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Why You're Still Single (Page 2)
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The reason I'm single is because I'm complicated. No matter how much I want someone to love me, I always push them away. I crave too much attention. I'm easily set off. I get too upset. I'm fragile. Nobody understands how to handle me, so they either leave or I chase them away.
I do better on my own.
It sounds like you sabotage your own relationships without meaning to. Finding a patient man who loves you enough to tell you to cut it out when you try to push him away is important for you
Although if you're easily set off and temperamental in all aspects of your life, you may consider talking to a counselor or therapist. They might be able to help you understand why you act in such ways and give you exercises to help prevent negative behavior
Why I'm single-
1 - Social Anxiety
2 - I don't know how to relate with people romantically
3 - Too much effort to try to talk to people and they have to sway their beliefs in order for you to be with them (A. K. A Girls/Women are always right, and other things along those lines)
4 - I offend what shouldn't be taken as offensive because they thought it was something vulgar when I pretty much joke almost every time, but when I'm serious, I am pretty damn serious and you can tell.
5- I haven't went on a date for 2 years cause I'm not eager in being "the one that asks the girl out first" because most of them tend to have bad hints in showing they like me, or none probably like me at all.
Oh, that's right, number 6. I don't believe in marriage.
Well from what you wrote here it seems like you have some issues with insecurity as well as being relationship material. Not believing in marriage is the worst one because most women prefer to have that as an option
That's exactly why I stated that, because most women prefer marriage, and I don't believe in marriage, it seems illogical to me. Anyways I am working with my social anxiety perfectly, day by day it gets better, so that wouldn't really factor in in the future, this list is for now though, but the future will still be a nono for marriage for me unfortunately.
I see. Well as long as you're perfectly clear with women about not being interested in marriage, you should be fine. It's when you lead people on that it gets to be a problem
Hopefully I find someone that has the same intentions, cause when they try to force you to want children, that's when things go south
or marriage
I'm single because I'm a selfish, impatient smartass that doesn't that can't make plans for myself beyond next week, let alone long term plans including someone else.
So, I've known for a long time I'm just not "relationship material" and that's fine by me.
ROFLMAO! Well as long as you can accept it, good for you
I'm single by choice. I've been abused physically and mentally in the past and choose not to just jump into another relationship. I want someone who is real but also who excites me and I've just not met that person yet. So I stay single.
Good luck :)
@lacorine197 thanks, you too :)
I would like to say that I'm sorry you were abused at one point in your life. I hope they get whats coming to them.
That's unfortunate and I've been through similar things myself. Choosing not to jump into any relationship is a mentally healthy thing to do in order to prevent experiencing heartache and abuse again. Hopefully you will find that perfect person you're waiting for
Thank you, I hope so too, although I'm getting to the point where I suspect I may just be missing out on ever meeting someone. Feel like there's a giant clock ticking over my head sometimes :/
@KenM9215 thank you. I try not to have that mindset myself because I think it's unhealthy to carry that hate. But thanks for your kind words :)
I didn't mean it in a hateful way (It did come across that way, my apologies). I only meant it as I hope justice is served in whatever form it should take. No one should have to go through that kind of treatment. I'm glad you came out of it okay :)
@KenM9215 oh no of course not! :) but I think if it was me it would be coming from a hateful place and I'd rather just let go of those negative emotions. And okay is a relative term but thank you :)
I can only imagine. Also you are very welcome :)
I'm in a complicated friends with benefits thing with this girl I've known for a year. I don't want to get into a relationship now because I don't see the point. Too many mistakes in the past. Failed relationships because of rushing. It's stupid to go through that again.
It sounds like you're afraid of commitment. friends with benefits is a poor decision because someone always wants to turn it into a relationship and ends up getting crushed while neither person is in a position to seriously date someone else. friends with benefits is a relationship, just one you don't take seriously
Yeah so I've heard. I feel kinda shitty for getting involved with her but I like her too much to let her go. I just can't make that jump yet. Maybe she'll catch feelings but at least she knows where I stood all along, and she can't come back to me and say I never told her so.
It sounds like you two need to have a serious talk about what will happen if you do or don't get together and how you feel right now. If you like her too much to let her go, then you may need to face your fear of commitment
This was long but I read all of it, I'm not single again because I want to be, been trying for over a year since being divorced which she was the one that cheated on me. I know everyone is different so I'm not holding that against other women and would like to find someone to share moments with but so far nothing. Good mytake though
Thank you and it's unfortunate that you've been cheated on in the past as well. One thing I didn't include here waiting time and luck because you can't control when the right person will come along, you can only make sure that you're the right person when they do. A year isn't very long in the grand scheme of things, so keep your chin up and you'll find someone, probably when you least expect it too
Yep I choose to be single due to past bad experiences and the main one being that I was raped. Even though I went to therapy for years I have a decided to no longer chase romantic relationships and I am happy with myself. I would rather be single than in another shitty relationship.
That's an unfortunate situation to be in, but I'm glad that you're at a point in your life where you can at least be happy being single
Yeah I fall into the negative past experiences - I was broken by last relationship and it took me years to get back but I am still not over it - I don't want to be single but I just can't bring myself to go down that rabbit hole again.
Ah that's unfortunate. Sometimes getting back up is harder than just sitting there on the ground and waiting for someone to come pick you up. Do you still want to be where you are right now if the right person comes into your life?
Fair point but I fear the right woman will have to really rock my world to shake me up I think
im glad im not the only one who feels this way
I used to think I'd never have a relationship or be attracted to anybody, but I've had several "shake my world up" moments the past year to change all of that. Anything can happen but it's more likely to if you welcome it
Right now I'm unavailable and it's not practical to date while I'm on vacation. When I go back home I will wait and search for the right person. If it never happens, oh well. I'm perfectly fine with being single. I'd rather be single than be with the one I don't want. I will never ever lower my standards. Except for looks and personality, most of my other standards are already very low.
Perfect. It sounds like you've got it all figured out
Hah. Looks is my main thing I'm willing to settle on. As long as he isn't physically repulsive, I don't really care what he looks like
interesting take
i think i prefer being alone rn
but i also stray away from love, due to pride/neg past experiences
like this one girl i was into and she was into me told me;
you can't admit love, your pride doesn't allow you
and its true, i just can't tell anyone how much i love them
That's unfortunate for both of you. I find the best way to deal with pride like that is to get out and learn how to fail (like a short person playing basketball or cooking something exotic if you can only make mac and cheese). Accepting failure will help you see yourself as human and help you let go of your pride
This is more-than-half true but not very true.
I was going to say "Oh look. An internet stranger is telling me what I am doing wrong never having met me before" but those points are actually valid.
But you forgot one very important factor.
Which is what guys like me are dealing with.
Being undesired by the opposite sex. Involuntarily being single that is.
Some are even so desperate about it, that they are making themselves desperate in front of the women they desire and ruining their chances of a relationship.
In other words I am single but it is NOT by choice. It's kind of like my destiny. We are called INVOLUNTARILY CELIBATE - incel in short.
But I confess, I haven't tried much. I also have healthy standards such as no smoking just like you. Unfortunately the majority of people do smoke, which cuts them out of my dating choices. Never will I go below that because it's simply not going to work out.
I strongly disagree with the following quote
cf.girlsaskguys.com/.../...a-91e6-9db276c9e532.jpg
as it promotes abusive relationshits involving some sort of transaction at the expense of the one, who puts effort into it.
Now I am NOT saying relationships are all about walks in the beaches, restaurant meals, sex, flowers, car rides and gifts. What I am saying is that it is about respect, trust, occasional compromise, acceptance, protection and valuing each other. Too sad, that there are quite some girls, who believe, that relationships should be like in the movies. Gross! Those things are meant to be the best parts of it, not the standard.
Don't worry about it man, you could always be with me. Let me know when you're ready
@DooMguy nohomosexual? But Cortana would be mad and disappointed. :/
http://i.imgur.com/VCUz8A7.png
The biggest reason why i am single is because i am in a country i only hate to be in (not Iceland) and i aim to relocate asap. But my finances are not allowing it. Also the girls in this culture are not what i prefer at all - quite the opposite actually to be honest. So i am doomed to be a single virgin until in my second half of my life.
B-but you said you were gay?
imageupload.co.uk/images/2017/07/06/UnitGay.jpg
You'll escape eventually, one way to get some quick cash is to be a terrorist then sue the government (it works every time)
@DooMguy Yes, I am really gay. I see you took note of it but I am afraid you misunderstood me. Refer below.
i.gyazo.com/e1aa1f7179c307b197fd2de5ee096632.png
But I am not homo sexual :P I am a straight (hetero sexual) man and I am attracted to women.
I can't get enough money. Your method will not work.
Blaming women for not being attracted to you is an insecurity and in itself unattractive behavior. As long as you continue to think that way, you will remain single
I absolutely do not support abusive relationships. That is true for falling in love, but you shouldn't stay in love with someone who doesn't love you back or mistreats you. As long as you view relationships as something for you to benefit from and not as something to share with someone you appreciate and care about, you aren't relationship material
Now where did you get the idea from me that i am blaming women? Stay on topic, please!
You said "guys like me are dealing with being undesired by the opposite sex." That is blaming women for not being attracted to you. Women looking for serious committed relationships don't care about physical appearance as much as guys think, so that's no excuse. And you don't have to be conventionally attractive for women to find you attractive either. It's really easy to make yourself appear more attractive if you have an awesome personality
No. I was merely stating the fact, that some of us are really undesired. You have misunderstood this one. I did not blame women. I did not blame myself. I did not blame anyone.
MGTOW typically blames women. I don't.
"guys like me are dealing with being undesired by the opposite sex." - In other words that means we are coping with it. That doesn't mean I accuse women for not liking me. Stop over analyzing.
But I am relieved to know, that I don't have to be like Brat Pitt in order to be attractive.
Women are attracted to men who are confident in themselves, happy with their lives, and have a good sense of humor. Women don't necessarily want to date all men who are attractive in this way, but they do find these men attractive and it's apparent in the way they interact with you. If women aren't attracted to you, it's because of a fault in your personality that you refuse to accept and change. By denying that responsibility, you are putting the blame on others (like you said) as a coping mechanism because it's much easier to blame others for our problems than accept our own faults
Maybe that's what you and some women find attractive. In which case i would look for that kind of woman.
I think i can't win this one with you. Might as well end it now and leave. Have a nice day.
You're never going to win anything if you're insecure. You're just repeating the same things you said on my last MyTake, so no nothing's going to change. You should've known better than to rehash the same stuff if you felt like it was a waste of time
Wow how well written. Much of this might be true. But their are so many personality combinations in our 🌎 that their is definitely the right person for everyone. People are missing out due to little or no confidence and their insecurities.
Some info here reminds me of the fact of "not only finding the right person, but being the right person".
Thank you and I agree with that. I recently saw something that pointed out you probably have more than one match out there who you could marry if you were serious about marriage (concerning compatibility such as politics, number of children...) Now I view it not as finding the one right person for me, but as finding one of the people who are perfect for me. It's more positive
I think having insecurities and no confidence is the biggest problem here on GAG
Yeah I think about what would happen if a perfect man for me walked past me and I was openly bashing men--he would rightfully walk right on past me. And I also notice that people generally like me better as a person when I do things for myself and be the person I want to be
Almighty God only helps if we try with anything. But SO-wise – not enough confidence, not enough opportunities.
Every time I read these I always wonder if the person who wrote them has actually been in a long-term (7+ years) successful relationship. They are almost always written with unrealistic cliches that just don't ever pan out in the real world and most of which are actually the direct opposite of how people work.
And ironically they all hit on the same cliches too which it turns out are often the least important. Feeling apprehensive or excited is not what makes or breaks an opportunity in life. Any opportunity. It's generally Loss Aversion (which is TOTALLY DIFFERENT) which causes people to avoid opportunities. Etc.
You should write one too
could you be more specific? your opinion is extremely broad.
@MaelaK I would if I knew how to write things.
If you disagree you can write your own, but that doesn't mean mine is wrong. Plenty of people here consider these things to be important regardless if you do or not
Plenty of people never make it past 5 years. Correlation? You bet.
Nice question. I have a simple answer -> I have not fond that someone special, yet. I really respect the idea of a man-woman relation being very sacred so i don't believe in the concept of X. The day i find her i'll be ready for it.
Well that's not something we can control and I focused this MyTake on things we can. Of course you won't ever know when the right person will walk into your life. All you can do is prepare for it
I stay single because I haven’t found the one to settle down with yet. I too like my alone time and I do like the independence to make my own decisions. Someday I'll find Mr. Right and settle down and who knows raise a family.
Waiting for the right person is the best reason to stay single. I'm in the saw boat right now myself
I'm not single right now but I have had a lot of girls in the past that have indeed self-sabotaged their relationships with me. I'm glad you recognized that this is a behavior
Thank you. I learned this was a problem by paying attention to other people and how their relationships constantly failed for the same reasons. Sometimes it's easier to learn from other people's mistakes
YES! Exactly. Also I really like what you said about not being too picky but being picky to an extent
If I hadn't met my wife nearly 50 years ago I might still be single ( thinking about the women I met during that period )
But I might have started looking around a lot more.
Well it's a good thing you met her then. Unfortunately nobody knows when the right person will come along and there's always the chance we'll miss it
Indeed. I had taken her out a few times without trying to/thinking about an ONS or relationship.
Then she came back to me...
Aw that's sweet. Reminds me of the quote "When you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours to keep"
In the beginning I was only interested in her, not in love. Love came 2 months later.
There's no wrong way to fall in love as long as it's honest
We took our time to discover we're a good match.
No bump & dump with her.
Why am I stil single:
1 - I'm quite ugly
2 - I don't know how to relate with people romantically
3 - I don't get to have a first date
4 - I have no economic stability
Pretty safe thinking this apply to many people.
* applies
Unfortunately insecurity is the biggest problem I've seen with people on GAG. If you want to find love, you first have to be someone that can be loved and love yourself
That's not really unfortunate, I am pretty rational about it. It's not that I hate myself, but while I'm a very friendly person and most people like to hang with me, if I were a girl I wouldn't want me as a partner as well, since I have nothing but my friendship and a little bit of culture to offer, to be honest.
Ah I see. Well then it sounds like you need to figure out what it is you have to offer to a relationship. Maybe it's something you already have and don't know it or it could be something you have to develop. What would you want to offer to a relationship that you don't already have?
Sharing feelings. And a little bit of individualism. Thpse are both things I'm quite incapable of and that I'm trying to achieve learning.
Acknowledging the problem is the first step to fixing it. I myself have had my fair share of problems dealing with a lack of empathy. I've been working on it for a couple years now and I personally think I've progressed a decent amount, so anything is possible if you put your mind to it. I'd suggest writing your feelings down to start with. That's much easier than talking to someone about them and is a good first step
I wouldn't say I'm unemphatetic, quite the contrary actually. I only lack of the capability of sharing feelings that would give me something back.
This is so amazingly accurate. As much as I want a relationship, I'm afraid because I don't want to get hurt or disappointed. Love your stuff <3
Thank you. I used to feel the same way but I tried to give it a shot. Unfortunately I ended up getting hurt and disappointed, but I know what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and this hasn't killed me yet. But I now know I liked being in a relationship very much when I thought he loved me, so I'd suggest it if it's something your curious and interested in, just make sure you choose wisely
Okay thanks for your advice. Will take into consideration haha <3
Good points. I think even for people in a relationship, it's important to know that being single is an option.
Thank you. Agreed that being single should always be an option because people who don't keep it open often stay in bad relationships