How I’ll take my time to find someone to love with my whole heart

[Anonymous]

I’ve only had one boyfriend so far, and although I thought I loved him at the time, I didn’t - I love my former best friend, my only male friend who I ever really cared about.
I’ve never had sex, I’d love to marry this male friend (I’m very religious), love him, care for him, have sex with him, but it won’t happen.
Here’s how I’ll take my time to find someone who I’ll love and who will reciprocate my feelings.

Finish my education

I have a five year plan which should work out hopefully. It entails some rather advanced and hard to reach goals, but my entire life story consists of people telling me how I won’t, I can’t, I shouldn’t, and then I proceed to will, can and in the end I always do. We‘ll see. What’s important now is that I finish high school with excellent grades, start and finish a Bachelors degree with excellent grades and then proceed to strive for excellence through applying for the toughest university programme in a 500km radius.

Continue my spiritual journey

I have stuff I need to work on. I want to read the bible daily. I want to change some bad habits. And most of all I want to make sure my relationship with God is always the closest one I have in life.

Meet people when I’m ready to

I’ve went through a great deal of change in the last five years, of which the last three were extremely exhausting. I haven’t had a regular cycle for two years, nobody knows why, I think it’s because I’m always stressed out.
Once I get this under control (I’ve got a lot on my plate, which will get better at university), I’ll be able to actively look for people to be with.
I love my life, and yet I consider taking it every now and then. I need to get this under control before opening up to someone.
I hate giving away time to people who don’t deserve it. I’ll have to make sure others appreciate what I’m doing for them.

Stop worrying

I’ve got to do many things in the next two years. I’ll have to do either CPE or TOEFL to prove that my English is indeed at a C1-C2 level, which is ridiculous considering I’m taking the IB anyways. I’ll have to work at a university to get great letters of recommendation. I’ll have to do the GRE (General graduation exam), which is stressing me out because I only learned about this today and it’ll cost me a few bucks. I’ll have to make about $40 000 in three years to be able to afford living in the country I want to move to.
Despite speaking the same language there, I’ll have to dramatically improve my French and start studying Russian or Mandarin. I should pick up playing the piano again despite this holding many traumatic memories for me (Bach=great synapses).

"You’ll make the time“

My mum said this after I told her about my worry that the next five years will be incredibly stressful and that she should not expect grandchildren at all and definitely not a boyfriend until I’m done with my education. She smiled at me and told me that I‘d make the time for someone I loved.
I’ve been busier than the average kid ever since I was 10 years old, I’m never bored. There’s always something to do, but my mother telling me that I’d make time for someone I loved no matter how hard it would be gave me hope.

"There’s no one here for you“

Yet another statement of my mum‘s. She meant that in my province, there’s nobody that I could date/marry. She was also hinting at how there are no spiritual men suitable for me, which is right.

What do you think about waiting for that one special person?

[Laozi]

Good plan. But there's one problem. And that's Death. Do you know when you're going to die? Nope. Nobody does. So how can you be so sure you're going to live that long and all. It's good for thinking about your future. But it's not good, forgetting your present in the process. Nobody knows what's going to happen next. So, live in present, do whatever you want to do at this moment. Don't wait for the right man. Trial and error. You try and try until you find the right one. That's how the relationship works.

[BernardoAndrade]

That's how you get used and have your heart broken. There is no garantee your will find the right person this way. The happies relationships I know are not the ones that people dates the most, but those that waited for that especial person.

[Laozi]

Those broken heart moments make you a better version of yourself. You know the value of being rejected and it makes you more empathetic. Also, I have seen people who waited for the right guy and ended up with the wrong guy. And sometimes they waited like forever. So instead of just waiting go by trial and error. It may take you to the wrong guy but sooner or later you'll definitely get the right one.

[Jamie05rhs]

I'm with Bernardo on this one.

[Laozi]

Maybe you're an immortal being and that's why you've time to wait for the right one. I, on the other hand, am a mortal being. I don't know when I'm going to die. So, I've to go by trial and error method until I find the right one.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Laozi I think you're just scared of not having sex before you die. Which is, in all honesty, a legitimate fear. I just am more optimistic on my lifespan expectation, so I'm not living life afraid of death.

[Laozi]

@Jamie05rhs And I think you're afraid of heartbreak. That's why you don't want to date the wrong person. I'm ready for heartbreaks than die without making even an effort. And FYI,
I've been touched to death twice so I'm not afraid of it. And so I know death can come anytime. When I die, I want to die with contentment rather than repentance. The day you experience it, you will forget every philosophy.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Laozi The first thing you said was actually accurate. You diagnosed me correctly. (Though I'm now tough enough not to get my heart broken if it's just a dating situation. I would only get my heart broken if I got divorced.)

"Touched to death" lol. Wtf does that mean?

[Laozi]

@Jamie05rhs Smh.. That means I had two near-death experiences.

[90degrees]

I got lucky and found the love of my life very early on (7 years total, 5 years married). Just be warned, a plan is great, but it needs to be either a skeleton or flexible.
I genuinely hope it works out for you.

[CindyRuns]

I think you're absolutely awesome... and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I didn't date seriously until I finished getting my university degree and had my career started.

I also waited to find the right guy to spend my life with.

The end result of it is that after 8 years of marriage, I'm still madly in love with my guy, have a wonderful career, am thoroughly enjoying life... I also ignored all of the "why haven't you had children" questions until I was ready for that part of my life... I'm 31 years old now, and NOW, I'm both ready... and pregnant too !!!

[BernardoAndrade]

Nice advice

[myTake Owner]

This is so touching! Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

[thomual]

I'm very sad to hear about your best friend. Maybe if you are lucky, and it is Gods will, you will reconnect with him in 4 or 5 years.

You are so beautiful, and I mean your heart. Wow, I was blown away by your plan and approach to spirituality and career. You will make someone an amazing wife some day.

Sadly girls like you are hard to find at my age. They are ALL TAKEN! Or they have a chip on their shoulders because of all the hard work they did and won't date a guy like me who would appreciate them, but doesn't have a successful 5 year plan like you do.

Finding love is easy. Finding a man to support you and never cheat is harder. Keep praying for your future husband. I believe with all my heart that this is one prayer God always answers. Stick with your plan. And you'll get scooped up so fast the world's men won't know what happened to you.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for your kind, positive, optimistic words, that really resonated with me today.
I've never had a proper boyfriend before, I was close to one guy and we kissed once but that's all the experience I have.
Today, a woman I don't know too well told me that especially as a single woman I'd be a great fit to go to China as a missionary (we're somewhat Mormons but I'm not that deep into it). I'll think about it, though I must say that I feel worthy of the D - I don't want to get married at 35, but I also don't eant to get married before 25... we'll see.

[thomual]

Chinese men are very different than American men. More traditional, which is both good and bad. It's worth looking I to that before you decide to move there as a single woman

[myTake Owner]

I‘m not from America and I’m taller than 98% of men in China sooooo

[thomual]

Come to America then!!! I'm waiting 😎

[Gabriel007]

Very very very interesting my take,,,, sooo many questions that I am not going to even start asking them,,, but I think you are a very very together young woman and as to your concerns (even though you have probably felt your whole life like you aren't like all the other kids and you are right) they are normal concerns and you will be fine,, I think you have an excellent mindset and agree with you that if you can wait for that person while acquiring life experience in the process then you should...

As and matter of curiosity I have one question,, from your words you sound to be either from New Zealand, Australia or South Africa,, I get that regional feeling from reading your my take,, am I correct?
And if so which one is it?

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for your kind words. I'm from Europe.

[btbc92]

Most important thing you can do for yourself is work on yourself and grow to become the kind of person God wants you to be, and a woman that man can love and be proud of having. Don't rush into anything you are uncertain of and God isn't in the mist of. That's the best answer.

[Screenwriter]

Don't just wait. Also keep your radar on. Compatible people show up in the most unlikely places. Some might already be friends. Some might be quieter than you'd like, or too noisy. They might not be who you'd choose, but they might be who you need. Be easy to judge and slow. Keep the doors and windows of your mind open. You'll be surprised how many new people you can like and love and who'll love you.

[JohnDon9]

Some people get it early in their lives , some people get it much later , everything has a right time , and admist this loneliness you surely hope that one day , someone will surely walk in and it would have been worth the wait. Its not an easy thing to do , your heart doesn't approve , you feel low when you see couples around you sharing love and only wish if you could get some for yourself , but that should not stop you from hoping for a better future.

[akshay1998]

I don't think you ever need to find someone to love you, you just need to be attentive in your life and you will find a guy. The thing is I don't know if you ever been in a relationship the reality is no one is made for each other it's your decision to adjust yourself for them.
So I will only advise you don't search for a boyfriend instead search for your passion and I guarantee from my experience it will never leave you.

[BeingSingleBlows]

Very ambitious. Great. And you literally described the girl I to look for and am looking for. My criteria is Christian and someone who hasn't had sex yet (waiting til marriage as the Bible says) which is what you are, and I wish there were more girls like you. Hard to find. That also describes me because of the same values and similarity. But enough about me. This is about you... So there is definitely a special someone out there that you are looking for you.

[BernardoAndrade]

First of all, this is a lot to have one single opinion on, but I will try to cover most of it. I feel much of the same stuff you do because I believe there is only one person for me. That is basically waiting for a miracle. So I have to trust God and be the best man I can be, so when I find the One, I will make less mistakes. Education is important, but you could not let it became an idol.

[azuhkaego]

I believe these things you wrote are all your plan for your.. But have you asked God what his plan for you is? God has something better, bigger and perfect for you. ❤

[myTake Owner]

I have, but thanks for pointing this out.

[azuhkaego]

You are amazing... The right person will find you.. Trust me.. I am far from you, I would have love to know you better

[devbarr]

Take the time to work on yourself but don't totally close yourself off from meeting and getting to know new people. You will make the time if you find someone special. You're still young so just relax and follow through on your plan. With any luck the right guy will come along that makes you want to change your plans to include him

[Mindwipe]

Wow, this sounds like a boilerplate plan for every college bound chick today.

I'll sum it up for everybody: "I'm going to focus on my and career and if some guy just happens along the way blah blah"

It's a formula for unfulfillment and loneliness.

[myTake Owner]

I'm not from the US, England, South Africa, Australia, ... , which means that I'll never go to college.
What I'm looking for is real love, and I'm certain that you can accept this. I want to remain a virgin until marriage, which is very rare in my country and definitely not a part of hookup culture. Thank you for sharing your opinion!

[Mindwipe]

Ok. Mentioning starting and fishing a bachelors degree is confusing then.

[myTake Owner]

I'll go to university. We don't have colleges here.

[myTake Owner]

By college I mean community college. I know that college and university are basically interchangeable.

[sixxx]

It's just a temporary feeling. U will soon move on and forget him. You just need to be think rationally and logically. Don't use ur feeling all the time. It could lead you to a wrong choice and bad decision in ur life later.

[HOAAH]

I waited until my husband to have sex. I am glad i did. I would have regretted losing my virginity to anyone else.

[lucas262]

Yes, I would advise being loving, be affectionate. But hold ,, love,, and that part of your heart like you hold your cards close to your chest. Pull it out when you know that you know. Be very careful how you use and who you give your ,, love,, to.

[lucas262]

When I do reach the point of ,, love,, and the ring is on her finger then and then only will I be all in. For the long game.

[Lionboy79]

Focusing on yourself first. This will make you attractive to others. Successfully complete the college, do sports if you got time, find a job... With a little patience, the boy of your dreams will step into your life. Good luck!

[bp801]

I think its amazing and responsible and very rewarding. You do you never worry about what others are doing cause 1 they are not in your shoes they have their own life. 2 its what you want and thats amazing

[Stockton]

Your plan is solid and we'll thought but your going to miss a lot of life if you don't seek balance

[Shamalien]

I like this strategy, im doing it too. No point in wasting time with the wrong person if u know it won't work out

[blutwolfe]

Ya I'm waiting out for one person, I feel like that's good if you're willing to too, it's a rare thing these days to go for the long haul.