I’ve only had one boyfriend so far, and although I thought I loved him at the time, I didn’t - I love my former best friend, my only male friend who I ever really cared about.
I’ve never had sex, I’d love to marry this male friend (I’m very religious), love him, care for him, have sex with him, but it won’t happen.
Here’s how I’ll take my time to find someone who I’ll love and who will reciprocate my feelings.
Finish my education
I have a five year plan which should work out hopefully. It entails some rather advanced and hard to reach goals, but my entire life story consists of people telling me how I won’t, I can’t, I shouldn’t, and then I proceed to will, can and in the end I always do. We‘ll see. What’s important now is that I finish high school with excellent grades, start and finish a Bachelors degree with excellent grades and then proceed to strive for excellence through applying for the toughest university programme in a 500km radius.
Continue my spiritual journey
I have stuff I need to work on. I want to read the bible daily. I want to change some bad habits. And most of all I want to make sure my relationship with God is always the closest one I have in life.
Meet people when I’m ready to
I’ve went through a great deal of change in the last five years, of which the last three were extremely exhausting. I haven’t had a regular cycle for two years, nobody knows why, I think it’s because I’m always stressed out.
Once I get this under control (I’ve got a lot on my plate, which will get better at university), I’ll be able to actively look for people to be with.
I love my life, and yet I consider taking it every now and then. I need to get this under control before opening up to someone.
I hate giving away time to people who don’t deserve it. I’ll have to make sure others appreciate what I’m doing for them.
I’ve got to do many things in the next two years. I’ll have to do either CPE or TOEFL to prove that my English is indeed at a C1-C2 level, which is ridiculous considering I’m taking the IB anyways. I’ll have to work at a university to get great letters of recommendation. I’ll have to do the GRE (General graduation exam), which is stressing me out because I only learned about this today and it’ll cost me a few bucks. I’ll have to make about $40 000 in three years to be able to afford living in the country I want to move to.
Despite speaking the same language there, I’ll have to dramatically improve my French and start studying Russian or Mandarin. I should pick up playing the piano again despite this holding many traumatic memories for me (Bach=great synapses).
"You’ll make the time“
My mum said this after I told her about my worry that the next five years will be incredibly stressful and that she should not expect grandchildren at all and definitely not a boyfriend until I’m done with my education. She smiled at me and told me that I‘d make the time for someone I loved.
I’ve been busier than the average kid ever since I was 10 years old, I’m never bored. There’s always something to do, but my mother telling me that I’d make time for someone I loved no matter how hard it would be gave me hope.
"There’s no one here for you“
Yet another statement of my mum‘s. She meant that in my province, there’s nobody that I could date/marry. She was also hinting at how there are no spiritual men suitable for me, which is right.
What do you think about waiting for that one special person?