The Truth about Physical Attractiveness

[Anonymous]

This myTake is more focused on the attractiveness in the context of heterosexual relationships. If you are willing to learn and clear any delusions you have about this topic, then you came to the right myTake.

Is it shallow to desire an attractive partner?

It’s not shallow for anyone to desire an attractive partner. It would only be shallow if you think looks are the only thing that matters and you ignore their personality. That’s the definition of what shallow means. It’s when you decide to look at the surface and ignore what’s inside.

So which matters more, looks or personality?

They both equally matter. Anyone who disagrees with this is lying. On a biological level, looks matter a lot because they represent the genes that you will/could pass on to your offspring. As I said before, looks represent a certain trait that you have, and most people base their mating decisions on what is best suited for the environment and what trait is the “healthiest." Almost every organism on this planet cares about the genetics of their mating partner because they want their offspring to be successful enough to survive and pass on their genes onto the next generation. Humans are not any different about this from other organisms. Personality matters because it determines how compatible you are with someone. This is why it takes a long time for people, especially men, to make a longterm commitment with their partners. In the context of relationships, this is how the term “chemistry” happens between two people because it is based on personality and looks whether you are consciously aware of this or not.

Who is more likely to say that looks don’t matter?

That’s an easy question. Unattractive people are more likely to say that because, based on assortative mating, they don’t have much of a choice on how physically attractive their partner will look.

Do words change how physically attractive someone is?

What you think doesn't matter because it won't change how physically attractive someone is. For unattractive people, no amount of your positive words will change the fact that they are below average in looks and no amount of their confident words will change the truth that looks matter. For attractive people, no amount of your negative words will change the fact that they are above average in looks and no amount of their humble words will change the truth that looks matter. Looks will subconsciously affect people’s judgement of you no matter what you say.

Personality doesn’t change how physically attractive someone is

The way they treat you may lead you to dislike them as a person and make you uninterested in dating them, but it won’t affect the way they look on the outside. A physically attractive person (8+/10) will still remain physically attractive whether you like or not. They may be ugly on the inside, but it won’t turn them ugly on the outside.

Does physical attractiveness make someone more likely to cheat?

Physical attractiveness has nothing to do with whether or not someone will cheat. I hear people making up all sorts of nonsense about attractive guys being more likely to cheat. There is a bunch of people saying that girls will constantly approach him and steal him from his partner. I wonder if their “theory” also applies to attractive women. But on the other hand, there are people saying that girls don’t approach guys. All those people obviously don’t know what they are talking about. It’s not the physical attractiveness that makes someone cheat, it’s their morals. If an attractive person wants to cheat, then they can and will. If they are committed, then they won’t. It shouldn’t matter how many people approach them each day because it’s up to them to decide whether or not they should turn down the offer.

Is it okay to be mean to people based on their looks?

Absolutely not. We don’t get to choose what we look like. It’s not okay to attack someone who hasn’t attacked you first. Unlike me, most people are emotional to some level and they have feelings so it’s not okay to hurt their feelings just because you can’t stand how physically unattractive they are, because you are jealous of them for being physically attractive, because they are too “confident" about their below average looks, because they are not “humble” enough about their above average looks, or any reason that has NOTHING to do with you. If any of that makes you offensive/butthurt, then you have some serious issues and you need help.

Do leagues exist?

Yes, they exist. I’ve noticed that people who deny that leagues exist don’t want the truth to shatter their fantasies… They also make up false evidence such as overrating one partner and underrating the other when, in reality, their ratings are close…

You will never see Zayn Malik dating a woman like this

You will never see Gigi Hadid dating a man like this

Why do leagues exist?

It’s because of assortative mating. People generally tend to pair up with others that share some similar traits as them. Not all traits are similar between partners, but the most important ones such as physically attractiveness, income level, and education level tend to be the most similar between partners. These traits can be good or bad. For example, people who have above average looks tend to seek out others with the same level of attractiveness because they are biologically desirable (they know it) and they have a much higher chance of being with someone who is just as biologically desirable as them.

Are realistic standards the best?

If you don’t want to end up alone forever, then it is a good idea to be more realistic about your dating standards. If you don’t mind potentially staying alone forever, then don’t change your standards. It’s your life and no one really cares about it but you.

Sincerely, the brutally/blunt honest 10 out of 10 guy

[FaithfulGuardian]

People nowadays judge depends on look, and personality is after you get to know them. So how does personality attract when you don't want to know that person in the first place? If someone is ugly but has great personality, that doesn't mean anything because no one cares. On the other hand, even if someone has a bitchy attitude, that person can still tolerate the bitchy of his or her other half because it kinda like driving a Ferrari out to the public to show off, even that Ferrari is high maintenance and not fuel efficient. At the end, good appearance will at least get you something while ugly most likely not.

[fabulouspancakes]

I agree for the most part. However, I would point out that as people get older, they do get less shallow. Not so much in terms of dating partners, that's always pretty shallow, but in terms of making judgments on other people and who they will have as friends or be kind to. People my age tend to be less shallow than high schoolers, and people my parents' age tend to be less shallow than young adults. I guess what I'm saying is that the cruelty gets much much better after school is over, though looks still matter a lot for dating.

[MrNameless]

or maybe people also get more desperate/less choosy as they get older cause their clock is ticking?

[fabulouspancakes]

@MrNameless Yeah I could see that, plus I think priorities shift, since you're more likely to be looking for someone who will be a good long-term partner. So that means financial stability and personality become more important. I think looks always matter at least a little for dating/marriage, though, even if you're 60.

[PrincessPie]

"Personality doesn’t change how physically attractive someone is"
I disagree with this.. if i like someones personality it can make me attracted to them therefor makes them more physically attractive to me.. may not change there face but for me it does make me more drawn to them and find them more sexually interesting.

[I-am-a-guy]

Actually I herd somewhere that changing your physical also change your personality

[Lishka]

totally agree ;) My cousin (the sweetest girl in the world whom EVERYONE likes) had uneven teeth. I never noticed until she told me. And we had talked for hours with her laughing etc... I really never noticed. To me she was the cutest <3

[Anonymous]

Some people don't even find perfection attractive. I'm told all the time that the epitome of men is a buff, tan, tall man. Men are told the perfection for women is a 5'10" 115lb supermodel. And to some of us those things aren't that great. I appreciate flaws, I like when someone's skin isn't perfect, when their teeth aren't perfectly straight, when their ears are a little weird, when they're really pale or when they're skinny instead of buff, I don't prefer guys who are really tall. I feel like people let society and the media influence them too early on and way too much and sometimes never stop to think what they actually like and value as opposed to what we're told and influenced to like.

Also in my opinion it's pretty hard to find a completely unattractive person or an ugly person who can't do something to improve their appearance in some way. Even the fat fedora guy could just take care of his skin better, that would probably happen if he ate better, lose some weight and work out and he might not even be a bad looking guy.

I agree with being realistic. Changing your attitude towards something can make a big difference. Everyone has preferences and that's fine, even as much as I like average looking skinny guys, if a buff guy with an amazing personality came along, I would give it a try. I think more people need to be that way or they could be missing out on someone they really grow to enjoy.

I completely agree with most of what you said. But i'm up in the air about the leagues subject. I feel like physical attraction is subjective. Just think about celebrities, look how many beautiful women are with normal looking men sometimes. And how some of the most attractive men are with women who wouldn't be considered "in their league" to others. Charlie Hunnam is just an example. Remember when people on social media were insulting his girlfriend, saying he was too attractive for her and he went on there to defend her about it. I think this sort of thing is promoted when people use "leagues" to define others.

[TheUsername27]

''Even the fat fedora guy could just take care of his skin better, that would probably happen if he ate better, lose some weight and work out and he might not even be a bad looking guy. ''
You can't write off fat acne dudes as being ugly for life... you will see a mans true potential when he is 10% body fat or at least around that... oh and with clear skin and a fitting haircut to suit their face.

[Opinion Owner]

@TheUsername27 10% body fat? geez lol. And yeah there's a lot that "ugly" people can do sometimes to become more attractive, you really have to be hit with the ugly stick to not be able to improve your looks most of the time.

[Idonthaveausername]

This is a decent Take and I agree with most of the points you made

Although I believe looks matter more to men than women, I think realistically you should look for someone who is around your level so that nobody gets jealous of other people hitting on their SO. It's true that words won't affect how good or bad someone looks, but there are simple ways to make yourself look better if you feel insecure about it

Personally I don't care about looks very much because I need specific things personality wise that I'm willing to compromise on looks. I also have a different type than most girls to the point where most of my friends think the guys I like are unattractive and I think most of the guys they like are unattractive. My boyfriend is far from perfect, but I adore all of his little imperfections and scars

And confidence (or lack thereof) trumps looks anyway. If you had two identical twins and one was confident while the other wasn't, the confident one would be much more attractive

[myTake Owner]

Oh my God *facepalm*
So let me guess, your boyfriend is just as attractive as you.

[DiamondRuby]

I disagree with this to a certain extent. Personality, or "words", can definitely change how attractive someone is. I consider myself attractive, and both guys I've dated were average. I friendzoned both initially for lack of physical attraction, but I got to know them, and the emotional attraction created sexual attraction. And I know I'm not the only one. Leagues exist, and generally speaking, people marry within. However, couples where one is way out of the league of the other, usually the woman, happen all the time. Why? Emotional attraction can override physical. Now, before you flame me for saying such scenarios usually involve a more attractive woman, let me explain. You, the male author, proved it. Men form initial romantic bonds on physical attraction. It's what you see first, and males are biologically programmed to spread their genes. Women take longer (generally, again) to form such attraction because we are the nurterers. We want to see someone who is caring and intellectual enough to father (even those of us who don't want kids--er á moi--are still wired to look for a mate that would serve this function). Hence why women are more likely to step down "leagues". I'm definitely not saying over time they don't balance. Men aren't any more superficial than women in committed relationships. That's just my take on the *initial* attraction, which obviously has to come before a committed relationship. It's not sexist. It's not categorizing. It's just science.

[myTake Owner]

You obviously sound like a guy with a girl’s account but let’s pretend that you are a girl. Nope, couples with completely mismatched levels of attractiveness are rare. It usually happens when one couple has something to compensate for the lack of physical attractiveness, but that’s still rare. People usually date within 1 to 3 points below or above of their attractiveness level. This myTake is about physical attraction, not other forms of attraction. It only discusses the role of physical attractiveness for both genders, not the other factors of what influences attraction. It’s technically the same when you look at the results. We see ugly people and average people dating within their own leagues almost all the time. Personality and words don’t change how physically attractive someone is. It only can change how attractive their personality is. Just because you consider yourself attractive doesn’t mean that you are physically attractive (8+/10).

[myTake Owner]

Both of those guys are, most likely, well within your league. Emotional attraction doesn’t override the physical. You can’t become emotionally and physically attracted to someone who you find physically unattractive because that’s not how biology works. FYI women also care about their offspring’s genetic fitness. Unlike men, she is 100% sure of her maternity and they want a healthy offspring just like everyone else, so they also subconsciously pick a partner that will not give them an ugly offspring. Hence, why women reject men all the time without knowing his personality. You might want to check out the dual mating strategy. That’s also based on science. All attraction is based on the physical and personality. You friend zoned them. Why friendzone someone and eventually date them if there is zero physical attraction? There was some and you ignored it. Some of what you wrote is science but the rest is based on sexist stereotypes. This is why girls can’t be completely honest about this

[DiamondRuby]

I don't know why I sound like a guy, but ok. Can you define points? I don't believe there is a universal point system. I agree that personality doesn't change how physically attractive you are. However, confidence as long as they don't overdo it, goes a long way too. In terms of myself, I have solid grounds to consider myself 8+/10. From evaluation from other people, number of times I get hit on by guys I consider out of my league, and so on. But this increased dramatically as my confidence did. Personality is part of it. And not to be rude, but you can't tell me how I experience attraction. Again, I was told by many I was way out of their leagues, and I'd have agreed before the emotional attraction developed. It overrode for me. That doesn't mean it does for you. Everyone experiences attraction differently, and yes, women are more emotion-driven than men in the beginning phases. Of course women care about genetics. Of course women reject men they aren't physically attracted to.

[DiamondRuby]

I have countless times, including both of the guys I dated. I am also more emotion driven than even most women. Because everyone is different. Of course there are exceptions to the rule. I'm not being sexist. Women (not all) also choose men based on personality because of the biological disposition of wanting protection. We don't need it. I can take care of myself. But men are physically stronger because of testosterone. Why does the man hold the woman? Why is the man usually dominant if you catch my drift? Biology. It's not inequality, and I'm not any less of a feminist for acknowledging our differences.

[CubsterShura]

I'm fairly attractive and I care about looks a lot less than personality. Attractive guys are everywhere, but guys matching my personality are very rare. If I find one, I'll marry him with my eyes closed.
My uncle is a short man with dark skin and he's not handsome. When he worked in Malaysia, his employer's daughter proposed him. She's a tall and beautiful Chinese woman, and she changed her religion for my uncle, despite knowing that my uncle is already married. Beating all odds they got married, and aunt married him only for his high intelligence. My bestie's sister is the epitome of beauty, her husband is honestly ugly. ^^;
I would never like a guy who doesn't maintain himself, even the best-looking boys look disgusting when they don't care and vice versa. As much as I'd love it if he grooms himself, I never care about crooked nose and big lips, or burn marks from an accident. These are things he cannot change about himself why should I judge? I judge only by neatness and dress-up.
Ain't God sending anyone to heaven by seeing the

[CubsterShura]

Seeing the face**

[Rick-Lewis]

So are you saying that is dark skin is ugly?

[CubsterShura]

@Rick-Lewis Pale skin is desirable here. ^^;

[Rick-Lewis]

So even tan or brown skin is considered ugly?

[CubsterShura]

Brown skin isn't considered ugly but very dark skin is. I literally saw girls having such cute faces and good bodies but people call them ugly just for being dark. Disgusting.

[Rick-Lewis]

So if a black guy approaches you, are you going to be rude to him because of his skin color?

[CubsterShura]

Not at all! Why will I be rude for what he's born with? Geez I never judge people for looks.

[Anonymous]

I always said I never cared about looks, and I dated guys who never excited me physically unless we were being intimate (and the sex was great) Out of bed, I thought they were cute and didn't find their looks an issue. However, and this may be very shallow, I found myself falling out lust with them. Yea, this coincided with a decline in the relationship-but a nagging occurred, that I wasn't attracted to them anymore, it got so bad, I found myself picking out imperfections. And I only stopped when we had sex... which was again, amazing...

I had to cut things off, I wasn't being fair, I was betraying them in my mind.

Fast forward a few months, I met a guy who excites me physically like no guy ever had before. And his personality is great too, and he's so into me. It's strange to have never felt this type of attraction before. His body and face, I had never tried to get guys that I liked (before they liked me and I grew to like them) and it's a good feeling. Immediate physical attraction rocks.

[w33vil]

leagues exist if you want them to exist. personally, i'm young, attractive and smart and educated (yeah i know how it sounds, but it's true and i can brag on the internet) and i have a massive incurable cursh on someone who is old, fat and ugly. but that doesn't matter because i've never met a person so sensitive, tender and perceptive.

The so called "leagues" exist only because other people's insecurities. I've heard tons of attractive guys tell me "i have this friend, she's a girl, she's really into me and we always have a great time. We had drunk sex a couple of time... yada yada blah blah" or something along the lines, only to continue the story with "but i can't date a fat girl, what would people tell me". Like seriously are you fucking twelve, are you not the master of your own life, do you want to ruin a perfectly good opportunity to have a relationship with a very nice girl because of "soical norms"? I mean go ahead, do what you want, but it ain't gonna make you happy in the long run. One day you'll be old, bald and fat, too...

[gangstaDaBastard]

personalty IS looks.

I went from good looking to mediocre, and it's a massive change in life;
I can not run the casual sex game anymore
I have to lower standard
Chicks stopped to approach me
Chicks are mean, not interested, disrespectful
dates are expensive, long and sex doesn't happen
getting in relationship became a high maintenance job
women immediately ask me for salary and profession in indirect way (before they didn't give a shit if I was broke gardener)
it's harder to get a job
people percieve me different - before I was smart data scientist, now I'm seen as computer geek
I'm not a fun person to hang around
... etc
I chose attractive looks over personality (whatever that is) every day. If you're attractive, even if your personality is shit, you'll be seen a fun and good person due to your good looks altering perception of people around you. Just go on facebook and observe social circles of attractive people - they're huge in comparison to average joe's.

[gangstaDaBastard]

also it's very usual to hear expression "attractive looks". Notice the word "attractive". But how often do you hear expression "attractive personality"? Not only it's not used, but it doesn't exist.

[WhistleForTheChoir]

Culture plays a huge role in what we consider physically attractive. Biologically/genetically the main physical traits one requires to be attractive are fairly limited and picked up primarily by the subconscious. More than this, almost everyone possesses them. For both genders: symmetrical skeleton, good skin/teeth, not malnourished. Women also get boosts from things associated with high estrogen level, i. e. wide hips, large breasts, small feet. Conversely, men get boosts from high testosterone: hairy, large feet, strong musculature.
But just about everything else is subjective and you're subjected to cultural biases (meaning you can technically change your mind about them), including body weight, hair style, facial features, skin tone, general expression/mood.

[MikkiM]

this is true,

I've dated a guy who is extremely attractive, yet full of ego
I've let him go, cause he is irresistable
and i want to be in control of myself

so while moving on, itried to date, an average guy
he is not ugly, just normal
i tried to divert my attention to him

and still i end up today
thinking bout that attractive looking guy
Lol

id stay alone
an wait if theirs a guy who would
look attractive and has the personality that suits me

[littlebigtittyfreak]

I agree that looks do matter. I couldn't see myself settling for an ugly person. Much less do I see myself with an attractive jack ass. Howver I have noticed that some people start to look more attractive to me when I spend time with them and get to know their personality (if they werent actually below average to begin with). What I mean is that sometimes average or slightly below average guys start looking hot to me when I learn more about thrm and see them doing things they love.

[littlebigtittyfreak]

Besides rarely do people look their best 24/7.

[TheUsername27]

A girl moved into to rent a room in our house... when she came i think i recall being like shit i was hoping she would be hot... but as i got to know her personality... i actually really rate her and find her attractive.

[sp33d]

In essence, your arguments to prove something exists are based on extremal examples e. g
"You will never see Zayn Malik dating a woman like this"

Leagues exist for those who want or need them for whatever reason. Not sure whether you want or need them to exist. Perhaps, both.

"They also make up false evidence such as overrating one partner and underrating the other when, in reality, their ratings are close"

You have just made up evidence to support your claim, because of what You think others are like.

"For example, people who have above average looks..." more ambiguity.

It would seem you are much rather talking about the hook up mentality rather than commitment. In that case, yes, appearance dominates, because you won't care to know more.

[myTake Owner]

Nope, my ratings tend to be very consistent with what it is stereotypically considered attractive. I see a couple and they are almost never that far apart in their physical attractiveness level.

[bloodmountain1990]

Leagues do exist but they also don't. Of course when you're more physically attractive, you're gonna have more options, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What may be attractive to one may not to be another. I have dated a wide range of women from knockout gorgeous to not so good looking.

That being said physical attraction is important but it's not the be all end all. I've dated and flirted with some very attractive women but were about as boring as watching paint dry. They couldn't hold a conversation to save their life.

[blondfrog]

"He picked up my pencil today in class, now I am going to put it inside me tonight" LOL. As an ugly person I actually agree though. people care about what they see as what looks healthy on the outside not the inside. Even if you have some rare heart disease it won't effect your chances of mating partners just as long as your still hot on the outside. Ugly guys know their options are very limited that's why we are not picky, ugly women don't want to accept until they are in their 40's and by then its too late. The only thing you got wrong was the attractive people aren't as likely to cheat which is wrong. Attractive men and women cheat more because they have more options and even have a high chance of being able to have a relationship with their crush's.

[lyannamormont]

"Do words change how physically attractive someone is?" the photo defining girls under is so true and sad. Same for guys.

[Anonymous]

meh at the end of the day personality does matter, no matter how you switch it up
Like u missed some things like fashion and presence
What if guy happens to be decent looking, but dresses really well and happens to be very charismatic? Everything changes again

You see it happen a lot, so called "ugly" people who end up with very "beautiful" partners

It has nothing to do with fantasy our leagues, just confidence and the way you carry yourself

I see myself as ugly/average, yet i had beautiful girls begging for my attention/crushing on me... Ofcourse girl said i was one of the best looking, and i think thats cause of the presence i overall had/have.

so no i can't really agree with this take

[litty]

Sounds logical. I would disagree with the Physical attractiveness makes someone more likely to cheat. Depending on their childhood, they may or may not have been spoiled for being physically attractive and so that personality is carried into adulthood where they feel like only their needs matter

[viaamtrak]

Looks are fleeting. I saw a photo a few months ago of a girl I dated in college. She was a knockout then, but now has bad teeth, grey hair (already) and has gained about 100 pounds. There may be a reason, and she may be a good person, but the first impression has changed. Still, she may be someone's dream girl.

[ManOnFire]

I try to be open-minded and hear everyone out but please, we have DONE this subject already. It is over-thought and over-analyzed. We are looking for explanations to try to make ourselves feel better about why we find who we find attractive, and it isn't necessary. We have GOT to move on from this and offer some truly fresh perspective that we all can really learn from in every day life.

[UnknownXYZ]

www.court-records.net/.../miles-shrug(e).gif

Interesting response to the 10 out of 10 guy.