than me.

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  • Good to know, if a woman wants marriage she doesn't truly love you

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  • So who really is the winner though in that scenario?

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  • Be careful because peoples feelings are not static, they can change

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  • How about equally you dickhead

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  • I was once in a relationship where I loved her more than she loved me and guess who ended up being cheated on and treated like shit in the end? I'll give you a clue not her.

    If I'm ever going to marry someone it's going to be someone who loves me equally, treats me with respect and wouldn't mind dating for a decade before getting married.

    Also do you always write crappy my takes?

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    • Don't keep the poor girl waiting for a decade... it sucks!.

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    • I do hope that you find someone that makes you happy, and contributes to your life!

    • @Poppykate thanks and I wish you the best on your way to marriage too. I'm actually Canadian and Canadian laws aren't any better than Canadian laws. Where are you from?

      I'm sorry to hear that you gave up a lot for a guy and he didn't really pull through where it counted. Though even though you're a decade older than me it's not too late to still pursue your dreams. It may be a bit harder but it's still possible. I wouldn't reccommend to anyone to give up their dreams and goals or to put them off just for love. At the end of the day we are the only ones who are constant in our lives. I wish you the best of luck on your pursuit to your future dreams and goals.

  • But only his heart is not safe in yours. Another thing. If walter figures out you dont love him as much as vice versa the relationship will become a competition for who cares less. Good luck with that.

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  • Christ you're a coward.

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  • You have a lot of growing up and learning to do.

    You are exactly the reason men are rethinking this whole relationship thing.

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  • "Find Someone Who Loves YOU, More Than You Love THEM!"

    You are that cheating woman, so why should you be loved?

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a36245-i-broke-up-with-my-man-i-m-the-happiest-i-ve-ever-been

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What Girls Said 10

  • I love how this take was written, when I was in highschool my aunt would always say the same thing, a man should love you more than you love them... or else it doesn't work.

    Now, all I hear is men want to chase. Not be in love. Chase. They get tired, if you are caring and loving to them in the beginning... even if you are comaptible. What if you're just sweet doting person? too bad. "boys only want love if its torture..."pop culture, everything. And the Virgin, whore complex. So I think I agree with your take. After 2 relationships where I got excited about loving the guy and being with them and seemed clingy they ended, and they blamed me. but i really love the idea of being in love so its dumb, and i go all in to someone i think i can have that with... never again lol

    Men really say anything and lose interest fast, and just leave. I learned and I dont think they are interested in your personality just sex but i think its my age group rn...

    I have'nt found someone who loves me more than I love them yet but its sort of disapointing, wouldn't that mean i wouldn't be attracted to them? If a guy likes me and he's my type I am really going to like him... Ugh so if i want a family i have to settle for someone who i dont like;/ meh.

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  • I go by the rule ' find someone who love you more, then they love themselves!.' When you learn to love someone more then yourself, and when choosen to, places your needs behind those of another. You are ready for a relationship.

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    • People don't really loves themself that's why there are so many addicts and self harm persons

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    • @frozenhorizon. I have been watching 'House Hunters' and 'House Hunters international'. And I can't help but notice the difference between American women and Australian women. I feel like the American women tell their partners what they want, and aren't willing to compromise too much. The final choice is theirs. I remember watching it years ago with my ex, and he said that if I ever carried on like that, we would be over. A lot of Australian men feel the same. Our men still like to feel like they are the ones 'wearing the pants'.

    • Maybe. I've only dated American women. But recently most American women have been a turn off for me and I've been more attracted to international women (In the last year I'd say). I can't really pinpoint why that is but maybe it's slightly related to what you're saying.

  • No.. No.. No... This is why I am divorced. I wasn't as crazy about him as he was about me. Near equal attraction is a must!

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    • Maybe he wanted you just for sex?

    • @independentman nope. I have had 2 of his children and I ripped with both so We endured all of 2 years almost bare because sex caused me such pain. I never saw a change in how devoted he was to me. We divorced over a variety of reasons, but I believe if I was just as crazy about him as he was me we could have survived.

    • Actually you make me thing if it's good I want to be with a girl who's interested in me

  • i other words women should settle bc they are nit as valuable as , en in relationships. thats the logic. and no i dont agree. just dont marry/ date assholes.

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  • It's actually weird to MEASURE LOVE, and I'm not sure that it works, honestly.
    According to me, loving somebody less than he loves you is a phase of OVERTHINKING things, If i would step back and measure WHO loves more and WHO loves less my relationship would be a catastrophe.
    Trust me, it's better to leave things in automatic, to give the same amount that you receive and vice versa, to be balanced in everything, and it's so much easier than measuring LOVE like you did.
    Your first man Dave, was AN ARSE, that's the simplest explanation.
    Instead your second due is a cutie pie and a Gentleman...

    That's it
    Still nice MyTake ;)

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  • And now you are doing to the other guy, what someone else did to you. You saw and felt how wrong it was, how much it hurt you, how much it changed you, and yet you are willing to do the same to another person, someone who is nice and genuine. I would understand if you did this back to Dave, but Walter deserves a woman who loves him as much as he loves her, so unless you are willing to give that to him, you should set him free. Everyone deserves true love, just because it didn't work out in the past, doesn't mean you have to listen to your delusional friends and follow a life with no passion, and only security. You learned from this experience, so you know how to tell if a man truly loves you, and how not to be a doormat anymore. So why not use that knowledge to build a relationship with a guy you truly love, and instead set yourself for failure getting involved with someone you don't care that much for?

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  • Love this advice! Totally does not sound emotionally abusive. 10/10

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  • If the guys out there aren't already cynical enough, this ought to push things along.

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  • i want to find someone that i love i dont care how much he loves me

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  • That seems like rebounding and really bad.
    Poor Walter is in for a heartbreak.

    I understand the feeling of treasuring someone who really loves you and appreciates you despite you thinking your love might not be as deep as theirs, but the way you wrote makes it seem premeditated.

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