Is THIS the Number 1 Reason Men Lose Interest?


Is THIS the Number 1 Reason Men Lose Interest?

I came across this article which I will paste in this MyTake


Author: Elizabeth Stone

My two cents: I neither agree nor disagree with this article. Depending on the right person, both parties should feel excited to an extent about the future and there's usually no question on whether you're on the same page or not. Everything is fresh and exciting, and the more used to each other you get, you become more comfortable and happy. It's a little unfair to say that once a woman starts to really like a guy, she's going to start looking for signs for reassurance and that he's the ONE, thus putting him on a pedestal. No woman is going to get that carried away, unless they're insecure and desperate. There is nothing wrong in feeling excited about a guy, and usually, the feeling is mutual for both parties.

Any signs mentioned below, i.e. the girl dissecting him to be family material or the piece to the puzzle. You would already begin to feel this as the dating/relationship progresses. You learn these things. No sane woman is suddenly going to dig deeper as to the reasons why.

And surely there is nothing wrong saying to a guy that he makes you "feel very happy"? I would only say that because I mean it and I'm confident he feels the same way. I wouldn't say it to look for reassurance.

If a guy feels this way expressed in the article below, communication is needed or is there some truth portrayed?


It's YOU, not him. (Sorry.)

It’s an ultra common scenario in the dating world. You meet a guy and everything seems like it’s going great. Then, after what feels like a super intense connection and budding relationship, suddenly he cools WAY off.

Suddenly, he gets harder and harder to get ahold of or goes dark entirely, leaving you to wonder why he lost interest.

Now, there are as many reasons why anyone might pull away from a budding, new relationship as there are stars in the sky. However, I want to talk about one of the most common reasons why men lose interest in new relationships that previously seemed promising.

First, let’s talk about some differences between men and women when they decide to pull the plug on a relationship in the early phases.

When a woman loses interest in a man or decides he’s wrong for her, she usually knows exactly why.

The guy might have turned her off somehow, he might have pressed for sex too soon, or she might not be physically attracted to him. Whatever it is, she usually knows exactly why she's lost interest.

Guys operate a little differently.

This doesn’t mean there isn’t a reason why men lose interest; it just means that his reasons are MUCH more subtle than a woman’s.

It has to do with a weird switch-over phenomena that happens sometimes when a woman starts to REALLY like a man, but he isn’t quite on the same page yet. He might be enjoying their budding relationship, but he might not have flipped over into monogamy, falling-in-love territory yet.

It goes like this:

Man and woman start a flirtation and go on a few dates. So far all is going well. There's chemistry and they seem to have things in common. At first, both are very chilled out, even if somewhat excited about each other. A few more dates happen and it seems like a monogamous relationship might be on the horizon.

As things between them start to deepen, all of the sudden, it occurs to the woman that he might be “The One” (if not with this exact terminology, at that level of seriousness at least).

She starts to think about the future with him. Her hopes and dreams suddenly seem to have led her to THIS moment with THIS guy. This might be THE relationship. The one that changes everything.

She gets excited. And all of the sudden, she’s thrown into an emotional space where she starts looking for signs.

Signs that he’s right for her. Signs that he’s family material. Signs that he fits her like the puzzle piece that she’s been looking for … well forever. And unfortunately, these signs are highly up for interpretation.

Suddenly, it’s like he’s wearing a stud halo. Nothing he does is wrong, and he can basically do whatever he wants. So he does.

And very, VERY often, this includes withdrawing. Not because he is rationally shaming her for liking him so much (he might actually feel mildly flattered), but because suddenly she needs reassurance and might want more than he’s ready to give right that minute.

Reassurance that he finds her attractive. Reassurance that he wants her. Reassurance that he is on the same page.

This need for reassurance (even when not explicitly stated from her) stops the development of his feelings in their tracks.

Like a watched pot that won’t boil, being under the microscope sucks the excitement out of it. The mystery is gone. It puts him in a position where he’s suddenly propping up her ego. He stops fantasizing about her and starts expending emotional energy thinking about the level of imbalance in their feelings for each other.

Sensing that she has started to want something from him (his admission that this is their future and it’s meant to be), the imbalance in the level of feelings between the two gets to be too much. She’s suddenly throwing herself at him every chance she gets — even if it’s just emotionally. He might respond favorably at first, but the more reassurance she needs and the more energy she starts pouring into the relationship, the more he feels the weight of her feelings bearing down on him.

Very suddenly, it’s “oh sh*t, this woman REALLY likes me. I’m flattered but I’m not sure if I feel the same way.” And when he realizes that she’s way over the moon and he isn’t, it becomes more and more glaring each time they see each other. He starts to feel cornered and withdraws even more.

This spirals as she senses his reluctance and launches into triage mode. Frantic calls to her friends ensue. Analysis of “what he’s doing” takes center stage. Because she doesn’t want to “scare him off” by seeming disinterested and might be secretly worried that she did something wrong, there’s another woman, or a combination of all — she responds even more enthusiastically to any contact he initiates.

She starts looking for even more reassurance in any form (the smallest emoticon tossed from him will do). Which turns him off further, precipitating even more withdrawal on his end.

Until finally, he’s either just texting her in the middle of the night or not at all. He might respond to her politely — even though the guilt has started to set in. He might meet someone else or initiate the slow fade.

Predictably, just as soon as it started, it fizzles out. And she wonders why yet another man who seemed to have so much “potential” has lost interest in her.

Is THIS the Number 1 Reason Men Lose Interest?
Add Opinion

Most Helpful Girl

  • BuchitaBuchys
    Men lose interest the same reason women lose interest, because they rushed into the relationship because they can't stand by alone.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • Anonymous
    Number 1 reason... having nothing more than your looks to offer.
    Is this still revelant?
    • @Anonymous
      Good point. The girl should differentiate herself from the millions of other attractive yet "soulless" women out there.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • RationalMale
    I suppose it can be for some guys, but I disagree.

    I dated a girl who was WAY more into me than I was into her. I could do anything and not worry she would ghost, literally. That didn't put me off. What put me off in her case was I simply I didn't like her much, personality wise or physically. She was slightly obnoxious, had the tactfulness and suave of a pitbull, and while she could look cute dressed up, I wasn't really turned on at the idea of sex with her... she didn't even kiss very well. I actually turned her down a few times for sex because I had higher priorities those evenings... like watching a movie or lifting dumbbells or doing laundry. We never did sleep together.

    I dated another girl who was very much into me. (At one point she told me she had masturbated so hard thinking of me her shoulders ached several days later.) She actually was insecure about herself and disregarded when I would compliment her--which didn't turn me off. Physically she was attractive to me, and I mostly liked her personality. Hence, the fact she was insecure and very much into me did nothing to repel me.

  • pavlove
    Personally i think once she's looking for reassurance it's because she's already lost him and she knows it. the problem is that guys don't like being the rejectors--we have too much firsthand knowledge on how it stings plus we sense girls are too delicate to handle it and we don't want to deal with them crying.

    so we rather cowardly act into her and then just ditch asap
  • FatherJack
    Not really the no 1 reason , I lost interest in , started to despise , then dumped my ex wife , as she let herself morph into a fat , useless , lazy complaining machine , that did F-all around the house. Now a FT working single dad , it is better without her around & being a stress inducing burden.
  • JohnDoe3000
    No. I'm sure the above is common for women who fall in love very quickly or who only want to date (way) up and so end up dating men who are only mildly interested, but on the whole I think there are more common reasons.
  • WalterRadio
    No. It is because the fun is in getting a woman to agree to have sex, after she has for a few times, the challenge is gone, sometimes after the first time.

      so how do men get into monogamous relationships?

      Contrary to popular belief, serial monogamy, whether male or female, is not monogamy.

      The bar is much lower for having sex with a woman than it is to have a relationship with one.

  • TrollG0D
    Nope. That article hardly made any sense, let alone be accurate.

    Men will lose interest if you don't put out or if they don't think you will/make him work too hard for it.
  • Browneye57
    Uh, no. Guys are not this convoluted. There's just not all this back and forth BS you got going here.
  • zagor
    Take this with a big dollop of salt; it was written by a woman, for one thing. Trying a unification theory for relationships generally isn't a good idea.
  • Charlotte0204
    Friends with benefits is the main problem. Let's face it
  • MrMysteryMan
    I don't know about all this jargon. But I know when I loose interest it's because she either is a bit too pushy or needy, or sexually or personality wise, we aren't compatible. I can excuse some things as we shouldn't be completely alike. But we should have some sort of common interests and understand each other's likes/dislikes. We should also want to be of the same mind when intimate, would be nice. If not, than I'm either too much for them or they aren't enough for me. I loose interest then, especially when there are a tone of attractive women for me. Not saying I'm an automatic catch, but if the person I'm with doesn't gel with my personality or we just don't connect or feel a connection or I don't feel a connection, than I won't waste yours or my time.
  • Lman3000
    Mind games is what drives them away when you treat dating like a game you ain't gonna be dating no one, But hell who am I kidding nowadays it's friends with benefits or just to have guy spend time 24/7 with the girl otherwise they break that's all I ever see in this country and it's why I was and still been single for 6 years and we all know women won't change even if there are good ones out there they never want to try to date anyone it's why I stayed away from dating for long and not gonna try again
  • Super-Duper-Freckles
    I don't think so. Men seem to have a set way he loves his women. If she isn't close to it, he picks another woman.
  • wrightontime
    I lose interest when I find out you are not a virgin. Either I ghost you or treat you like shit.
  • E-Nigma
    This article was very accurate, for me at least!
    what she's saying makes sense. i understand it.
  • Patriots512
    We lose interest over shallowness.
    • @Patriots512
      Nah, that just couldn't be it.
      It has to do with some subtle, underlying, impossible to figure out thing because guys are so much more complicated and indirect than women, right?
      That's why women need to read some expert's book on the matter.

  • Anonymous
    We lose interest because one we have seen you naked and had sex with you, we no longer care about putting up with the annoying female traits.
    The nagging, the manipulation, the whining, the childishness, the drama, etc. We tolerate that shit to get laid, but once we get it we stop putting up with it.
  • Anonymous
    Any study I've read on the subject suggests men fall in love faster than women.

    So my guess is these scenarios? The guy just wasn't that into her. It happens both ways.
  • Anonymous
    The TL;DR
    She claims the no.1 reason is that girls move faster into the getting serious feelings stage, start looking for signs in everything that he feels the same way and this kills the spark.

    Well, no, that's not the number one reason at all. It's an issue for some, sure. But there's way more common reasons that men lose interest.

    These days (and just look at some of the many many questions that come up on GAG about this) any time a guy pulls back a little in a relationship (which all guys will do from time to time) to get a little space, the girl freaks out. And almost 100% of her so-called friends will tell her that the guy is now losing interest and she should pre-emptively dump him or something.